The Rawkus A&R/Talib Kweli NYU roommate/Wyclef protege/Carly Simon crusade/convicted cocaine trafficker apparently made it onto the presidential radar enough that Dubya saw fit to give him that golden get out of jail free card. But as long as you’re springing MCs, Mr. President, maybe you could polish that turd of a legacy by extending clemency to the following seven political prisoners….

SHYNE

• Sentence: Ten years
• Crime: First-degree assault and reckless endangerment for popping off in the club and grazing some chick’s nose.
• Reason For Release: His father’s the prime minster of Belize'how about a little political favoritism, Dubya? Besides, Jamal’s Jewish now, you heard? Pardon him now and he’s out in time for Hanukkah, word to the hot fire in your menorah.
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TURK

• Sentence: 10 years (reduced from 12)
• Crime: Attempted second-degree murder after allegedly shooting a SWAT member during a drug raid in Memphis Ten-a-key.
• Reason For Release: Don’t front, you want a Hot Boys reunion more than anyone. That’s the kind of music you can clear brush on your ranch to!
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GUCCI MANE

• Sentence: One year
• Crime: Violating the conditions of his parole (after catching an assault charge by hitting a promoter in the head with a pool cue).
• Reason For Release: Completing 25 of 600 community service hours? Using weed and ecstasy? That’s not parole violation, that’s a proper trap-a-thon!
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BLACK ROB

• Sentence: Seven years (originally convicted for a 2-6, but then never reported for sentencing. Whoa!)
• Crime: Grand larceny for robbing a woman’s hotel room in NYC in 2004.
• Reason For Release: G-Dep’s starting to feel a lot more dysfunctional without Rob being there to balance out the Bad Boy fuckery.
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DA BRAT

• Sentence: Three years
• Crime: Hitting a waitress in the face with a bokkle of rum at JD’s Atlanta nightclub last Halloween. Me-ow!
• Reason For Release: With the constant complaints of sexual harrassment coming from her fellow prisoners, she might be better punished just being released back into label purgatory.
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TWISTED BLACK

• Sentence: Life. Daaaaaaaaamn!
• Crime: Conspiracy to distribute crack cocaine'after accepting money from a dope for a quarter-key of powder (though a witness claimed Black had been moving a key every three weeks back in 2005).
• Reason For Release: Doggie, you commuted Forte’s sentence after he got popped with 31 pounds of liquid cocaine valued at $1.4 million. LIQUID COCAINE! How you gonna give a man life for selling a fiend $3,000 worth? That’s weed carrier money right thurr.
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PRODIGY

• Sentence: 3 1/2 years
• Crime: Possession of a loaded gun after getting pinched for an illegal u-turn. Officerofficerofficaoverseer!
• Reason For Release: Have you checked the blog knowledge he’s dropping from the bing, George? Call us crazy, but you’re gonna need a ghostwriter, and he’s gonna need to let you know that THE ELITE GROUP OF FAMILIES WHO CONTROL THE WORLD AND ARE MANIFESTING THIS PLAN OF “ONE WORLD ORDER” ARE THE ROYAL FAMILY, THE BILDERBURG GROUP, THE PEOPLE WHO OWN THE WORLD BANK, THE VATICAN, THE U.S. GOVERNMENT IN D.C., THE FEDERAL RESERVE AND MANY MORE.