If there were a Guinness record given to the world’s largest lethal weapon, it would definitely go to 7′1″, 325-lb. Phoenix Suns center Shaquille O’Neal. The Diesel is a funny, generally amiable dude, but sometimes he simply can’t help squashing the little Smurf people who scurry about his ankles. (And when he’s actually pissed off at them? Well, let’s just say the Big Aristotle doesn’t lash out with oversized philosophy.)

Sunday, during a game against the Detroit Pistons, Shaq was ejected for an assassination attempt flagrant foul on 6′5″, 205-lb. guard Rodney Stuckey while he was flying to the hoop. Shaq insisted that it was not a dirty play, just an honest attempt to block a lay-up, which only further proves the point that he’s one gigantic, scary mufucka. Read on for the five memorable moments when the Diesel Shaqqed that ass up. And, no, we’re not even going to waste a moment on Shaq rapping about the taste of his ass.

Click here to see Shaq’s 5 scariest moments.