Kelly Clarkson didn’t ask viewers if she looked fat in her outfit when she appeared on American Idol last week to sing “My Life Would Suck Without You,” but America was kind enough to answer yes. After the show, the Internets started a rumor that Clarkson is pregnant (on stage, she told Ryan Seacrest that she’s not currently dating anyone; a record label rep has since said that the rumor is false). Thanks for making a girl feel good about herself, America.

Still, the thought of Clarkson knocked up got us to wondering if she’d make a good wife’assuming you’re one of those saps who marries the woman he impregnates (if we lived by that code, we’d have to move to Utah and buy a bigger house). Check out the cases for Kelly Clarkson being a wifey and a trifey and cast your vote to determine which she is…


WIFEY?
• Nobody wants an insecure chick who’s constantly complaining about how fat she is. Clarkson’s parents raised her to be proud of her curves, so she’s cool with being big boneded. Which is good, considering the enormity of our manhood.

TRIFEY?
• She’s already got that “I’ve been wifed up five years” thickness about her. And with her Greek genes, it won’t be long before we’re looking back on these as her petite years.

The idea of devoting 90 seconds of our lives on the internet to watch these two make out and have sex posing naked reminds us of the great sex scandals and sluts that American Idol has given us over the years, so we’ve compiled the best below.

Jessica Sierra

This one is really a class act. After placing tenth (f’ing terrible), the girl went on to travel around the world playing concerts, leak a hardcore sex tape, wind up on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew and make a complete ass of herself as a coke-addled hussy. Awww, an American tragedy.

Antonella Barba

Every guy loves a trashy Jersey girl, and while you can just type “ass-to-ass Jersey girl” into Google, sometimes it’s way more fun to see someone from TV without their clothes on. When Antonella Barba’s nudie pics leaked while she was singing on the show, ratings skyrocketed, and the Idol judges abandoned their previous policy of kicking contestants off for shitty singing.

Olivia Mojica

Olivia Mojica, a top 24 contestant on Season Two of “American Idol,” may be just ok at singing, but she’s awesome at sex. Her sex tape leaked to the good old “i” net a little while back, and it’s worth heading over to Megarotic or other smut sites for . She was already off the show when this leaked, so no big deal, unless you’re her parents. Sigh.

Paula Abdul

Paula Abdul might have boned one of the American Idol contestants. This would be really bad if she was a teacher and one of the dudes was 10, but it’s Hollywood. This stuff happens all the time right? Abdul rarely knows what the fuck she’s doing, and dude just wanted to get his pony-pet by a washed up A-lister. If anything we feel bad for him. Check the bonus video of what post coitus might have been like. Wow.

Last year's word slurring and overall mind-disheveling interview she gave to a Seattle morning news show was a red flag that Abdul was a bit of a scatter brain. Then, unfathomable overemotional scenes on her reality show just added fuel to the “she's-f'ing-nuts” fire. Sure, we can't forget the Paula from the days of “Straight Up” where the sexy singer was her sharpest, but over the years, she’s been slipping. Watch the string of mini-debacles unfold after the jump.

Severely Confused on American Idol 4/29/08

Allegedly Drunk On Seattle Fox News

Flirting With Cartoon Characters For Her “Opposites Attract” video

Having A Sobbing Meltdown On Her Reality Show

Trying to talk…and failing on QVC