According to reports, 71-year-old Madoff floored a fellow inmate after getting into it about the state of the stock market! Sure, it’s not an Aryan Brotherhood blood vendetta or enlisting the other guy into sexual servitude, but it sounds fucking jailish to us. It’s tough enough for the average Joe to survive prison without ended up in a scene straight out of American History X, but it’s a given that anyone with celebrity is gonna have to knuckle up from time to time; after all, “famous and scraped” > “anally raped.” So in a nod to Badass Bernie and his combative compatriots, here’s a brief history of other celebrity prison fights…

JEFFREY DAHMER
• When: November 28, 1994
• Where: Columbia Correctional in Portage, Wisconsin
• Result: Dahmer was ethered by another murder inmate after being beaten over the head with a bar weight in the gym. And by “ethered,” we mean “killed.” Damn, guess Wisconsin has the death penalty after all!

————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.
• When: February 13, 1998
• Where: Los Angeles County Jail
• Result: While serving time for a parole violation, Downey got into a scrap with a fellow inmate, receiving cuts to the nose. We’re guessing that back then Downey would have landed the TKO if you put an eight ball between the two of them.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

GUCCI MANE
• When: September 20, 2005
• Where: Fulton County Jail in Atlanta, Georgia
• Result: According to Gucci’s lawyer, the iced-out Bart wearer was hit five or six times in the face, leaving him with bruises and cuts. And certain individuals affiliated with certain rappers whose name may or may not rhyme with “Mung Breezy” had absolutely nothing to do with it. Allegedly.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

FOXY BROWN
• When: October 16, 2007
• Where: Rikers Island
• Result: Based on reports, it was a minor scuffle resulting in no injuries. Typical cat fight. Damn, Fox Boog, we thought BK went hard. Ya heard? Oh…ya didn’t. Sorry about that.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

ALLEN STANFORD
• When: September 24, 2009
• Where: Joe Corley Detention Facility in Conroe, Texas
• Result: After a brawl last month, the financier—yes, another Ponzi perpetrator—suffered a concussion and had to be hospitalized. His investing victims can find some solace in knowing this asshole’s head was bashed in a bit. Not that it gets their life savings back, but it’s a start.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

BERNIE MADOFF
• When: October 12, 2009
• Where: Federal Correctional Complex in Butner, North Carolina
• Result: Despite early reports of Madoff landing a punch to his fellow inmate’s face, it was only a shove to the ground with a “menacing stare” afterward. He DOES talk tough and he DOES do TOUGH THINGS. (Wall) Streets is watching, bitches.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

• CLICK HERE TO SEE MORE COMPLEX POLITICS & CRIME POSTS!

BRENDA COSTA
Claim to Fame: The Brazilian supermodel has appeared everywhere from French Elle to a well-hidden folder on our laptop.

MARLEE MATLIN
Claim to Fame: Winning a fucking Oscar when she was 21, people! Also, for popping up years later on Dancing With the Stars, where she did her thing, though not in such an Oscar-worthy fashion.

ROSANNA MAZZOCCHIO
Claim to Fame: Being Miss Deaf World 2008. The British woman beat out a field of 15 other women by convincing them all to sing a cappella for the talent portion of the evening. We keed!

SHOSHANNAH STERN
Claim to Fame: Being the smart and hot high-school chick on the first season of Weeds, who judging from her carnal skills must have gotten a full ride at to Gallaudet.

JENNIFER VENILLI
Claim to Fame: Being one of very few Deaf porn stars working today. Also, you can see Jennifer breaking down the sign language translations of various sexual terms at DeafBunny.com, a porn site that uses all Deaf actors and actresses. Not as much dirty talk, but plenty of lip reading, you diiiiiiig?

FOXY BROWN
Claim to Fame: Fox Boog’s actually not Deaf anymore, which means she’s back in the studio. Too bad, right?

Unfortunately it seems KiD CuDi'a personal fav of Complex'is not yet comfortable with this. In an interview with rapradar.com CuDi proposes beating the ass of our writer as an appropriate response to our gentle ribbing (we felt like turning his blog Stans against us was enough, but whatever…). Thankfully, CuDi explains he’d never stoop to violence (phew!), though others would (uh oh!). While we appreciate the warning, CuDi should know that most of the Complex staff has been writing about hip hop since the pre-blogging days, when writers had to interact with their subjects in the flesh. So we’re well aware of what happens when rappers get frustrated at people who own both opinions and computers. For all those who aren’t, lets take a stroll down memory lane with a history of Rappers Who’ve Physically Threatened Violence On The Media…

• Wu-Tang Clan vs. RapPages
• Year: 1994
• What Happened? Esteemed rap scribbla Cheo H. Coker penned a profile of the Shaolin soldiers for the beloved but defunct RapPages –problem was, the accompanying illustrations (visible here, here, here and here) didn’t sit well with the group. So when Coker got back with the crew for another interview, Masta Killa, not yet a core member of the Clan, worked out an exchange: you give me your tape recorder, I punch you in the fuckin’ mouf (Coker’s account of the madness is here).
• …And The Winner Is? Masta Killa is now official Wu-Tang Banga. Coker is now official Notorious co-writer. Stapleton vs. Hollywood, big bank take little bank. We’re going with Coker on this one.

• Cypress Hill vs. The Source
• Year: 1994
• What Happened? On page 42 of their January “Best of 1993″ issue, someone at the Source (before they became Almighty RSO Monthly) threw a couple of easy darts at the Hill on a parody news page–provoking a volley of phoned-in death threats from alleged Soul Assassins compadres (hopefully not you, Eric Bobo!). Read the jokes for yourselves…

• …And The Winner Is? B-Real is still active, if underappreciated (3,828 first-week copies sold? Wake up, youngsters!). The Source is still active, if a shell of its former self. The real winner? Marijuana!

Click NEXT to read about Almighty RSO vs. The Source and Russell Simmons vs. Vibe…

Foxy Brown's lawyer has had enough. [Nah Right]

Manu's good enough to get his own Hyperdunks. [Nice Kicks]

This gun-toting Santa is ready to kick ass in Afghanistan. [Double Viking]

Our on-again off-again girlfriend Kim Kardashian had some fat taken out of that ass. [Flisted]

Foxy Brown couldn’t have been released from Rikers on a nicer day. The sun is beaming, a fire hydrant is open somehwere in Brooklyn'it almost feels like the summer of ‘96…sort of.

With the eight rocky months she spent in the bing, Fox Boogie Brown is looking very different from the sexy young lady we first fell in love with. We can only hope 2008 will bring us back to that time when “Ain’t No N*gga” first hit, and F.O.X. strutted in skimpy poom-poom shorts and a wife beater. And so on this fine day, we tip our New Era fitteds and pour out a cold Guinness Stout to the Foxy we so dearly remember. After the jump, check out a gallery fly Foxy flicks from back in the day, along with her naked-in-a-pile-of-cash performance in the “Firm Biz” video.

[Click on an image to view full size]

Check out this compilation of pause-worthy sports headlines, full of sexual double entendres. [Holy Taco]

It's been 15 years since Dee Brown pumped himself up and won the dunk contest. Check close up shots of the retro kicks he rocked en route to slam-jamming infamy. [Nice Kicks]

No waiters or waitresses means no tipping. Peep this next-level restaurant based in Nuremberg. [Slippery Brick]

Foxy is still grinding in the clink, rumor has it that she's in talks with VHI for her own reality show. [Perez Hilton]