Prince has always had top-shelf taste in women, and nothing shows that more than the impressive list of singers, dancers, and just plain hot girls whom he discovered, changed the names of, and mentored (presumably with his genitals). It was actually tough to narrow it down to ten, but we’re pressed for space (this bandwidth ain’t cheap, people). So, Apollonia, this one’s for you!

APOLLONIA
Real Name: Apollonia Kotero
Prince Era: Purple Rain
Fun Fact: Actually recorded the first version of “Manic Monday” (which Prince wrote), before those filthy Bangles took it and blew up.

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KIM BASINGER
Real Name: uh, Kim Basinger.
Prince Era: Batman soundtrack
Fun Fact: A rumor persists to this day involving Prince, Kim, a recording session, and a pot honey. No, a literal pot of honey.

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DIAMOND AND PEARL
Real Names: Lori Elle and Robia LaMorte
Prince Era: Diamonds and Pearls
Fun Fact: Diamond and Pearl are not actually composed of the mineral substances they’re named after. Shocker, we know.

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SHEENA EASTON
Real Name: Sheena Orr
Prince Era: Between 1999 and Purple Rain
Fun Fact: Prince wrote her hit “Sugar Walls” under the pseudonym “Alexander Nevermind.” We’re guessing he blew his cleverness load on that song’s oh-so-cryptic title.

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CARMEN ELECTRA
Real Name: Tara Patrick (and now you know where Linda Ann Hopkins got her porn name!)
Prince Era: When he changed his name to that glyph that means “I hate Warner Brothers.”
Fun Fact: On her eponymous debut R&B/rap album, Carmen actually didn’t write her own lyrics. We know!

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MAYTE GARCIA
Real Name: Mayte Garcia
Prince Era: Chaos and Disorder, Emancipation, Crystal Ball. (Three albums, 9 CDs, combined sales of 17. We see why they got the marriage annulled.)
Fun Fact: At one time she was considered the world’s youngest belly dancer. And Prince is the world’s oldest woodland nymph!

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TAJA SEVELLE
Real Name: Nancy Richardson
Prince Era: Sign O’ The Times
Fun Fact: Her website claims that she invented a “kitchen appliance that will debut on QVC this holiday season.” Get your credit cards ready.

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TÁMAR
Real Name: Ashley Davis
Prince Era: 3121
Fun Fact: She was one of the original members of Girl’s Tyme, along with Beyonce Knowles and Kelly Rowland. Guess what group that went on to become? If you said Bell Biv DeVoe, you’re right!

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BRIA VALENTE
Real Name: Brenda Fuentes
Prince Era: Planet Earth and Lotusflow3r
Fun Fact: Looks just a teensy bit like a man. Is that a fun fact? It is if you’re into trannies!

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VANITY
Real Name: Denise Matthews
Prince Era: Controversy and 1999
Fun Fact: Before she met Prince, Vanity was the face of Pearl Drops toothpaste. A face full of pearl drops? That’s Prince’s top requirement!

There’s no way Complex is waiting three years for the film (film!), so we’ve taken the liberty of providing a few updated casting choices, complete with references to the original actresses. So please, kick back with some SPF 40 and a Piña Colada and enjoy our picks for the Girls of the New Baywatch Movie. Just don’t bring your Vaseline to the beach, homies. You know, sand and such…

Marisa is America’s current All-American blond beach girl and Pam was America’s original All-American Canadian blond beach girl. Sounds like a (near) perfect match to us.
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Does this mean we can also go ahead and pencil Audrina in for the inevitable BASEketball remake before she fades into obscurity? If there’s a god it does!
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OK, so this isn’t such an exact match, but we had to have Jessica in the list and she can be the mature (ha!), intelligent (hee!), reasoned (please stop us) member of the crew. Minus the man’s haircut.
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Burns’ original character’s name was Jessie Owens; Rafaeli only gets the job if she does the high jump…oh who are we kidding. If she can pass our mouth to mouth exam, she’s in.
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Look, tokenism in Hollywood sucks and it isn’t anything new, and we hate to reinforce it…almost as much as we like looking at pictures of model/video chick K.D.
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Carmen’s got a mix of Irish, German, and Cherokee ancestry; Kim’s Armenian, Scotch, and Dutch. How different would the world be if Carmen had grown up when it was acceptable to have a great big beautiful ass?
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The show’s name was changed to Baywatch Hawaii when Stacy joined the cast in ‘99, a nod to her homestate. We’ll call it Baywatch Trailer Park as long as our hot Hawaiian homegirl Jarah agrees to be a part of it.
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Kelly’s character’s last name was “Giminski.” We’ll give Hayden a more eloquent surname in our version.
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Mitzi played Alex Ryker, the mother hen of the Baywatch crew. Rachel can sit on our eggs any time she wants.

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Eleniak was the original blond Baywatch Babe, before Pam Anderson joined the cast and stole the show in season three. We’re hoping that Scar-Jo’s skinny-dipping swim scene in He’s Just Not That Into You was just a warm up…not that we watched that movie.

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