In what seemed like no time at all, Terrell Owens was snatched up by “North America’s Team,” the Buffalo Bills, less than a week after being cut from the Dallas “America’s Team” Cowboys. While we’re happy one of the league’s best athletes and entertainers has found another home, we just can’t see Terrell being happy in the land of Mark Twain and F. Scott Fitzgerald.
Yeah, yeah, it’ll be good for him to get out of the national spotlight for a season to get his mind right, and he’ll undoubtedly be the superstar on the team, but after giving it some thought, we came up with a couple sure-fire reasons why T.O.’s time in Buffalo may not be his happiest…
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Tony Romo says he’s ready to steer the Cowboys. Pause.
Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo is under a lot of pressure lately, and no, this time it’s not because a beastly defense is gang raping him. Last season was cursed by controversy as star receiver Terrell Owens claimed that Romo was conspiring to not throw him balls that he could in turn drop (yes, the same Owens who showed public support for his QB a year earlier by crying when the press criticized Romo for losing yet another playoff game). Such turmoil may have led to the Cowboys getting reamed 44-6 by the Philadelphia Eagles in their final game, putting an exclamation point on a late season collapse.
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Michael Irvin learns how to play defense.
If there was any doubt that the Dallas Cowboys are America’s team, they were squashed Monday night when Hall of Fame wide receiver Michael Irvin wiggled out of an attempted robbery in Big D because the would-be stickup men were Cowboys fans.
After the pair pulled up to the famous athlete at a stop light, they rolled down the window and the Irvin rolled his down too, thinking they were ball-fondling fans. Well, it turns out they were; after sticking a gun in his face they realized who he was and deaded the robbery, instead talking to the Cowboy great about their favorite team. Score one for the Cowboys! Complex imagines the conversation that might have taken place…
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It’s Thanksgiving Day, which means it’s time for somebody to carve up the Detroit Lions.
Thanksgiving is a holiday stuffed full of wonderful traditions'getting sloppy drunk at 10 A.M., inducing a coma with mass quantities of turkey and snapping wishbones in the hopes that we’ll get to put our face in Kim Kardashian’s donkey butt this year. One tradition that has no place in this mix is the NFL forcing football fans to watch the Detroit Lions get their tails whipped in a nationally televised game. Excluding 1939-1944, the Lions have been hosting T-Day games since 1934, but that doesn’t mean they should continue to even when they suck (the same goes for the currently decent Dallas Cowboys, who’ve been hosting since 1966 with the exception of 1975 and 1977).
The NFL added a third game in 2006 to counterbalance the wretchedness of its traditional games, but why not just use Thanksgiving to showcase teams that are actually good? Detroit hasn’t been in the playoffs since 1999, their current team is 0-11 and they’re playing the mighty 10-1 Tennessee Titans tomorrow (the 7-4 Cowboys face the miserable 2-9 Seattle Seahawks in another game that will put viewers to sleep faster than tryptophan). Traditionalists hate the idea of ever dumping the Lions or the Cowboys, but those assholes also think slavery and child abuse should have been preserved. So, this Thanksgiving, instead of trying to make our Kim K ass fantasies happen, we’re wishing for good football (to watch from the comfort of her donkey butt). Read on for five more horrible sports traditions that Complex wants to put an end to…
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Pacman Jones is well on his way to making the banned.
ESPN’s Chris Mortensen reported Monday that oft suspended, recently reinstated Dallas Cowboys defensive back Adam “Pacman” Jones will be banned from the National Football League for life if he gets in trouble again. Pacman first made embarrassing headlines in 2007 as a member of the Tennessee Titans when he was involved in a Las Vegas strip club shooting that paralyzed an employee (and then visited another strip club right before meeting with Commissioner Roger Goodell to discuss his misconduct).
The Commish suspended Jones for the entire 2007-08 season, then reinstated him last April. But in October, the derelict defender made his shit list again and was suspended four games when he got into a fight with one of his bodyguards. Jones ended up going to rehab for alcohol abuse and, based on recommendations from clinical specialists, he’s been reinstated again. But now, Pacman has to either be good or be gone for good. Knowing him, it’s a matter of when, not if, he’ll wash up in the Canadian Football League. Below, we envisions what the final straw could be…
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The Tennessee Titans have agreed to trade troubled defensive back Adam “Pacman” Jones to the Dallas Cowboys, adding one more shady character to America's Team. Team owner Jerry Jones is hoping that he won't make it rain court documents and only assault opposing players.
Jones, who has been arrested six times since he was drafted in 2005 (and involved in several more incidents where police were called), follows in the footsteps of Tank Johnson, who joined the 'Boys in 2007 after serving time for weapons charges. But they are only the latest Cowboys with criminal histories. After the jump, read about the history of Dallas miscreants who ran afoul of the law, either while a Cowboy or afterwards.
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