Complex Blog » Eliot Spitzer

Politickin’ With John Brown: When Cheating Politicians Publicly Repent

Joe — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 21:39:34 +0000

Not long ago, I defended the ethical weakness of some lawmakers who deviate from their spouse. I argued that it was a personal matter; an expected side-effect of egotistical overachievers; a pimple on the face of otherwise unblemished leadership.

Well, Gov. Mark Sanford’s recent tryst complicates the issue. It’s one thing to duck the press and the wife, but something’s odd when your own staff thinks you’re hiking in the Appalachians on a squirrel and moonshine diet, when, in fact, you’re essentially a sex tourist in Argentina. Not a good look. Like all cheating politicians that get busted, Sanford faced the time-honored tradition of extreme public humiliation via press conference. Although painful to watch, these public displays of grief are necessary tools to heal our wounds of lost trust. Let’s a take a glance back…

5. Gov. James McGreevey (D) NJ, 2004
Never one to waste time, McGreevey consolidated several things with this one conference: Admitted cronyism, resigned from office, terminated his marriage, announced his new lover and became the first openly gay governor is U.S. history. His wife at the time would later compare this press conference to their sex life: “It’s almost like an out-of-body experience. You’re there physically, but your mind is elsewhere.”

4. Sen. Larry Craig (R) ID, 2007
When Sen. Craig wasn’t voting against gay marriage, he was being arrested for engaging in gay sex acts in the Minneapolis Airport’s bathroom. It’s safe to say, his career was a wrap once they leaked the rap sheet. Shout out to his wife for remaining in denial.

3. Gov. Eliot Spitzer (D) NY, 2008
In what was one of the biggest political bombshells in recent memory, Spitzer seemed more irritated than anything in this infamous clip that ended his promising, hypocritical career. Ashley, on the other hand …

2. Sen. John Edwards (D) NC, 2008
Edwards made a name for himself eloquently describing the struggle between “Two Americas”. Little did we know, he was actually talking about two women. Realizing that his image of a morally-sound dreamer had been shattered, Edwards hit primetime to bullshit his way out of divorce court. You almost fooled me, John!

1. Gov. Mark Sanford (R) SC, 2009
The pressures of running South Cackalack took its toll on the Republican Governor, who started running around with a mysterious Argentinean woman. Apparently, the governer’s office doesn’t block AdultFriendFinder on their computers. Hopefully it was worth the kisses, because he can certainly kiss those presidential aspirations long goodbye.

A Little Bit Of This, A Little Bit Of That!

Joe — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 18:00:42 +0000

We got our hands on a super-limited GTA-branded XBOX 360, that you won't be able to cop in stores. [Link]

We launched the only bracket-busting tournament that matters this March, the Clash of Kicks. [Link]

The L-Word/Life star Sarah Shahi is a stunner, check the photo shoot heard 'round the net. [Link]

Eliot Spitzer scored while wearing #9 in honor of some big name pro athletes. [Link]

Audrina Patridge’s nudie pics set the blogosphere ablaze and we documented her most recent L's. [Link]

Paul McCartney’s Sex Bill Way Bigger Than Eliot Spitzer’s

complex — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 20:00:24 +0000

While everyone’s jaw dropped last week when news circulated of Eliot Spitzer’s $1000 an hour romp with American whore Ashley Dupree, not to mention his past decade of hooker love totaling around $80k, many people were shocked at how expensive sex had become. But then today we heard that Heather Mills is set to receive a divorce settlement from Paul McCartney to the tune of $49 million'a chick he’s only been banging for like four years'and we quickly realized how small time Ashley Dupre really was. We don’t care how many book deals, Playboy offers, “What We Want” downloads, or any other lucrative prospects are on the table, there’s no way she’s banking like Heather, unless she figures out how to court Michael Jordan without a pre-nup'he still wears the crown with his divorce costing him an estimated record breaking $150 million bucks.

Eliot Spitzer Chose His Number Wisely

Joe — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 17:30:46 +0000

With the report of Eliot Spitzer's prostitute-smashing alias to be client #9, it got us thinking of what professional athletes Spitz was trying to pay homage to when he was putting work in at the 'tele. After some research, it was evident that the now defunct governor chose his jersey number wisely, and was inspired by athletes past and present like Ted Williams and Tony Romo. Check out the other pros who've worn #9 when it came time to score.

Michael Jordan

Roger Maris

Tony Romo

Bobby Hull

Tony Parker

Ronaldo

Gordie Howe

Ted Williams

Governor Spitzer Screwed Up

complex — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 22:30:19 +0000

Eliot Spitzer resigned in disgrace, he should have used pre-paids [Link]

We asked if the Dipset scarf look should be humped or dumped. [Link]

Umbro by Kim Jones kept it clean with Gamba. [Link]

News trucks drag raced at scene of fatal drag race strip. [Link]

The Japanese did some weird shit involving whales and cows or something. [Link]

The Daily Show Did the Best Job Roasting Eliot Spitzer

complex — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 22:06:00 +0000

It’s so good that the writers are back to take advantage of the Eliot Spitzer hook-a-thon. They came in handy last night with this stupendously funny segment on the media’s OJ-esque coverage of the matter. But you can cash in on the real comedy gold at about the 4:06 mark, where they do this ‘Tainted Gov’ mock movie trailer for the disgraced governor, who doesn’t get officially replaced until Monday, which just happens to be St. Patty’s Day. Party time! But in fairness to all the late night comedy shows, Letterman’s Top Ten Eliot Spitzer Excuses from the other night is easily in running for the silver.

Get A Piece From Spitzer’s Hooker For Under A Dollar

complex — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 17:30:10 +0000

No, her rates haven’t dropped, we’re talking about Ashley Alexandra Dupre’s music (aka Nina Venetta). The melodic harlot responsible for overcharging the governor of New York for sex services, can be found on Amie Street, or what we like to refer to as the “ghetto iTunes,” where users determine the price of the music. She’s got two .98 tracks for sale: “What We Want” and “Move Ya Body.” Yesterday there was only one track and it was just .34 making the price of fame around 64 cents. Not so shockingly, she’s ~~no longer~~ using her MySpace to promote her multi-faceted talents, but we’re pretty sure you guys don’t give a shit about that, it’s the “definitive gallery” you really want.

Eliot Spitzer Could Have Learned A lot From Drug Dealers

complex — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 14:31:43 +0000

Although it’s true that it was his bank and later the IRS that first raised the red flags that initiated the FBI investigation of hooker-loving ex-Governor Eliot Spitzer, all the text messages and phone calls certainly didn’t help his case any. Considering he was the Attorney General of New York and busted up a few hooker and drug rings in his day'giving him intimate knowledge of evidence gathering and building a case'makes him even stupider for getting busted with any cell phone records whatsoever (read some of the texts here). Client-9 should have applied some covert common sense and bought himself a bunch of pre-paid throwaways like most responsible drug retailers do, shit even an episode in season three of The Wire covered disposable phones. Plus he could have went a step further and only texted, further reducing any identifying trace, since his voice wouldn’t have been captured like a fingerprint. Every major carrier offers pre-paids, so we took a look at some of the sleek ones'with dude spending $4300 an hour on prosties as hot as this, there’s no reason for him to get a chump phone'that could have helped keep Spitzer’s hot dog out of boiling water.

AT&T
Sony Ericsson W580i Walkman: $179.99

Boost Mobile
i855e: $79.99

T-mobile
Motorola RAZR V3 T-Mobile To Go: $99

Verizon
LG VX5400: $139.99

Virgin Mobile
Wild Card cell phone: $99.99

Is Eliot Spitzer The New Jerry Springer?

Joe — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 14:30:15 +0000

While running for governor of Ohio, the 90s talk show host confessed to prostitution in this TV ad. Could the New York governor’s show on the CW be far behind?

With all the shock and awe over yesterday’s revelation that New York Governor Eliot Spitzer did the dew with a $4,300 hooker, one can’t help but wonder, is this the end? Well, even if the political world can’t accept his hoe-tendencies, there could be an even more lucrative career path on the horizon. Just ask Jerry Springer:

Yep, that’s right. This 90s talk show host/reality TV trailblazer also pioneered the art of prostitute politics back when he ran for the governor of Ohio in 1982. In the above ad, Jerry confesses to paying for sex with his checking account in the hopes that he could get the voters to look past his moment of weakness. Well, it didn’t work for him, but less than 10 years later, he found his true calling. Why try to help the working class when you can provoke them into fighting each other on your TV show instead? The people have spoken.