Trade deficit? What trade deficit? China sends us lead paint-laden toys to poison our infants, and we send them crazy professional basketball players to sell cheap shoes and smash their interns. Sounds fair, right?

Over the weekend, the Shanxi Zhongyu Brave Dragons of the Chinese Basketball Association announced that they had signed former Timberwolves, Nets, Suns, Knicks, and Celtics guard Stephon Marbury to a contract for the remainder of this season. It appears to be a “It can’t get any worse” type of sitch for both sides: Marbury hadn’t been picked up by an NBA team since finishing with the Celts last season, and the Brave Dragons have been playing more like Meek Lizards this year, currently 15th in a 17-team league. But who are we kidding, it’s gotta be the shoes, right? Just in case Steph wants a little company, we’ve got five more NBAers who would be a good fit in the land of pandas and smoking toddlers…

GILBERT ARENAS, WASHINGTON WIZARDS
• Talk about somebody with a little extra time on their hands (at least until he hits jail). Arenas stands to lose over $100 million if his contract with the Wizards is voided after his gun conviction, but playing in China would keep him on his best behavior: Chinese gun laws are even stricter than the ones in D.C. And if he does screw up, how about this for a reality show: Agent Zero Behind Bars…in China! Somebody’d pay good money for that.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

RON ARTEST, LOS ANGELES LAKERS
• China is consistently the largest market for Hennessy in the world, so he’d feel right at home. Ron is also signed to the Chinese sneaker brand Peak shoes, signed Chinese singer Shin Shin to his record label last summer, and there’s a Confucian quality to some of his best Tweets.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

NATE ROBINSON, NEW YORK KNICKS
• Despite big-name exports like Yao Ming, the Chinese are on average some of the shortest people in the world. Currently the shortest player in the NBA at 5′ 9,” Super Nate could probably play center in the CBA. He’s also already threatened to go to China a few months ago while in a dispute with Knicks head coach Mike D’Antoni, and following the path of Starbury from D’Antoni’s doghouse to the CBA just seems like a really wise career move. (Yes, we’re kidding.)

————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

GREG ODEN, PORTLAND TRAILBLAZERS
• Has had season-ending knee injuries in each of his three NBA seasons thus far. Maybe Chinese herbal remedies will help out?

————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

ALLEN IVERSON & TRACY MCGRADY PHILADELPHIA 76ERS AND HOUSTON ROCKETS
• Two for the price of one! The two are leading the All-Star voting for their respective positions at the moment (this despite A.I. playing in just 15 of 40 games this year, and T-Mac only 6 of 41), so somebody’s gotta get them out of here before the NBA All-Star Game turns into a 2005 throwback matchup. Speaking of, T-Mac had the highest-selling NBA jersey in China back in ‘06, maybe he’ll get more love out there.

• CLICK HERE TO SEE MORE COMPLEX SPORTS POSTS!

COUNTRY: Brazil
PRODUCT: Zeebo gaming console, $249
PROS: In a country where a PS3 can retail for $1,000, the new Zeebo is a budget-friendly alternative that—with a 3G set-up borrowed from cellphone technology—allows users to buy and download games wirelessly. Capcom, Namco, and EA are already on board to produce software.
CONS: Though the company plans to expand into Mexico, India, and China, its decidedly last-gen graphics are a drawback for serious gamers. Plus, PS3 and Xbox 360 are slashing prices like carmakers these days.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

COUNTRY: China
PRODUCT: Li Ning sneakers, $30-70
PROS: Founded by a gold-medal-winning gymnast, China’s largest sports retailer holds its own against Nike and adidas with aggressive marketing (see Beijing 2008) and sponsorship deals with U.S. stars like Baron Davis and Shaquille O’Neal.
CONS: Seriously, has Shaq ever worn a cool sneaker?

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

COUNTRY: India
PRODUCT: Tata Nano car, $2,500
PROS: Tata Motors’ “People’s Car” has four seats, a two-cylinder engine, and gets 56 mpg—and it’s cheaper than a loaded 17” MacBook Pro (or 17 iPod Nanos). More than 200,000 people in India bought the Tata Nano in its first month of sales.
CONS: The car should do well in emerging markets but with no trunk or power steering, Tata’s plans to bring the Nano stateside seem a little far-fetched. The thing makes a Civic look like a Maybach.

His most recent project goes under a new name: Monkey. With Hewlett once again handling the visuals, Monkey recently released Journey to the West as an album, which is also currently being performed as an opera in the UK. Yes, the kind where the fat lady sings. Damon and Jamie greeted press at the Spotted Pig in New York last week to give more insight to the production of the soundtrack, the struggle of animation, and advertising at the Beijing Olympics. Read the interview below…

Interview by Richard “DJ Treats” Dryden

ON THE INFLUENCE OF THE GORILLAZ ON MONKEY:

Jamie Hewlett: We remember Monkey from when we were growing up'it was a TV series in England, in the late '70s early '80s.

Damon Albarn: It was a really wacky Japanese TV show. It was the biggest show in England for a while, for my generation'the sort of 38 to 42, people in that age now. Everybody knows it.

Jamie Hewlett: Some very clever person at the BBC bought out the series to show on English television back when we had 3 channels!

Damon Albarn: The most interesting thing about Monkey is that it's extremely old. You've read the whole 16th century book? It goes back a lot further than that. There's this cave painting in China, which sort of suggests the story. So China has had sort of superheroes who fly around and blow up things and save people for thousands of years.

Jamie Hewlett: They had the original superhero…..monkey.

ON MONKEY’S OPERA PERFORMANCE:

Damon Albarn: At the moment it's gonna be in a really big tent in London up until Christmas and after that its gonna come here [America], probably.

Jamie Hewlett: We want it to go everywhere eventually but so far it's been played in opera houses for a limited time and we wanted to create a space where it could be set up for longer and more people can get a chance to see it'people who may be a bit uncomfortable going to opera houses.

Damon Albarn: We've got 150,000 tickets to sell come Christmas. So we've taken it to a far more ambitious level. Up until this point the music in the show had to be slightly different to how I'd originally envisioned it, because of the nature of opera houses and the acoustics.

Hit “NEXT” to find out more about Damon Albarn’s songwriting process, and Jamie Hewlett’s set design…”

Customized Glittery Dust Mask With Soda Hole
Pollution Protection: 3/5
Cost: $1-7

For all you do-it yourselfers, use a simple arts and craft technique to have the mask meet your needs! Dust masks often come in multi-packs, so if you change your country alliances halfway through the games, it’s not a huge expense.

Shaquille O’Neal and Dwight Howard Masks
Pollution Protection: 1/5
Cost: $0

The Chinese loooove basketball, so posing as an American celebrity player is sure to get you through any smog-filled lines and right into the stadium. Print out, cut along the dotted lines, and head for the VIP entrance, my dude.

Designer Gas Masks
Pollution Protection: 5/5
Cost: $5,000+

China is the Motherland of bootleg Gucci and Louis Vuitton, so these one-of-one designer gas masks made by Diddo Velema will make you the talk of the town while staying extra safe.

“Terrorist” Scarf
Pollution Protection: 3/5
Cost: $7-50

The best part about going to war with other cultures is checking out the new fashion styles and appropriating them! A word of advice on the shemagh though: be sure to uncover your face before approaching the ticket counter. Word to Rachael Ray.

Hockey, track and field, and swimming are the three disciplines he drew into porcelain basins made by Roca. So now the only question is…who’s gonna do toilets? Sounds like a job for the Japanese. See the other two sinks below.

Over at the Shanghai Urban Planning Museum, they’ve erected a 1000 square foot model of what Shanghai will look like in the year 2020. Not only do they make insanely huge, detailed, and cool replicas of cities with 20 million inhabitants, they, you know, plan for the future. Yikes Matilda, brush up on your Cantonese'our suburban sprawl-lovin’ asses are grass! For a variety of pics of the Shanghai model, check out the gallery below.

[Flickr via Neatorama]

Anyone who watched Team USA’s Olympic warm-up games against Turkey, Lithuania, and Russia in Macau didn’t need HD to see that Coach K’s grill was all kinds of fucked up red and puffy. With the Redeem Team kicking ass, we were free to ponder the what the hell happened to his famous face. See our best guesses below.

HE GOT HIS ASS KICKED

Coach K started a ruckus in a casino after he bet LeBron James’s Olympic commitment at a blackjack table and lost. He then had to be forcibly removed and beaten in the street by Macau police.

EXCESSIVE CELEBRATION

He figured the gold medal was a foregone conclusion and started pounding champagne in celebration, then experienced “Asian Glow.”

ATE BAD FISH

Perhaps K got some bad fish head that didn’t agree with him.

ATE BAD LADYBOY

He’s on the road, he’s lonely…you never know.

HE SOLD HIS SOUL

Long ago, Coach K descended into hell and made a deal with the Red Devil to become lord of the Blue Devils and win basketball games at a stuffy, preppy, whitebread-ass university. The Big Homie upstairs smite him with blotchy facial stains as punishment. Yes, God hates Duke too.

The flicks were taken in the area surrounding Moganshan Road, which makes up the city’s art district. From quirky characters to politically conscious messages, it seems like they’re experimenting with a variety of different styles. Check out a few more flicks below.

[Juxtapoz]

Let’s hope A-Ron The Don’s new Off Bowery line doesn’t smells like the old LES too. [High Snobiety]

Tonight’s South Park is an homage to Heavy Metal. [NY Mag]

While investigating the 2Pac shooting, why did the LA Times believe this guy? [Smoking Gun]

China has figured out how to control the weather. [Technology Review]

The classic terrorism combat game has become a favorite with the younger monks at the local Labrang Monastery, who unwind by playing at a nearby Internet cafe. “Apparently, the monks are not permitted to drink alcohol, eat meat or be married, but it's totally acceptable for them to play violent video games,” said an employee of Gearbox Software, who witnessed them in action. Good to hear someone can still tell the difference between fantasy and reality.

[MTV Multiplayer]