If nothing else, these birthday-bash photos (exposed by TMZ) serve as proof that presidents are regular people just like us. They like womanizing, boozing, smoking, and breaking the law. Unlike us, however, presidents always get away with it. Read on for more politically unfortunate photos that won’t be hanging in anyone’s Presidential library…

PRESIDENT KENNEDY
• This photo of JFK canoodling with Marilyn Monroe was snapped during a dinner party, circa 1960. Reports have surfaced recently of a Monroe sex tape in which she is (allegedly) seen giving a tip drill to a man said to be JFK. Even without a shit-quality vid, it’s been public knowledge that JFK used to smash that. Just look at JFK’s evasive body language—no man is ever trying to get caught in a photo with the mistress.

PRESIDENT REAGAN
• As a young man, Ronald Reagan declared a “war on smoking.” His first order of duty: send all his friends packs of sweet, sweet nicotine. As president, Ronald Reagan declared a “war on drugs.” His first order of duty: flood the streets with sweet, sweet crack.

PRESIDENT CLINTON
• Before a finger-wagging Billy tried to convince us he didn’t hit, photographers caught the president pulling Monica up close to remind her about the cigar he left lodged in her vagina.

PRESIDENT BUSH
• In a moment that screams “future-president,” Dubya threw up the bird for a television camera he didn’t know was rolling.

PRESIDENT OBAMA
• Before destroying racial barriers in the most historical presidential election ever, Obama was a member of the Rat Pack.

PRESIDENT LINCOLN
• Lincoln spent two hours posing for this 19th-century photograph. You’d think he would’ve remembered he was still wearing his beer helmet. Now we know what was under the top hat.

Watch them now and sound like a news junkie all week, and maybe even dazzle a young impressionable Obama volunteer who then lets you give her a Honolulu Mudslide in the break room at her student paper’s office…

PWNED BY A RADIO REPORTER, OCTOBER 2003

• After a Rose Garden presser, Bush calls on Mark Smith, a radio reporter for the AP and trots out a horrible cliché (one he’s apparently fond of):
Smith: Thank you very much, sir, for including our radio folks here.
Bush: A face for radio!
Smith: I wish I could say that was the first time you told me that, sir. (Laughter.)
Bush: The first time I did it to a national audience, though. (Laughter.)
Smith: Actually, it was my wife the last time.
Zing!

“WILL THIS BE ON THE FINAL EXAM?”, APRIL 2004

• After a White House press conference, a reporter asked Bush “After 9/11, what would your biggest mistake be, would you say, and what lessons have you learned from it?” The response?:”I wish you would have given me this written question ahead of time, so I could plan for it. John, I’m sure historians will look back and say, gosh, he could have done it better this way, or that way. You know, I just — I’m sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with an answer, but it hadn’t yet.” The transcript can’t possibly do it justice–your boy was pausing more than Gus Johnson.

“HECKUVA JOB, BROWNIE”, SEPTEMBER 2005

• Katrina + FEMA + Dubya = Hey, everything’s fine! Mission accomplished!

SLOW ROAD FROM CHINA, NOVEMBER 2005

• After cutting a testy Beijing press conference short, Bush thought he could beat a hasty retreat. Nope! Best moment: the look on face when he stands totally frozen. This is the expression of a man who has no idea what he’s doing. You’d think after eight years of it, his face would have frozen that way.

BAD MAN NAH GO WATCH BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, JANUARY 2006

• After a speech at Kansas State, an audience member asked if Bush, an amateur rancher (seriously, this guy clears more brush than Don King) had seen the man-love film classic–and GWB proceeds to say that he hasn’t seen it, oh, 74 times or so. (The fun starts at :28)

AN EYE FOR AN EYE, JUNE 2006

• Legally blind LA Times reporter Peter Wallsten has a degenerative eye disease, and wears sunglasses to protect his eyes from UV rays. Which didn’t stop Bush from making fun of the poor bastard.

SCALP DEM, AUGUST 2007

• After a Q&A session, while posing with UK prime minster Gordon Brown, W said to BBC’s Nick Robinson, “You'd better cover up your bald head, it's getting hot out.”
Robinson: “I didn't know you cared.”
Bush (Walking away): “I don't.” (fast-forward to 6:25)

SEEING INTO ANOTHER MAN’S SOLE, DECEMBER 2008

• After a joint speech at the Iraqi Prime Minister’s house in Baghdad, Iraqi journalist Muntadar al-Zaidi stood up and let fly his lace-ups, shouting “This is a kiss of goodbye, you dog!” A for effort, D for aim.

Dear Iraqi journalist: what’s up with the brown slip-ons? If this was a pre-meditated event, which we are guessing it was, why didn’t you think about the footwear you were going to be throwing? You got global media coverage on this, homie! Next time, don’t let our President get the upper hand. Read on for our suggestions on shoes that are well-suited for chucking at politicians…

NIKE ZOOM VICTORY TRACK SPIKE

• Nike’s newest track spike, created for the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games, is the pinnacle of technology for the brand. The proprietary Flywire technology makes the shoe extremely light while also providing stability. You can chuck this thing hard, and it’s going to hold together on impact. Oh, and it has those spikes in the bottom if you’re feeling particularly violent.

SUPRA NS STUDDED SKYTOP

• At first we thought some crazy spiked Louboutins would be good, but there is no way they’re letting some dude wear that to a presidential press conference. Not that these are that inconspicuous, but if you’re getting wild with the sidearm, a few studs on the panel might be good to catch your target. Pretty sure the medical term is to “over throw-nate.”

TIMBERLAND 6-INCH STEEL TOE WORKBOOT

• Steel toe=ouch. These boots have enough weight to get the missile hurling, but if you hit the target, plan on spending the rest of your life in a water-filled hole they call “prison.”

UPPER ECHELON SHOES HIGH TOP

• Hey journalist: you totally missed out on a money-making op! You could have sold global media coverage big time. You should have checked out this brand, Upper Echelon Shoes, out of NY. The guys have money (the shoes come with gold laces, and retail for $350), so you could have hit them hard and gotten them to pay big with dreams of global reach. The fact that the laces are made out of metal means that they don’t really lace tightly, an added bonus that means you can slip them off for easy chucking.

LIMITED EDITION SPIKE HEELS BY RODARTE FOR CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN

•You know what? Maybe he should have gone with the spiked heel. I mean, who is the secret service to say you can’t rock ladies shoes? It’s business casual, right? We’re sure Larry Craig wouldn’t mind if you showed up to one of his conferences in these.

Hell, 50 Cent used to talk about releasing a dildo of his own, but this is a whole other situation; someone’s getting the shaft here, that’s for sure. Click on for 5 shameful instances of (mostly unauthorized) celeb-themed adult novelties…

HEAD O STATE OBAMA DILDO

Is it racist or just stupid? So hard to say these days.
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MADONNA CONDOMS

In 1979, the sinewy tarantula formerly known as Madonna was a young and attracitve singer who posed for some ill-advised nude shots by photographer Martin Schreiber. In 2001, Schreiber licensed them jernts to a condom company, who promptly felt the legal heat from Madonna’s team of voguing quasi-Hindu Kabbalah ninjas. Take a lesson from Guy Ritchie and think twice before you let her get that close to your junk.
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J-HO AND SARAH JESSICA PORKHER BLOWUP DOLLS

Not to be confused with other thinly-veiled ripoffs like “Lindsay Fully Loaded” and “Dirty Christina.” You stay classy, Pipedreams!
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DAVE STEWART’S LIMITED-EDITION VIBRATORS

No, not the relief pitcher'the weird silent dude from Eurythmics. Yeah, he and some “adult boutique” decided the world needed $2,000 vibrators with his lyrics etched on them. Look, all we’re saying is If we’re paying two large for a sex toy, it better have a heartbeat.
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CELEBRITYBUTTPLUGS.COM (R.I.P.)

All we’re gonna do here is quote the sales pitch. Kind tells you all you need to know about the company behind “George Dubya Tush”:

People say DUBYA’s got his head up his butt, now you can find out what it’s like to have it up yours! 5 1/4″ high and 3″ from ear to ear (flared for ultimate anal amusement) GEORGE DUBYA TUSH will have you standing at attention and saluting the flag while he roots around for that pesky WMD (Wildly Messy Defecation)! Available in a variety of colors.

Everyone’s been praising Bush for his humane handling of the power transition, and I gotta give it to him. There’s so many things he could be pulling right now, but he’s suspiciously cooperative. I mean, he could have at least raised the terror alert to red. Started a new oil war? Outed a CIA agent who voted for Obama? Maybe it’s a testament to a “functioning” democracy but I think it has more to do with Dubya’s desire to get his post-Presidential life cracking and let the Barackracy begin. And to make sure he doesn’t pull any funny-style fourth quarter surprises, I’ve made a list of some career options once the Obamas evict his ass like a squatter in a foreclosed home…

SCREENPLAY WRITER

Bush is naturally gifted at creating phrases that sound great and often lead to action and violence. He’s expressed regret for some of his most famous lines, but that was only after his wife reminded him one day that he was actually President of the United States. In Hollywood, the sky is the limit for bullshit artists and he’ll fit right in with the coke-heads.

SOLIDER

If there’s a demand for something in the Bush economy, it’s soldiers! One thing you can’t deny is that Dubya created a shitload of job opportunities in the military industry. He missed the opportunity in Vietnam to spread freedom, so now’s his chance before it’s too late!

TELEVANGELIST

He’s got the face recognition, the messianic swag and an All-American affection for the lord. His sermons could be slight variations of his press conferences'addressing evil-doers, sharing anecdotes and begging for faith in leadership. To build demand for his memoir, he should consider co-writing a motivational coffee-table book with Joel Osteen. They could call it “Compassionate Conmen”.

IRAQI PRESIDENT

Look, he put his whole reputation on the line for Operation Iraqi Freedom, the least they could do is make him their George Washington for a couple months. He fits the criteria for many Middle Eastern politicians: Wealthy family upbringing, ultra-religious, corrupt and has peculiar desires to outshine a father figure. His campaign slogan would read something like “I Gave You Freedom, You Ungrateful Little Bastards!”.

PRISONER

His experience with illegal activities'torture, wiretapping, war, detainment, and so on'makes him a leading candidate for the slammer. Now, I honestly don’t wish incarceration on my worst enemies, but Bush actually graduated from worst enemy to war criminal. If Michael Vick’s locked up for dog fighting, then what’s the consequence for human-fighting? Apparently the Medal of Honor and a severance package.

The frustration of automobile-pushing Americans won't go away until the price of oil goes down. In New York, we've topped out at over $4 and the price continues to creep up. It's not just an NY thing though'all over the country fueling prices are f'ing absurd. To help drivers keep track, Gas Buddy has created a searchable map that shows a county-by-county breakdown of what U.S citizens are paying per gallon. After the jump, search for your zip code to see the prices.

[Gas Buddy via Like Cool]

We will admit that the geriatrics are wise. Seersucker is one of the few materials that looks good wrinkled, simply because of the way the soft threads are manufactured. Take a good look at former president George Bush Sr. (above). Dude managed to pull off the relaxed look and still get his lapel popped by junior. So if you wanna live the good life (see: retirement), this might be for you. “HUMP” or “DUMP” the trend after the jump.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

All you need is a headshot (of you, your girl, a celebrity), which you upload to their site. Taaz then lets you manipulate everything about their appearance: hair, makeup, contact lenses, eyelashes, skin tone, etc. We would rather make Dubya look like a boyband reject in drag, but its worth noting that this could actually be a useful tool for women who want to see how they look with different hair and makeup. Check out some more ridiculous celebrity makeovers from Taaz after the jump.

[TechCrunch]

Being outside of the music bubble blows. But with a handy dandy RSS feed we refuse to leave you out in the cold on this week’s SXSW music convention. Here are five ways to still be a part of the festivities:

5. Ustream.tv has photos and recaps, featuring today’s post with the Geico Caveman.

4. Pitchfork Media has a complete list of every event.

3. NPR streams live perfomances everyday. Good times…good times.

2. IFC interviews Kal Penn, John Cho, and Neil Patrick Harris for Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay and a few other filmmakers show their work. No stems, no sticks.

1. Ice Cube teams with Microsoft Silverlight to broadcast his performance this Saturday in Austin, TX.