The sad thing about Rush’s rejection? He could’ve fielded a team of guys just like him. No, not evil drug addicts, white dudes! Sure, they might not be the best 22 guys on the field, but at least Rush wouldn’t have to worry about them getting big heads because the media was desirous that they do well. Since Rush seems to view everything through the prism of race, we’d thought we’d help him out with the Coulda Woulda Shoulda All-White Limbaugh Team…

Matt Hasselbeck | QB
The Seahawks’ three-time Pro Bowl QB is the brother-in-law of conservative View commentator Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who’s regularly sparred with Whoopi Goldberg and Rosie O’Donnell on her show. The only way Matt could be more appealing to Rush is if he was one of those magical jumping quarterbacks that shit oxycodone.

Brian Leonard | RB
Congrats son, you made the team! Although he’s only rushed for 11 yards this season, BL would fit perfectly on Rush’s All-White squad…because we can’t seem to find another white running back in the league.

David Diehl | T
Diehl has a Croatian coat of arms tattoed on his arm. No black folk in Croatia, far as we know.

Jake Long | T
Jake survived a fire in his dormitory during his sophomore year in college, which, in Rush’s world, could’ve been started by members of Acorn.

Chris Cooley | TE
Famously posted a picture of his dick on his blog, but Rush has been wanting to brag about the “Cooley on my team” for years, so he’s in.

Brandon Stokley | WR
Just 5′11″ and 192 lbs., Brandon is all heart…and all white.

Wes Welker | WR
Once fined 10k for making a snow angel in the ground after a touchdown, so he’s a veteran of the war against Christian-hating PC effetes.

Alan Faneca | C
Diagnosed with epilepsy, so, like Rush, he has trouble controlling his tongue.

Chris Snee | G
He knocked up his head coach’s daughter—twice. Rush has no daughters, but we’d gladly knock them up if he did.

Jim Leonhard | DB
Jim’s from Ladysmith, Wisconsin, which, much to our non-surprise, is 96% white.

Nick Sorensen | DB
A perfect fit: Nick was once accused of grabbing Pacman Jones’ junk; Rush can’t seem to ever get his hands on enough of the stuff.

Reed Doughty | DB
Being severely hearing impaired is a good thing—plausible deniability is a must when you’re on Team Rush.

Sabby Piscitelli | DB
Although he redshirted during college, Sabby assures Rush he was only “experimenting” with Communism.

Kyle Vanden Bosch | DE
From Larchwood, Iowa, which is, amazingly, even whiter than Ladysmith, Wisconsin.

Jared Allen | DE
A strong McCain supporter because he didn’t want Obama raising taxes on his bread.

Kroy Biermann | DT
Kroy strated off the 2009 season by sacking Chad Pennington twice, but Rush can forgive the white-on-white crime (provided he goes hard after that “McNabb feller”).

Kyle Williams | DT
Two years ago he was undrafted, unemployed and living with his in-laws. Sounds whitebread redneck to us!

Eric Weddle | FS
EW was a special education major in college, so he can serve as chief babysitter for Palin 2012. [ed. note: Yes, we're going to hell, but so's Rush, so whatevs.]

A.J. Hawk | LB
What do you get when you mix George W. Bush supporter Kid Rock and someone that looks like Chris Farley? A.J. Hawk!

Brian Cushing | LB
2008 college All-American. Which for Rush means he got in just before it became “Obama’s America.”

Keith Brooking | LB
This guy started a foundation to help foster children—don’t tell Rush he’s actually a good person or he’ll get cut!

• CLICK HERE TO SEE MORE COMPLEX SPORTS POSTS!

Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad OchoCinco loves breasts almost as much as he loves attention. That’s why this weekend, when the NFL allows players to wear pink cleats to promote Breast Cancer Awareness Month, the player formerly known as Chad Johnson will take things a step further and match his all-pink cleats to pink gloves, pink wrist bands, a pink mouthpiece, and a pink tutu pink chin strap. On his Twitter account, 85 said that if the No Fun League fines him for wearing additional pink, they can suck two tough titties and he’ll match the fine with a donation to a breast cancer charity. That’s how you show awareness, you boobs!

In honor of Ocho Cinco showing more pink than a porn set, Complex is looking back at the polarizing entertainer-athlete’s most sensational fashion statements. Check ’em out and vote on your favorite…

September is here, which means it’s that wondrous time of year where we spend our weekends avoiding our girlfriends, our jobs, and all other obligations to do one thing: watch football. The months ahead will be long and arduous, filled with cases of beer and Costco-sized bags of potato chips in the tireless quest to form perfect ass indentations into our couches.

But of all the reasons we love football, one aspect sticks out in particular: the big hits. Let’s be honest, there’s not a single fan that doesn’t derive some twisted satisfaction from watching dudes get belted by vicious tackles in super slo-mo—after all, it’s only human to gain pleasure from another’s pain. So, for all you sick bastards, we’ve compiled the 50 most brutal hits in college football history. And NFL fans, no worries—we got you covered next week…

50. Quinton Moore De-helmets a WR

HITTER: Quinton Moore, Oklahoma State University
VICTIM: Levi Dejohnette, Arkansas State University
WHEN: September 9, 2006
• Quinton’s on the way! The (then) freshman’s vicious stonewalling of Dejohnette left Levi sore and his helmet soaring.
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CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE 49TH HARDEST HIT IN NCAA HISTORY!

5. LYNN SWANN (4:08)
• Upset by the Oakland Raiders’ (literal) strong-arm tactics, the Steelers’ complained of George Atkinson’s “criminal” acts. Uh, dude, it’s football.

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4. ANQUAN BOLDIN
• One of the favorite WR hissy fit types is the my-team’s-doing-fine-but-I’ma-be-a-bitch conniption, and here the Cardinals’ Anquan Boldin gives a prime example, whining to his offensive coordinator during a key moment in the game that would send his team to the Super Bowl. Boldin reportedly didn’t even stay around for his squad’s victory celebration.

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3. KELLEN WINSLOW JR.
• Although technically a tight end, Winslow is the son of a wide receiver, and thereby infected with the WR Hissy Fit malaise. Here he seems to suffer from a similar real world-football disconnect as Lynn Swann.

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2. CHAD OCHO CINCO
• Ocho Cinco’s had more meltdowns than we care to remember, but his “4-1″ fit was particularly memorable. By now Chad knows that as a Bengal, 4-1 is cause for a celebration, not tears.

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1. TERRELL OWENS
•T.O. hissy fit? Um, which one?

UNIFORM: Donald Duck Dickies
WORN: 1995 Rose Bowl, Oregon vs. Penn State
• One of the least visually abrasive get-ups ever worn by Oregon, these pre-Nike uniforms sported Donald Duck on the shoulder and an interlocking “U & O” on the helmet. Perhaps some more eye-scraping fluorescent would’ve helped the Ducks beat the Nittany Lions.

UNIFORM: Just Do It
WORN: 1996 season
• Simplicity is nice. Here’s a glimpse of the Ducks’ “simply swoosh” jerseys that filled the team’s locker room in the seasons before Oregon’s uniforms really started to get hectic.

UNIFORM: Monochromatic Madness
WORN: 2000 Holiday Bowl
• This jersey put the Ducks in all black from head-to-toe, with a few signature dashes of green and yellow. The all-black joints are pretty sweet, especially when seen in action.

UNIFORM: Electric Jersey Acid Test
WORN: August 30, 2003, Oregon vs Miss. State
• These Hi-Liter yellow jerseys elicited gasps from the shocked crowd when the Ducks trotted onto the field in the 2003 season opener at Mississippi State. These jerseys, perhaps the brightest ever in the history of college football, were worn only once. It turns out that electric yellow bleeds in the washing machine and that was the end of these, ahem, uniforms. If the team came out rocking O.G. Air Max 95s, it would’ve been a wrap, son.

UNIFORM: We Goin’ DIAMOND
WORN: 2006-2008
• When these bad boys were rolled out in 2006, the possibilities were almost endless. Actually, according to the University of Oregon web site, there were literally 384 possible combos between helmets, jerseys, pants, socks, and shoes. One notable combo was the notorious mustard-and-relish version. The number of possibilities jumped to 512 when the Ducks introduced their fluorescent-yellow helmets during the 2006 Las Vegas Bowl. The white jerseys would also become a source of controversy because they were literally so bright players began to complain about being blinded by the diamond-plated reflectors.

UNIFORM: Wingin’ It
WORN: 2009
• Here’s the newest addition to the Ducks’ wardrobe, which look strikingly similar to the special edition “Lights Out” uniforms the Ducks sported at home against Arizona last season. These uniforms are more durable with a design that is 28% lighter than their diamond-plated predecessors. As for the wings, they’re just another way for the Ducks to look even more flamboyant—word to Big L!

While everyone else in the room was asking the players about football, we decided to go left with our questions and serve them up an off-beat, and more interesting interview. See what first rounders like Mark Sanchez, Michael Crabtree, Jason Smith and Aaron Curry (and Erin Andrews) had to say to us about first dates, being competitive in video games, and crying in the video below…

Watch the video below to get all of Sanchez’s answers, and stay tuned for more coverage from last week’s event in the upcoming days…

1) Prepare to take some time off next week to see a gambling addiction specialist.

2) But before you do that, consult Complex’s Guide to the Most Intricate and Offensive Prop Bets…

BALTIMORE @ TENNESSEE, SATURDAY 4:30
• 7: Over/under on “Joe Flaccid” signs at LP Field

• 50-1: Kerry Collins says “What up my n*gga!” to Ray Lewis during the pregame coin flip.

• 1000-1: Collins yells “Get off me n*gga!” after Lewis sacks him for the first time.

• 1-1000: Lewis subsequently stabs Collins.

• 25-1: Young Buck breaks down in tears when Titans lose.

ARIZONA @ CAROLINA, SATURDAY 8:15
1500: Over/under on Carolina fans who demand refund when they learn that “Darnit MayBelle, the Heels ain’t playing!”

• 30-1: Muhsin Muhammad detained prior to game by North Carolina State Troopers on suspicions of “you know, being an A-rab.”

• 1-500: Kurt Warner and wife hold hands for pregame prayer: “Please God, let me throw for 700 yards and 10 touchdowns in this game.”

• 600-1: Warner converts to Islam after being intercepted 7 times.

• 15-1: White Arizonans immediately vote to rescind Martin Luther King Day after predominantly black Cardinals lose by 20.

PHILADELPHIA @ NEW YORK GIANTS, SUNDAY 1:00
3-2: Tom Coughlin diagnosed with first known case of human freezer burn.

• 1-1,000,000,000: A drunken Giants fan yells “Fuck you you dumb Philly cunt!” To a 4-year-old girl in a McNabb jersey. During the national anthem.

• End of 1st quarter: Over/under on when Eli Manning makes his first “Just-drank-sour-milk-while-simultaneously-stubbing-my-toe-and-having-my-toys-taken-away” face

• 3: Over/under on number of game balls Andy Reid eats for his “halftime snack”

• 7-2: On her way out of the stadium, four-year-old Eagles fan in McNabb jersey kicks passed out Giants fan in the head.

SAN DIEGO @ PITTSBURGH, SUNDAY 4:45
750-1: In pregame interview, Norv Turner announces exclusive endorsement deal with Proactiv.

• 3-2: Darren Sproles doesn’t make the “You must be this tall to ride” cut during pregame visit to Pittsburgh area amusement park.

• 500-1: Jim Nantz refers to Hines Ward as the “Amerie of football.”

• Even: Myron Cope’s authentic 33-year-old Terrible Towel is found to be contaminated with e. coli.

• 1/2: Over/under on number of Steelers fans heard muttering, “They can keep the beaches, girls and weather, I’ll take the Duquesne Incline.”

So the final college football contest of the season kicks off Thursday night and it looks like it’ll be great: the Oklahoma Sooners vs. the Florida Gators. But don’t get it twisted: it ain’t college football’s national championship. That’s because the champion has already been crowned and it’s USC. Or Utah. Or Texas.

And therein lies the problem with college football’s BCS National Championship Game (the “final contest” mentioned above). It features two teams with one loss, but not the sole undefeated team in the game (Utah). The most dominant team in the country (USC) won’t be playing in it. And Oklahoma, which lost to Texas on a neutral field earlier this year, will. We know it’s an old argument (even the new Prez is in favor of a playoff system), but just in case you’re one of those lobotomized morons that thinks the BCS works, here’s a list of the 5 biggest eff-ups of the BCS era.

Click here to see the 5 biggest injustices of the BCS Era

By now, you’ve probably heard all about New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress’s wild Thanksgiving weekend. But is it the worst off-field, self-inflicted (and non-lethal, word to our already iffy sports injury karma) injury in sports history? Read on to see our top 5…

5. JEFF KENT

Baseball’s favorite grumpy old man missed 2002 spring training season after he broke his wrist washing his truck. He accomplished this by either a) falling off said truck, or b) taking a break from washing said truck by popping wheelies on his motorcycle. Either way, according to some, it may have affected his ability to comprehend black people.

4. SAMMY SOSA

In 2004, Swingin’ Sammy missed a game for the Cubs when he came down with a case of back spasms…after a sneezing fit. Luckily for Sam, there was plenty of HGH-grade NyQuil on hand and he was good to go the next day.

3. RICH HARDEN

Early in 2004’s spring training, the then-Oakland A’s pitcher threw out his non-throwing shoulder while reaching to turn off his alarm clock. Call him injury-prone, just don’t call him late for breakfast!

2. BEN ROETHLISBERGER

Big Ben gets no. 2 only because, well, he almost died. On June 12, 2006, Roethlisberger was riding high as the youngest Super Bowl-winning quarterback of all time. Riding high that is, until he flew over the handlebars of his motorcycle and headbutted a Chrysler New Yorker in the windshield. Amazingly, the helmet-less Roethlisberger was released from the hospital two days later and didn’t miss a regular season game because of his injuries.

1. GLENALLEN HILL

Currently a Colorado Rockies coach, Hill began wearing a helmet full-time when, during his playing career, he crashed through a glass table while dreaming about spiders, and ended up on the 15-day disabled list.

Vote DQM for President, of taxing that asssss. [DQM]

Probably the best block we've seen in a while. Ouch. [Double Viking]

The Real encourages you not to buy albums. [Nah Right]

Nope, Lupe can't even make Greedy Genius look good. [Nice Kicks]

As a part of the (pause-worthy titled) show “Hard Targets: Masculinity & Sport” at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art (which also features Brian Jungen), “Bull In the Ring” replicates a football drill of the same name, wherein ten players circle another and randomly tackle the shit out of the artist in the middle. The drill’s been banned in the high school and college games, but Leonardo found ten California semi-pro players to tee off on him. We’re not sure what he’s trying to say with the piece, but we certainly admire Leonardo’s durability (and laugh heartily at his stupidity). Watch a video of the performance below…

[Unframed via C-Monster]

Which is what we all look for in a $250 Air Force 1 that we camp out for a week to get. Check out the shoe, expected to drop at boutique retailers this September, below. NOTE: The lightning bolt might look like a Fragment/Hiroshi logo, but is in fact an “LT”. Shout out to the Chargers.

Set in medieval times, Blood Bowl gives your teams the chance to battle it out'literally'in all different types of environments. It should be available on Xbox 360, PSP, and Nintendo DS late this year. Watch the new trailer after the jump.

[Blood Bowl via Destructoid]

[Das Gamer]

Having Complex bossman ME involved is a part of a partnership with the Jets where Ecko designed the new and improved outfits for the cheerleaders, who now preferred to be called “The Flight Crew” after the sexy aviator pin-up look of the ’60s. While 21 girls were handpicked after hours of deliberation, the 22nd will be decided by the fans at NewYorkJets.com. Before you get your vote on, check out a gallery of the girls at yesterday’s tryouts.


[Click on an image to view full size]

“I had a coachlike alter who would recognize what was going on…and he would point to one of the other alters on the bench…Not all of the alters knew of the existence of the others, but some did. For example, the Hero alter knew that the Consoler existed and was aware as well of the presence of the Fightened/Wounded alter. He didn’t much care for the weakness the Frightened/Wounded alter exhibited.”

After the jump, watch a video of a man struggling to live with D.I.D.: