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‘Blindness’ Is Worth A Look

Ayo! Scott doesn’t think very highly of humanity, which is perfect, because it allows him to treat people like shit and still get eight to nine hours of sleep a night. But if he needed a film to strengthen his resolve to be an asshole, director Fernando Meirelles’s Blindness would be that…

Ayo! Scott Pokes Shia LaBeouf In His Eagle Eye

Ayo! Scott isn’t some kinda nutty conspiracy theorist fruitcake, but why is it that every conspiratorial thriller Hollywood spits out wastes two hours of his precious time? Could the fat cats in the movie biz be trying to distract Ayo! from his life’s important work—shitting on shitty films and making sweet love to good ones? Just saying, when you’re a big time power broker like Ayo!, you make powerful enemies…Read on to see the review of Eagle Eye and watch the trailer…

Samuel L. Jackson’s Most Mailed-In Performances

If the muthafuckin’ check is in the muthafuckin’ mail, Samuel L. Jackson will show up and scream at the muthafuckin’ camera. Nobody mails in a performance better than Sammy, who can pull a one-note angry black man out of his ass on command (long pause).

His latest mail-in is Lakeview Terrace, in which he plays an enraged cop who torments and yells at his new neighbors (Kerry Washington and Patrick Wilson) because he disapproves of their interracial relationship. In honor of Sammy getting paid to display less range than dribbled ejaculate, Complex looks back at his five most mailed-in performances…

What Killed ‘Righteous Kill’?

Apparently, Ayo! Scott has more respect for Robert De Niro and Al Pacino than they have for themselves. Their new buddy cop thriller Righteous Kill marks the first time the two acting legends have shared the screen for more than a few brief scenes, and unfortunately it craps the Depends like every other film they’ve done recently. Check out Ayo!’s 5 reasons why Righteous Kill licks sac…

5 Things That Rock Harder Than ‘The Rocker’

Ayo! Scott only knows one way to rock out: with his cock out. His exposed member (ladies, all together now: AYO!) got harder than Rick Allen’s severed arm when he saw that Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute from The Office) was playing a wild drummer from an ’80s hair band in The Rocker. Then Ayo! saw the movie and put his penis back in his pants…

Child Murderer Seeks Redemption In ‘Boy A’

A lot of fucked up acts are forgivable and forgettable, but brutally murdering a child isn’t one of them (that’s why Ayo! Scott never leaves evidence to link him to the crime). Boy A, which premiered on British television in November 2007 and hits U.S. theaters today, deals with one young man’s struggle to find life after death…

The Wackness Is Dope Enough

When Ayo! Scott wants to revisit his youth, he watches Kids. Other than the raving and raping, Larry Clark’s 1995 classic about aimless NYC teens skating, boozing, drugging, fucking, fighting, and slurping juice with tampons is like a day in the life of young Ayo!

The Wackness, set in 1994, taps into some of the same nostalgia. High school outsider Luke Shapiro (Josh Peck) spends the summer before college selling weed, getting put up on new hip-hop by his connect (Method Man), trading trees for psychiatric therapy, and crushing on his shrink’s stepdaughter (Ayo!’s boo-to-be, Olivia Thirlby). While Kids captured actual city teenagers doing how they once did, The Wackness attempts to transport young actors back in time, which proves tricky. The era references and slang spilling out of their mouths feel forced and untrue at times—though still infinitely more believable than a mesh-tank-top-rockin’ Meth’s embarrassing Jafakin’ accent.

If some details are off, the film still wins by focusing on the angst of first love, making it the coming-of-age story to Clark’s cumming-in-underage-girls story. After all, between skating, boozing, drugging, fucking, fighting, and slurping juice with tampons, we did occasionally fall in love with these hoes. See the trailer and watch scenes after the jump.

Wanted Hits The Target

Wanted could easily inspire an office shooting. Ayo! Scott means that as a compliment—not that he promotes that sort of thing (unless your boss is the type of asshole to keep you late on a Friday).

Based loosely on Mark Millar and J.G. Jones’s comic series, Wanted tells the story of cubicle-bound schmuck Wesley Gibson (James McAvoy), who hates himself because he constantly takes shit from everyone in his life and does nothing about it. Then he meets Fox (Angelina Jolie), a sexy, gun-toting assassin who introduces him to a secret society of shooters that his estranged father once belonged to. Soon he realizes he’s a born killer and escapes his old life as a professional pussy to pop off shots like Peter North.

As summer blockbusters go, Wanted hits the target with bare-assed Angelina and a visual redefinition of busting off on someone’s dome. It also pulls some conspicuous jack moves on Fight Club and The Matrix, but hey, you could steal from much shittier movies (and it’s not like the comic, which stole Eminem and Halle Berry’s likenesses was theft-free). The message here is just as important as it was the first couple times around: No matter how low you are, a gun can always make things better. So grab yourself a hand cannon and have yourself a blast. Check out the trailer and Complex’s three-minute reenactment after the jump.

The Strangers Will Make You Soil Yourself

Other than paternity suits, convincing transvestites, and the discovery that eating Lucky Charms can give you syphilis/mad cow disease/AIDS, there’s little that scares Ayo! Scott. Put plainly, Ayo! Scott is no bitch. And yet The Strangers, a taut little home invasion thriller, had me shook like a prick after a piss (it’s good to the last drop).

The story is simple. Kristen and James (Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman) arrive at his family’s isolated vacation home for a very awkward getaway after she rejects his marriage proposal. As if it weren’t torturous enough spending the night together surrounded by the champagne and rose petals he’s set up in anticipation of her acceptance, a malicious, seemingly motive-less, masked trio arrives to terrorize them with sharp objects, window scribbling, and the ability to disappear quickly before double-takes.

What the movie lacks in plot complexity and character development, it makes up for by building suspense with minimal gore and consistently startling you even when you expect the tormentors to pop out. First-time feature director Bryan Bertino does a great job of finding the bitch in you, again and again. So if you want a woman to grab a hold of your arm, The Strangers is a great choice. Just put the cologne on heavy in case you shit yourself. See the bowel-loosening trailer below.