Shia LaBeouf’s mildly entertaining new thriller, Eagle Eye, doesn’t deserve a full-on ass-to-mouth deuce chucking, but neither does it deserve Ayo!’s godly long-stroke. In it, LaBeef-a-roni and Michelle Monaghan play a loser copy boy and a single mother who are framed as terrorists, then coerced into carrying out a terrorist plot by a cell that seems to know everything about them and have control over everything from cell phones to stop lights.

Ayo! doesn’t want to give away the big twist, but he will say this: The plot plays out like an orgy in which 1984 reams The Terminator while Stealth eats out I, Robot, which in turn gives Enemy of the State a “Jamaican accordion.” Sounds like reason to go grab some jerk sauce and choke a chicken, but it’s really nothing Ayo! hasn’t seen before (especially the orgy! Thanks, Katie Couric!). Two things Ayo! has seen before that he should have seen in this flick but didn’t are Rosario Dawson’s twos. OK, she’s an Air Force agent, but isn’t that all the more reason to let those big birds fly? And that’s only one symptom of the sexlessness of this film. Ayo! still doesn’t buy the Transformers romance between Megan Fox and average dude LaBouffant, but it’s equally unbelievable that he wouldn’t get something popping with the more modest Monaghan while they run for their lives. Did parties conspire to eliminate all sexual tension from this film? Seriously, that’s a conspiracy theory worth looking into. America, get on the case! Start by checking out the Eagle Eye trailer:

After watching him play a sex-crazed writer on Californication so convincingly, it should come as no surprise that David Duchovny recently hit rehab for his real-life sex addiction.

According to an old Dateline report, over 16 million men and women suffer from sex addiction, yet celebs seem to be the most at-risk population. But really, though: wouldn’t any man with money, fame, and unlimited access to bangable chicks become addicted to sex at some point? We did a little research, and found this fascinating tidbit: “Pornography, combined with regular masturbation, is the cornerstone for most sex addicts.” Fuck! Even us regular Joe’s may be in trouble.

Far be it from us to make light of celebrity missteps, but we’ve compiled a list of famous sex addicts'not for us to laugh at, but for us to learn from. Pay attention.

Click here to see Hollywood’s biggest sex fiends and the women they left behind…