Etan Cohen, the writer of films like Idiocracy and this summer's Tropic Thunder, knows comedy. But he's no dummy'he knows powerful dramas are the path to an Academy Award. So Cohen came up with a few serious issues he wanted to “explore,” and teamed with Complex's crack casting department to create some movie pitches sure to have him walking the red carpet come Oscar season. Ain't a damn thing funny…

Title: CAMILLE PAGLIA'S ANIMAL HOUSE
Etan's Pitch: “It's not cheap nudity'it's a knowing commentary on cheap nudity! It's not fart jokes'it's a critical examination of what makes farts funny!”
Complex Casts: Susan Sarandon as the “feminist other feminists love to hate,” with Tim Robbins as the janitor who lets down his guard and warms to the flatulent nude nymphs 
frolicking around him.

Title: IRONIA
Etan's Pitch: “The world's most ironic girl has cancer! Poor Ironia is stricken with two ailments'cancer and sarcastic, wisecracking precocity. Experience the ultimate feel-good ending when the cancer eats through her jaw! We dare you to tolerate the snarky deathbed speech!”
Complex Casts: Ellen Page in the title role, with Verne Troyer as her grumpy but oh-so-wise doctor.

Title: MICHAEL MOORE PRESENTS: NAZIS ARE BAD
Etan's Pitch: “The award-winning filmmaker continues his brave quest to confirm things everyone in Hollywood already thinks.”
Complex Casts: Michael Moore as the crusading documentarian who, after taking on automakers, the gun lobby, stubbed toes, and hangnails, turns his attention to the scourge of National Socialism.