Got a floor pass last night at the Democratic National Convention and was able to wander amid the throngs in the belly of the beast for nearly an hour. Being at the Democratic National Convention is not unlike being in the live studio audience for a taping of the American Idol finale. It has a sort of game show feel'slick, with cheesy music. Shiny. And hyper-produced.

As I told a friend this morning: It's kinda like a game show with serious geopolitical military consequences.

The folks in attendance run the gamut: Bigwig donors, left-wing zealots, ecstatic delegates, angry activists'you name it…

I found myself feeling a little bit extraterrestrial as I made my way around the floor. A fish out of water. A stranger in a strange land. This is odd in a way, because I am a bit of a political junkie. One would think that I would've felt right at home. But no. I found it odd. I found it deeply odd. Exciting and interesting'but odd. It was like moving through a Technicolor version of American history in real time.

The floor itself is an exercise in organized chaos..an absolute crush of people.

Left-Wing Mecca in full effect.

On my way back up to press row, I passed by Howard Dean in the bowels of the Pepsi Center, shortly after he made an appearance with David Gregory on MSNBC. He put his cell phone to his ear and pretended to be on the phone so that I wouldn't try to talk to him.

Dick.

-BL

PS. Here are some photos from the floor.

Brad Listi is the author of the bestselling novel Attention. Deficit. Disorder. and the founder of the online publication TheNervousBreakdown.com. You can find him at BradListi.com.

The crazy factor here in Denver is pretty pronounced. I had expected this to be the case, but still I find myself continually surprised by just how many wackjobs have come crawling out of the proverbial wood work to make their case before the American people.

Case in point: This morning, as I made my way through downtown, I came upon a woman standing in the middle of the road, holding a sign that read “STOP BIRD PORN.” Beside her was a guy with a battery-powered megaphone, delivering the anti-bird-porn message to a thoroughly confused populace.

What is bird porn?

I'm not really sure. I think these people want people to stop bird-watching, because bird-watching inhibits birds from having sex, and thus prevents reproduction.

I think these people were joking.

I hope these people were joking.

(Sweet creeping Jesus, please tell me these people were joking.)

**

I also had an interesting experience with a hostile young man who is supporting John McCain this November. He was standing on the sidewalk, extending his middle finger at passersby, while his cohort held up a big McCain poster with a shit-eating grin on his face. When I tried to take hostile guy's photo, he stepped up and slapped the camera out of my hands, threatening me with violence in a manner that a guy like Eminem would appreciate. Angry young man.

Under normal circumstances, this sort of thing might have rattled me, but this guy just struck me as completely ridiculous. For one thing, he was tiny. Probably weighs a buck-forty. I'm pretty sure I could have taken him. For another thing, he was a monumental ignoramus. His positions were so baseless, his fury so unwarranted, that it was hard to take him seriously.

Most interesting of all was the bald, muscle-bound guy in a purple t-shirt standing next to me. Moments after the angry young McCain supporter slapped the camera out of my hands, the bald guy turned to me and calmly said, “Would you like to press charges?”

I didn't know what he meant at first.

Then the angry guy turned to the bald guy and said, “Who the fuck are you?”

And the bald guy promptly flashed a badge and said, “I'm a detective.”

This incident reminded me, starkly, that Denver is positively crawling with security personnel this week, and most of them are in plainclothes, ready to move in and quash the rebellion at a moment's notice. One wonders how many foot soldiers are on hand from FBI, CIA, and the Secret Service. I find myself doing a double take every time I pass anyone who looks even slightly suspicious, trying to figure out who's working undercover. Hard to tell.

At any rate, another interesting day in the Mile High City. Off to the Pepsi Center momentarily, where Hillary will be giving the marquee address before a sea of salivating pundits.

Okay then.

Caffeinated,
BL

Brad Listi is the author of the bestselling novel Attention. Deficit. Disorder. and the founder of the online publication TheNervousBreakdown.com. You can find him at BradListi.com.

I spent much of the day walking around downtown Denver, the epicenter of activity for this week's Democratic National Convention. The scene here is a bit chaotic: A pro-Obama drum circle to your left, and God-Hates-Fags march on your right. Cars honking. People chanting. Journalists swarming. Meanwhile, mounted police and SWAT teams circle the action, ready to put the hammer down at a moment's notice if things start to get ugly.

One thing that struck me: the incredible number of merchants in town. Apolitical folk who showed up with box-loads full of Obama gear, looking for nothing more than to make a quick buck. One of the guys I talked to'who was walking around, smiling, wearing a gaudy “Yes We Can” shirt'is actually a McCain supporter. Free market capitalism at its finest. Anything goes. And so here you have a photo collection from this morning's walk-around…

Brad Listi is the author of the bestselling novel Attention. Deficit. Disorder. and the founder of the online publication TheNervousBreakdown.com. You can find him at BradListi.com.

DESTINATION: Bar Standard
SIGNIFICANCE: Once known as The Shelter, this is the nightclub where Broncos cornerback Darrent Williams allegedly got into an argument with some gangbangers before he was shot and killed blocks away. But what’s a little tragedy when you can just rename a place and soothe a city’s frayed nerves with live Afro-Cuban music?

DESTINATION: Your Hotel Room
SIGNIFICANCE: Denver area escort Joy Alexander (yup, that’s really her) is doing outcalls all week!

DESTINATION: The Coachman Apartments
SIGNIFICANCE: Male prostitute Mike Jones'who? Mike Jooooones!'allegedly hosted evangelical pastor Ted Haggard here for many a meth-and-sex session before coming forward and prompting Haggard’s resignation from his megachurch. This is not what we imagined “drippin’ stains” meant.

DESTINATION: Quality Inn Central
SIGNIFIANCE: The worst-reviewed Denver hotel on tripadvisor.com! If you don’t believe us, take these two anecdotes as proof that you should never book a room here, unless you’re immune to hepatitis:

“The hotel was full of truckers, drunks, prostitutes and the homeless.”

“The A/C didn’t work, there were roaches in the room and someone even left a gift for us in the room. The gift left in the room was a pair of bloody boxer underwear and bloody towels.”

DESTINATION: The Burnsley Hotel
SIGNIFICANCE: Two weeks ago, Canadian Saleman Abdirahman Dirie was found dead in Room 408 with a pound of crystallized cyanide'enough to kill hundreds of people. Have fun averting poison attacks from schizophrenics, y’all!