Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban just can’t win. Even though he’s the most fun, approachable owner in all of professional sports, there are forces in the world that are determined to take him down. Yesterday, allegations of insider trading that could eventually land Cubes in jail surfaced, and Complex is here to tell you that it’s no coincidence. He’s a self-made jeans-and-tee billionaire who speaks his mind on one of the world’s best blogs, and that’s why these five forces are conspiring against him. Read on for indisputable evidence that may or may not have been fact checked…

SECURITIES EXCHANGE COMMISSION

Yesterday, the SEC filed a civil suit against Cuban alleging he saved $750,000 because he was tipped off about a stock dilution of Mamma.com and sold 600,000 shares just in time. We can’t imagine why a billionaire would risk fines and possible imprisonment to save what he probably drops in singles on a Tuesday buffet brunch at Dallas titty bars, but say these allegations are true, isn’t a man who’s paying Jason Kidd’s old man ankles $21 million to get broken nightly entitled to some kinda kickback for his charity?
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NBA REFEREES

At games, in interviews and on his blog, Cuban has long put refs on blast for suspect officiating. In one particularly nasty and personal attack, Cuban said that NBA manager of officials Ed T. Rush wasn’t fit to “manage a Dairy Queen.” (Pause?) After that, the Council of Shitty Officiating undoubtedly met in its underground lair and decided to fix the 2006 NBA Finals so Cuban’s Mavericks would lose to the Miami Heat with Dwyane Wade shooting almost as many free throws as the entire Dallas team in the final two games. Hey, Cuban, blow this whistle!
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NBA COMMISSIONER DAVID STERN

The Commish, a.k.a. Stern-Bot, rules the NBA with an iron fist (actually, the 2008-09 model uses aluminum alloy, which is lighter and allows him to get up in that ass faster). Stern makes and breaks hoop dreams when he activates the magnets in basketballs or commands his referee drones to favor certain players and teams. He’s fined Cuban more than $1 million for suggesting that officials are dirty or incompetent (and clearly played a part in refs stealing the 2006 Championship from the Mavericks). You don’t even want to know what Stern-Bot had waiting in prison for Tim Donaghy, the crooked ref whose gambling and game fixing lent credence to Cuban’s talk and besmirched the league. (Let’s just say his cell mate’s name is Sybian.)
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MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL

Cuban is one of the most beloved owners in basketball (at least by fans and players), and yet MLB Commissioner Bud Selig and team owners don’t want to let this free thinker anywhere near baseball, even if he could improve a team and the league. Cuban tried to buy his hometown Pittsburgh Pirates, quite possibly MLB’s most irrelevant franchise, and was turned down. He recently said he wanted to buy the Chicago Cubs, a team that has gone a century since its last World Series win, but an unnamed baseball source told The Chicago Sun-Times that he had “zero chance” of acquiring the team. Now the MLB is using the SEC allegations to lock him out, ’cause just imagine what the trouble-making maverick might expose in baseball… Gambling! Adultery! Steroids! Oh, right.
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DANCING WITH THE STARS

On the fifth season of the popular celebrity dance contest, Cuban, a onetime disco dance instructor, was voted off after only four weeks. Was there a conspiracy to knock Cubes out of his dancing shoes? Well, the eventual winner was Hélio Castroneves, the Brazilian IndyCar racer who was recently charged with CONSPIRACY and six counts of tax evasion! Just saying, it takes two to tango, and five interest groups to destroy Mark Cuban.