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From Bums to Champs: 10 Athletes Who Failed Up

intern — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 23:28:53 +0000

News flash: pro athletes have it pretty sweet. If regular working stiffs get arrested, act like lazy assholes, or use hate speech, we lose our jobs and aren’t likely to find another one soon. But in the world of sports, it turns out that doing a little yay, a little time in the pen, or cussing out your boss will not only get you another job, but a better one!

This week came the news that running back Larry Johnson had signed with the 7-2, AFC Central-leading Cincinnati Bengals after being released by the 2-7, AFC West cellar-dwelling Kansas City Chiefs, who, despite their woeful performance this year, cashiered the former Pro Bowler for (among other things) Chris Brownin’ broads in the club, dissing Chiefs head coach Todd Haley on Twitter, and using gay slurs to address the media. It turns out though that LJ isn’t the first to make a similar worst to first upgrade based on his own fuckery, as you’ll see with our History of Upward Failing Athletes…

DARRYL STRAWBERRY
TEAMS: From 1995 San Francisco Giants to 1996 New York Yankees
UPWARD FAIL: How do you get back at the league for suspending you for sniffing a little coke? How about joining the biggest American sports franchise right as they’re on the brink of a dynasty. The Giants went on to finish in last place both in ‘95 and ‘96, while Darryl scooped up three rings with the Yankees in ‘96, ‘98 and ‘99. Damn, revenge is a hell of a drug, too.

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ANDRE RISON
TEAMS: 1995 Cleveland Browns to 1996 Green Bay Packers
UPWARD FAIL: Rison had the worst season of his career in ‘95, just as the Browns were in the process of relocating to Baltimore. The fans weren’t too happy and let Rison know at the home games. His response? “We didn’t make the fucking move. So, for all the booers, fuck you too! I’ll be glad when we get to Baltimore, if that’s the case.” Rison never made it to Baltimore because after a brief stint with the Jaguars in ‘96, he went to the Packers that same season to help Brett Favre and the boys win Super Bowl XXXI.

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ISAIAH RIDER
TEAMS: 2000 Atlanta Hawks to 2000-01 Los Angeles Lakers
UPWARD FAIL: Arrests, mandatory drug counseling by the NBA, and showing up late to games got J.R. released by the Hawks after the lockout-shortened 2000 season. Rider landed on his feet though, signing to the Lakers where he played off the bench the majority of the season and won a ring despite being left off the playoff roster. See kids, fuckery can lead to success. Well, at least temporarily.

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TERRELL OWENS
TEAMS: 2003 San Francisco 49ers to 2004 Philadelphia Eagles
UPWARD FAIL:After the ‘03 season a contract dispute occurred when T.O.’s now former agent, David Joseph, forgot to void the remaining years of his contract with the 49ers, resulting in the team retaining rights to Owens. After much whinging by Owens, S.F. traded him to the Eagles for a draft pick and defensive end Brandon Whiting. T.O. went on to play in his first Super Bowl that season with Donovan McNabb, before bitching his way out of Philly as well.

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JIMMY JACKSON
TEAMS: 2004 New Orleans Hornets to 2004-05 Phoenix Suns
UPWARD FAIL: The Hornets were in the rebuilding process and acquired Jackson to help bring along younger players on the team. J.J. didn’t go in for that mentoring shit, and never even showed up in Nola. The Hornets then traded him to the Suns where Jackson made it to the Conference Finals in consecutive seasons, which was just a little better than the Hornets, who had a combined record of 56-108 over those campaigns.

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RANDY MOSS
TEAMS: 2006 Oakland Raiders to 2007 New England Patriots
UPWARD FAIL: Moss wrapped up his feelings about playing for 2-14 Oakland pretty succinctly in an ‘06 interview: “Maybe because I’m unhappy and I’m not too much excited about what’s going on, so, my concentration and focus level tend to go down sometimes when I’m in a bad mood.” Such sentiments got Randy shipped to the Patriots in ‘07 (for a fourth-round draft choice) where he set records with his new BFF Tom Brady and participated in the only 16-0 regular season in NFL history. The Raiders? Well, they doubled their win total from ‘06 and finished 4-12. Yeah if we went from worst to near perfect we’d have that same Kool-Aid smile Moss is sportin’ in the pic above too.

STEPHON MARBURY
TEAMS: 2009 New York Knicks to 2009 Boston Celtics
UPWARD FAIL:You would figure hooking up with an intern in the back of your truck, threatening your coach with blackmail, going MIA for a few days, and just refusing to play would get you out of your contract quickly. It actually took Marbury a few years but it was worth the wait when he joined the defending champ Boston Celtics last season, who went to the playoffs while the Knicks went fishin’. Too bad Starbury was one season late for the Celts world championship, and a bit too crazy to stay on the roster for this season.

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ADAM MORRISON
TEAMS: 2009 Charlotte Bobcats to 2009 Los Angeles Lakers
UPWARD FAIL: The worst teams get the top draft picks in order to maintain competition in the league, but A-Mo, the third overall pick in the ‘06 draft, wasn’t doing much for the failing Bobcats, so they shipped him to L.A., where he was there riding the pine when the Lakers picked up their 15th NBA title. Although our favorite tennis hottie slaying bench boy will probably see more playing time than him this season.

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VICENTE PADILLA
TEAMS: 2009 Texas Rangers to 2009 Los Angeles Dodgers
UPWARD FAIL: 2009 didn’t start off so hot for Vicente: he caught swine flu and was released from the Rangers (despite Texas being in playoff contention themselves) for being a “disruptive presence in the clubhouse.” But he got picked up by the L.A., where he went 4-0 down the stretch, and won the clinchin Game 3 of the NLDS, all while the Rangers were at home carving pumpkins.

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LARRY JOHNSON
TEAMS: 2009, Kansas City Chiefs to Cincinnati Bengals
UPWARD FAIL: Larry Johnson is the most recent addition to this lucky group. Makes us think some of the Lions should his strategy of picking up felony assault charges and going in on the head coach via Twitter to get out of the endless cycle of losing. Although don’t take it too far and end up like this guy.

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Complex Presents: The 50 Greatest MMA Dominations

jerwin — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:45:48 +0000

You know what’s fun? Watching other people getting their ass kicked. Real talk—we ain’t proud of it, but it’s true—why else do you think a crowd gathers every time there’s a brawl? Somehow we doubt it’s ’cause they want to be the first to administer first aid. So when it came time for us to eff around and kill (OK, maybe just maim) a little time, we thought, What better way to do it than watch some no holds barred fighting action—no, not high school girls soccer, Mixed Martial Arts.

We don’t really know a rear naked choke from an armbar, so we got Ben Goldstein of CagePotato.com to give us a list of his favorite takedowns, and voila—50 of the Bloodiest, Gruesomest, Limb-Twistingest MMA Dominations of All Time. Enjoy, and if you get too hyped up, remember to count to ten and never, ever punch your sister…

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Flippin’ The Bird: A History Of The Middle Finger In Sports

intern — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 23:08:50 +0000

There are few gestures that cross all social, culture, and economic barriers, but the middle finger is one of them. This weekend while his Tennessee Titans playing their best game of the year against the Buffalo Bills, Titans owner Bud Adams decided to add the universal signal to the cheer of the home crowd. Adams was fined $250,000 by the league for his actions, but he isn’t the first or last sports figure to flip the bird at a game.

In honor of Adams’ one finger, double-fisted salute, here’s our list of the best middle fingers in sports caught on camera. From baseball to Formula 1 racing, we’ve got them covered, so stick it where the sun don’t shine and enjoy…

15. JOE NEDNEY, SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS, 2007
• Life isn’t easy for a kicker, no one really notices when you do well and fans are ready to castrate you when you miss any kick within 40 yards. Nedney didn’t feel like losing his balls or pride so this subtle yet effective form of the gesture worked just fine.

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14. JOSE CANSECO, TORONTO BLUE JAYS, 1998
• Before becoming the biggest snitch in pro sports, Canseco was an ass clown both on the field and off, as seen in this pic.

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13. PAT BURRELL, PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES, 2006
• Baseball is full of hand gestures that only a sign language instructor would be able to interpret, but Pat decided to go with universal expression that takes only a split second to understand.

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12. DANNY TIATTO, BRISBANE ROAR (SOCCER), 2009
• The beautiful game? Hardly. With more flops, nut grabs and complaints than all ~~real~~ American sports combined soccer is just as dirty as very other sport. This clip is just another piece of evidence.

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11. COACH DAVE HAKSTOL, UNIVERSITY OF NORTH DAKOTA HOCKEY TEAM, 2008
• We’re guessing that if you’re the head coach of a college hockey team, this is about one of the only ways you’re making it to the news anytime soon.

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10. JOE GLENN, UNIVERSITY OF WYOMING FOOTBALL, 2007
• Don’t lie: if your team was getting its ass kicked 43-0, you’d be doing the same.

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9. BROCK LESNAR, UFC, 2009
• In this post-fight clip from UFC 100, Lesnar brought some of his WWE fuckery to the world of MMA by playing his “evil villian” persona. Only thing is, in MMA, everyone beats the hell out of each other till they’re unconscious so there are no such things as villains.

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8. DAVID COULTHARD, FORMULA 1, 2000
• We’ve all done this at one point or another on the road, so the fact that Formula 1 drivers do it at speeds well over 100 mph makes us feel a little better.

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7. BRIAN GAICOMINI, LOUISVILLE FOOTBALL TEAM, 2007
• Hey, they’re going to hate you regardless, so either come out flipping as this college player did, or swing on ‘em later on.

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6. MASSIMO BUSACCA, SOCCER REFEREE, 2009
• Referees are supposed to be the one’s holding order, but when Busacca was fed up with heckling from fans he opted for this card rather than the yellow or red one.

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5. SEAN WILLIAMS, NEW JERSEY NETS, 2008
• We figured everyone would be all smiles during All-Star weekend, between the dunk contest, All-Star Game and other festivities, what’s not to love? Well, something pissed off Williams after this Rookie vs. Sophomores game enough for him to give the one-finger salute.

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4. MIKE DITKA, CHICAGO BEARS
• It’s real hard to look this cool and give the finger. Another reason why Ditka will remain one of the all time greats—unlike this asshole.

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3. JACK MCDOWELL, NEW YORK YANKEES, 1995
• Flipping off opposing fans isn’t really anything special, but giving home fans the finger after getting bombed? Yeah, that’s badass.

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2. MICHAEL VICK, ATLANTA FALCONS, 2006
• Vick was fined $10,000 for showing his version of the dirty bird; we bet he would have paid that 100 times over to avoid what was in store for him. Damn, doggy!

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1. BUD ADAMS, TENNESSEE TITANS OWNER, 2009
• Who said all NFL owners are boring billionaires with no personality or sense of humor? Bud put his own twist on the home crowd’s cheer in this clip.

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Chiggity-Chick Yourself: Bill Belichick’s Biggest Fails

intern — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 23:09:14 +0000

Even the greats make mistakes. And when those mistakes are made by villainous ~~cheats~~ characters with reps like New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, we all bask in their failure. Last night, when Belichick opted for his Pats to go for it on 4th down from their own 28-yard line with two minutes left and a six-point lead, every non-N.E. fan rejoiced because they knew what was coming next—a Peyton Manning game-winning drive, and more importantly, a Belichick loss.

Can’t really pin this one on Brady and the boys, this one falls squarely on the sleeveless shoulders of Billy B. However, this wasn’t his first brain fart. In honor of his blunder, here’s a list of Belichick’s biggest fails…

MADDEN/NFL HEAD COACH ASSOCIATION SNUB
WHEN: 2000
BELICHICK FAIL: As Madden heads may have noticed, the man roaming the Patriots sidelines in the game is not Belichick, but a generic-ass “NE Coach.” See, Belichick has refused to join the NFL Head Coaches Association, meaning Madden doesn’t have licensing rights to his image. Lighten up, Bill! But seriously, though: If you use the Patriots in Madden, you mad cheesy as it is.

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SLEEVELESS HOODIE
WHEN: 2004 season
BELICHICK FAIL: Unlike some players, coaches around the league aren’t really known as trend-setters. But when Belichick decided to get on his hobo steez, we all had to wonder. Was he prepping for a role as Darth Sidious in the next Star Trek movie?

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BELICHICK’S AFFAIR
WHEN: July 2005
BELICHICK FAIL: Belichick’s grimy ways don’t stop on the field—he goes way out of bounds in his personal life, too. These came to light when it was revealed he was running game on New York Giants receptionist Sharon Shenocca. Belichick’s real wifey, Debby Clarke, threw a flag and they were divorced by summer 2006. To be honest, though, that might be more of an upgrade W for Bill than a fail.

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SPYGATE
DATE: September 9, 2007
BELICHICK FAIL: After a tip from the New York Jets, league officials caught one of Belichick’s video assistants on the field taping the Jets’ signals for defense. The league subsequently fined Belichick $500,000 and took away the Patriots 2008 first round draft pick. The Patriots went on to lose the Super Bowl that season and their golden-boy quarterback to a season-long injury the next. God don’t like ugly.

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SUPER BOWL XLII LOSS
DATE: February 3, 2008
BELICHICK FAIL: After completing a perfect regular season record of 16-0 and advancing through the playoffs to Super Bowl XLII, Belichick and his Patriots seemed destined to complete NFL history. However, the New York Giants killed the Pats’ unbeaten dreams with a last-minute TD drive (word to ~~Plaxico~~ Inmate #0125269). Weeks of running up scores and videotaping finally caught up with Belichick. Karma’s a bitch!

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POST-GAME “HANDSHAKES”
WHEN: September 20, 2009
BELICHICK FAIL: When the Patriots win by 20+ points, Belichick at least fakes a lukewarm smile and gives a phony-ass handshake, but in defeat—especially against hated rivals—Billy is off the field faster than Goodell levies fines for TD celebrations.

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BONUS: LAST NIGHT’S LOSS
WHEN: November 15, 2009
BELICHICK FAIL: After pretty much single-handedly giving the game away to the Colts, Belichick completes the painful sore loser handshake while his ~~goon~~ bodyguard mushes a cameraman. At least Belichick keeps it 100—whether it’s going for another touchdown when his team’s already up by three touchdowns in the 4th or sending his henchman to do the dirty work, Billy remains a classless asshole. Gotta love the consistency!

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For The Love Of The Game: A Recent History Of Athlete Couples

intern — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 16:45:31 +0000

In sports, it’s not always about male athletes running off with groupies, hookers or D-list celebrities that look like hookers. Some athletes look for someone who can be a match for them both off and on the court.

Last week, Lakers’ best bench boy Sasha Vujacic scored major points off the court by dating Russian tennis beauty Maria Sharapova,, so we decided to look at athlete couples of the past and present. We ranked these couples based on relationship endurance, success in their sports, and of course the hotness of the female athlete in each couple. You know the saying: Behind every great (or even just middling) male athlete stands a way hotter (and often more accomplished) female athlete…

10. MARIA SHARAPOVA (TENNIS) AND SAHSA VUJACIC (NBA)
CURRENT STATUS: Just started dating.
OVERALL: Even if you’re the Lakers’ bitchboy, this year has been good to you. You got a ring despite riding the bench, and you’re now with one of the hottest female athletes of the decade, who’s one of the top tennis players in the world with three Grand Slams to her name. Sure, Maria’s wearing the pants in this relationship; at least Sash gets to watch her take ‘em off, too.

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9. MIA HAMM (SOCCER) AND NOMAR GARCIAPARRA (BASEBALL)
CURRENT STATUS: Married since 2003.
OVERALL: Nomar left the Red Sox right before they won it all in 2004; it’s OK he can always look at Mia’s two gold medals.

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8. HEATHER MITTS (SOCCER) AND AJ FEELEY (NFL)
CURRENT STATUS: Engaged.
OVERALL: Being backup QB isn’t so bad when your fiancée has been named ESPN.com’s sexiest female athlete of the year and has a couple Olympic soccer gold medals. Our advice to Feeley: Stay in the pocket and you should be good.

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7. CANDACE PARKER (WNBA) AND SHELDEN WILLIAMS (NBA)
CURRENT STATUS: Married since Nov. 2008
OVERALL: As with other celebrity couples, sometimes you look at them and think how the fuck did this happen? But we’re not mad at Shelden…just confused. This love and basketball couple had their first baby girl back in May of this year…hopefully she has her mother’s looks and skills on the court.

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6. MISTY MAY-TREANOR (VOLLYEBALL) AND MATT TREANOR (MLB)
CURRENT STATUS: Married since 2004.
OVERALL: Your wifey goes to work in a bikini, wins gold medals, and is half of the winningest female volleyball duo of all time (not to mention caked up off endorsements). And you have a total of eight career home runs and 70 RBIs in five years. Yeah buddy, you won.

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5. AMANDA BEARD (SWIMMING) AND CARL EDWARDS (RACING)
CURRENT STATUS: Broke up in 2006.
OVERALL: These two were only together for a little while but with Beard’s seven gold medals and Edwards’ 40 Nascar wins they could have been one of the most successful athlete couples of all time. Oh well, we’ll still practice our breast stroke to AB’s Playboy pictorial.

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4. ANDRE AGASSI (TENNIS) AND STEFFI GRAF (TENNIS)
CURRENT STATUS: Married since 2001.
OVERALL: This couple has combined for over 150 titles in their sport and over 30 Grand Slams. If you take Graf’s 22 grand slams x Agassi’s eight, their son and daughter should combine for something like 170. If Agassi lays off the crank that is.

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3. MALIA JONES (SURFER) AND LUKE STEDMAN (SURFER)
CURRENT STATUS: Married since 2007
OVERALL: As we mentioned last week, we wouldn’t mind having Malia ride our long board, but she’s been wife’d up to fellow surfer Luke Stedman for a couple years now.

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2. ANNA KOURNIKOVA (TENNIS) AND SERGEI FEDOROV (HOCKEY)
CURRENT STATUS: “Divorced” in 2003.
OVERALL: These two haven’t been current in a minute, but one look at Kournikova is a good enough excuse to squeeze this couple on the list. Sergei says they were married in 2001, but Kournikova says vows were never exchanged. Though as long as other things were exchanged, we’re sure he has fond memories.

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1. GABRIELLE REECE (VOLLEYBALL) AND LAIRD HAMILTON (SURFING)
CURRENT STATUS: Married since 1997.
OVERALL: If you win the Beach Volleyball World Championship, like Reece, you have to be hot. Being featured in Playboy just reassures it. Hamilton’s one of the baddest dudes on the planet. Which probably explains why he gets to see all of Reece’s pieces.

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Interview: Trainer Freddie Roach Talks Pacquiao vs. Cotto

intern — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 19:25:43 +0000

Manny Pacquiao and trainer Freddie Roach (right).

Freddie Roach is the man behind the arguable pound for pound king in boxing, Manny Pacquiao. As the “Fighting Pride of the Philippines’s” legendary status has grown, Roach has become the most widely known and respected trainer of this generation. It’s a long way for the former boxer who said he started his Wild Card Boxing club in Los Angeles with $10,000 back in 1994.

Since then Roach has trained Oscar De La Hoya, Mike Tyson, Bernard Hopkins, and even actor Mickey Rourke in the early ’90s when he took a break from the big screen. Roach prepares Pacquiao for his welterweight title bout with Miguel Cotto Live on HBO Pay-Per-View this Saturday, and a victory for his fighter would give Manny titles in an unmatched seven different weight divisions. Roach took a break from training to speak with Complex about why Manny is the best boxer of this generation, his prediction on Saturday’s fight, and whether he thinks a super fight with Floyd Mayweather in 2010 is realistic.

Interview By Ralph Warner

Complex: After nine years of working together, how would you say your relationship with Manny has changed?

Freddie Roach: Well it used to be that I was the teacher and he was the student. But things have changed, and he knows enough about boxing now. For example, when I show him a move now he’ll help me with it and find his most comfortable way of using it. We work it out together now. He’s learned the game of boxing quite well. I love it when he does that too, because when I show him the move and if I have to force it, he’ll really never do it. But if he makes the adjustment and we come up with the perfect way to do it where he’s comfortable with it, I know he’s going to use it and it will work very well.

Complex: What separates him from every other champion boxer of this generation?

FR: His dedication and work ethic is unbelievable. Most champions get satisfied and lazy or are content with themselves. Pacquiao wants to improve all the time. He’s still getting better. He’s like a throwback to me, he’d be great in any era of course. His work ethic is just unbelievable. He’ll go 16 rounds straight through, he won’t take a rest period, he just works right through it. He’s a machine.

Complex: With the natural disasters in the Philippines a few months ago, how concerned were you that training over there would be too much of a distraction for Manny?

FR: We didn’t have any distractions in the Philippines. There was a lot of death around us and sadness of course, but once we got in the gym we separate the outside life with the gym. We never missed a day in the gym, we never missed a day of running. The Philippines was a great train for Pacquiao, actually. Then we went to Manila for a couple days because another typhoon was coming. He ended up boxing in a ring that was 12 by 12 [feet] because it was the only one available. It worked well though for the sparring.

Complex: What’s your biggest concern with Cotto?

FR: We know he’s changed. We know he’s good on the ropes; we know he’s got a great left hook. We know how to stay away from the left hook and we know how to stay off the ropes. Those are my concerns and we got them covered.

Complex: What do you think Manny’s biggest advantage will be?

FR: Speed. Cotto is very, very slow. He’s got slower since the Margarito fight and his defense is very poor. We’re going to take advantage of him.

Complex: How did you approach the training for this fight with Cotto differently than the last fight with Ricky Hatton?

FR: This camp was more like the De La Hoya camp because they both lead with their power hand. Cotto’s left handed, so we had to stay away from that trap more than in the Hatton fight. Whatever he brings, we’re ready.

Complex: How many rounds do you think the fight will go?

FR: Nine or 10.

Complex: So Pacquiao by knockout in round nine or 10?

FR: Yes.

Since meeting in 2001, Roach has led Pacquiao to a record of 17 wins, one loss, and two draws.

Complex: Moving on to Mayweather. Do you believe a Pacquiao vs. Mayweather fight can happen in 2010, when they’re both still at the height of their careers?

FR: I hope so. But that depends on the negotiations for the fight. I think the only way that fight will happen is if it’s a 50/50 spilt. Hopefully it will because I think it’s the best fight out there.

Complex: Being that Mayweather is undefeated, what do you feel is different about Pacquiao that could separate him from other boxers Mayweather’s faced?

FR: [Manny] was just a one-handed fighter [when he lost to Erik Morales in 2005], trying to look for a knockout, now he’s a much more clever fighter. He has a whole new game plan and knows how to stick to it. He’s a much better boxer than he was then and that’s why he’s been so successful at the higher weight divisions because of his boxing ability.

Complex: In the event that you can’t agree to a fight with Mayweather, who’s the next best boxer out there that you would like to see Manny face?

FR: I want him to fight [Juan Manuel] Marquez [with whom Pacquiao had a controversial split decision last year] because I want to shut him up once and for all. That’s who we want.

Complex: As Manny has moved up in weight throughout his career, what have the two of you worked on to ensure he’s kept up his speed and power?

FR: Nothing. He just is natural. Just 100 percent natural.

Complex: What do you think has been the key to the welterweight division carrying the sport of boxing for most of this decade?

FR: It’s a popular division because most Americans are about fast fights. You get guys with speed and power both in this division. Sometimes little guys don’t punch that hard, and some of the big guys don’t box that well. So the welterweight division will always be a great division because they can punch, they can box, and make better moves. It’s the great way that they have power and boxing ability.

Complex: What do you think other weight divisions like heavyweight have to do in order to capture mainstream attention again?

FR: They need someone out there who can liven up the sport in the heavyweight division. But yeah, I’m sure there’s someone out there.

Complex: With the rise of MMA over the last few years, some are saying it’s taking away fans from boxing. Do you see this as being true?

FR: I think a good fight is a good fight whether it’s MMA or boxing. Just like how a boring fight is a boring fight. I don’t understand it that well, but I don’t have anything against MMA, there’s enough room for everybody.

VIDEO: Roach talks about Manny’s second greatest love on HBO’s 24/7

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When Female Athletes Attack: The Most Gangsta Lady Jocks

intern — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:37:25 +0000

We were highly, highly amused at the over-aggressive antics of New Mexico soccer player Elizabeth Lambert in her match last weekend. Oh female athletes, you’re just like the guys. *Pats heads of female athletes patronizingly*
But then we caught wind of an all-female soccer brawl in Rhode Island earlier this week. What the bloodclot? Maybe we haven’t been watching lady jocks—we mean other than these—closely enough. So, we went back into the archives to find the gulliest chicks in sports from years past. See below for some seriously brolic bee-yotches…

WNBA BRAWL: DETROIT VS. L.A.
WHO: Plenette Pierson & Candace Parker, basketball players
WHAT HAPPENED: Detroit’s Pierson gets hit in the chest by L.A.’s Parker in one of the most memorable moments in WNBA history. Wow, that’s saying a lot.

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MARY DECKER HAS A NICE TRIP
WHO: Zola Budd, South African runner
WHAT HAPPENED: During the 3000-meter race in the 1984 Olympics, Zola Budd clipped Mary Decker, leaving her rival down and out with an injured hip. Accidental? Only Budd knows for sure, but she gets gangsta cred for running barefoot. WTF!?!?!

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NANCY KERRIGAN GETS CLUBBED
WHO: Tonya Harding, figure skater
WHAT HAPPENED: In one of the most brazen acts in sports history, Tonya Harding hires a goonie to whack Kerrigan in the knee with a crowbar. Ouch! We’d rather be forced to watch Tonya’s sex tape…uh, actually, go ahead and hit us on the knee.

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WATER POLO GIRL FIGHT
WHO: Elise Windes, U.S.A. water polo
WHAT HAPPENED: Words of wisdom to water polo ladies worldwide: Don’t fuck with Elise.

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COMPTON MEETS THE U.S. OPEN
WHO: Serena Williams, tennis player
WHAT HAPPENED: Fuck the uproar, we want to see Serena like this more often. Shoving balls down throats? Oh my!

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DANICA EATS TOWEL
WHO: Milka Duno, Venezuelan driver
WHAT HAPPENED: When Duno hits the white girl with a dose of that Latina sass, Danica has no response. We see shit like this on the A train every day, people.

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GOSSIP GIRLS GET GULLY
WHO: Serena and Blair, field hockey players
WHAT HAPPENED: Can you two just kiss and make up already? SERIOUSLY. Kiss and make up!

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Lighten Up! A History of Sammy Sosa’s Biggest Fails

intern — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 21:41:03 +0000

Retired slugger Sammy Sosa can’t win. First, he gets shown up by Mark McGwire in the infamous home run race of 1998, and now he misses making it onto our 100 Best Sports Moments of the Decade list because he pulled off his “enlightening” Michael Jackson impersonation a few days too late.

Last week, Slammin’ Sammy showed up to an event in Las Vegas for the 2009 Latin Grammy Awards looking paler than a ghost, like he’d just seen himself in the mirror and gotten scared by how light skinned he was (real chicken-and-egg shit). While we all wondered if he was on some throwback self-hatred or maybe just a really big fan of the Twilight franchise, Sammy’s reps claimed that his new Caucasian complexion was a side effect from skin rejuvenation treatment—which is ironic, considering that it looks like the life has drained out of his face. Whatever the case is, it’s a losing look, so we decided to bring you a history of Sosa’s biggest fails…

THE SOSA JHERI CURL
DATE: June 16, 1989
SOSA FAIL: Sosa burst onto the big league scene sportin’ the oh-so-silky-smooth Jheri curl. He switched it up as his career went on, but as you can see from this photo, Sammy still loves the relaxer. If he were any more relaxed his hair would be snoring.

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2ND BEST JUICER
DATE: September 8, 1998
SOSA FAIL: In the home run record chase of 1998, Mark McGwire broke Roger Maris’ single-season home run record by hitting number 62 in a game against Sosa’s Cubs. Sammy hit his 58th of the season earlier that game and finished the year with 65 dingers to Big Mac’s 70. Obviously they were both juicing, one just did it better. Second place is the first loser, Sammy, especially when your testicles are just as shriveled.

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CORKED BAT
DATE:June 3, 2003
SOSA FAIL: In a game vs. the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, Sosa was ejected from the game in the first inning when his bat broke and umpires discovered his bat was corked. Afterward he was suspended for eight games. Guess he was afraid his steroid use would be exposed if he played small ball.

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SNEEZE SENDS SOSA TO DL
DATE: May 2004
SOSA FAIL: During pre-game interviews with reporters before playing against the San Diego Padres, Sosa sneezed so violently that he injured his back. He was later placed on the disabled list with back spasms. All we can say is, at least he didn’t pull something while trying to dome himself out. That would be a very foul ball.

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NO HABLA INGLES
DATE: March 17, 2005
SOSA FAIL: In the MLB Congressional steroid hearings, Sosa had his attorney testify on his behalf because—after 20 years of being in the States and countless interviews—he suddenly couldn’t speak English as well as the Taco Bell Dog. FOH.

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BONUS: HIGH HEAT 2001 COMMERCIAL
DATE: March 8, 2000
SOSA FAIL: In this commercial for 3DO’s PC Game High Heat Major League Baseball 2001, Sammy claims “It’s soo reeeaaall!” Too bad that shit looked like something that should have come out on Atari.

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Best of the 2000’s: The Top 10 Sports Teams

intern — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 23:30:39 +0000

This week we brought you the Top 100 Sports Moments and Top 10 Hottest Female Athletes of the decade. But we all know there ain’t no “I” in team, and it takes a whole squad to get to the glory—word to the cast of Bukkake for Kitty—so we’re back to finish off the week with our Top 10 Teams of the Aughts.

Now we’re not looking for those who won championships but were boring as hell (we see you San Antonio Spurs, we just wish we didn’t have to watch). Instead, we listed the teams that mixed a little excitement with their excellence. We’re sure you have your own list, but you’re reading ours, so without further Freddy Adu…

10. 2004 USC Trojan Football Team
KEY PLAYERS: Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush, LenDale White
WHY THEY MADE IT: For much of the decade the Trojans just took away the manhood of other so-called Division I football teams. But in 2004, the dominance got ugly. While defending their split ‘03 national title, the Trojans went on to have an undefeated season, including a 55-19 win over the undefeated Oklahoma Sooners in the BCS Championship game. Then Leinart, Bush and co. took pay cuts to go play in the NFL.

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9. 2008 Tampa Bay Rays
KEY PLAYERS: B.J. Upton, Scott Kazmir, Evan Longoria, David Price
WHY THEY MADE IT: The Rays’ ‘08 payroll of $43 million ranked 29th out of 30 teams, but that didn’t stop them from showing the Yankees ($209 million) and Red Sox ($138 million) that buckets of money and ‘roids can’t buy division titles or league championships every year. Of course the Yanks and Sox got back in the playoffs this year, so buckets of money and ‘roids do work more often than not.

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8. 2006 Phoenix Suns
KEY PLAYERS: Steve Nash, Amar’e Stoudemire, Shawn Marion
WHY THEY MADE IT: Two-time MVP point guard Steve Nash came over from Dallas to lead the best run-and-gun offense in the league to nearly 109 points per game that season. Adding a goon like Raja Bell who was willing to take out the league’s golden child while up by 14 in the last quarter of a playoff game didn’t hurt either. They got bounced from the postseason themselves, but simply put, the ‘06 Suns = entertainment.

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7. 2008 Detroit Lions
KEY PLAYERS: Everyone, especially GM Matt Millen
WHY THEY MADE IT: Losing every game in the season isn’t really something to be looked down upon—somebody wins the Super Bowl every year, but winless teams are rarer than…well almost as rare as Lions wins in ‘08. If you ever felt bad about your team getting killed all you had to do was watch the Lions to get a bit of solace—unless you were a Lions fan, in which case: WHY?!?

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6. 2001 Miami Hurricanes Football Team
KEY PLAYERS: Clinton Portis, Ed Reed, Andre Johnson, Ken Dorsey, Jeremy Shockey
WHY THEY MADE IT: Doubt the ‘01 ‘Canes were the greatest college football team of all time? Check the stats: They featured three different players who would go on to make NFL Pro Bowl teams—at one position (running backs Clinton Portis, Willis McGahee, and Frank Gore). Their average score at home was 51-3. And if not for BCS BS and a historically awful pass interference call, they would’ve won three chips. The Lions prolly could’ve won a game in ‘08 with this squad’s second string.

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5. 2008 FC Barcelona
KEY PLAYERS: Lionel Messi, Samuel Eto’o, Thierry Henry
WHY THEY MADE IT: Barça completed the first Treble in Spanish league football history by winning the La Liga Cup, Spanish Cup, and UEFA Champions League Cup. You can call it the Treble or “making-every-other-football-club-your-personal-whipping-boys.”

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4. 2007 New England Patriots
KEY PLAYERS: Tom Brady, Randy Moss
WHY THEY MADE IT: Spying on the other team and running up scores to go 16-0? Yeah, sounds like the 2007 Patriots to us. Too bad a late Super Bowl pass from Eli Manning to an unknown wide receiver had to end it all. Karma is a mother.

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3. 2003-04 Arsenal “The Invincibles”
KEY PLAYERS: Thierry Henry, Robert Pires, Dennis Bergkamp
WHY THEY MADE IT: It’s not just that the Gunners became the first top-division English club in 115 years to go unbeaten for an entire league season—it’s the brilliant attacking style in which they accomplished the feat. For those that insist soccer is boring, have a look at that year’s highlights DVD. “The Invincibles” were one of the most entertaining teams to watch in any sport.

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2. 2008 U.S.A Olympic Basketball Team “The Redeem Team”
KEY PLAYERS: Coach K, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Garnett, Dwyane Wade, Carmelo Anthony, Chris Paul
WHY THEY MADE IT: After settling for bronze at the 2004 Games, Team U.S.A pulled out all the stops to ensure the gold would return to the basketball Mecca, with Coach K getting NBA All-Stars to check their egos for the good of the squad. We still think it’s a damn shame A.I. didn’t make the cut though.

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1. 2004 Boston Red Sox
KEY PLAYERS: Curt Schilling, Manny Ramirez, David Ortiz, Johnny Damon, Jayson Varitek
WHY THEY MADE IT: After 86 years without a title, the Red Sox survived getting hit by a girl to break the Curse of the Bambino. Although they get enshrined in the Lame A-holes Hall of Fame for popularizing the phrase “cowboy up.”

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Bald Spot-Light: 5 NBA Players Who Need To Cut Their Hair

justinm — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 20:10:32 +0000

Manu Ginobili may be a winner, but he’s losing his hair.

Had we not just finished Complex’s 100 Best Sports Moments of the 2000s (click here if you missed it), we definitely would have included the historic moment when San Antonio Spurs guard Manu “Batman” Ginobili finally acknowledged that he’s been playing with a bald spot for several seasons and cropped it close. Yes, men discussing other men’s hair is precious, but in the NBA a badass ‘do is vital to intimidating opponents, and guys who look like balding old men get no respect. Years back, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Clyde Drexler, and Karl Malone all learned this and shaved their heads. Now Ginobili is setting the example for a new generation. Here are five current players we bald-spotted who should follow his lead…

DERON WILLIAMS, UTAH JAZZ
• D-Will is a great young point guard who sees the holes in defenses but apparently he can’t see the space opening up on his head.

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JOEY DORSEY, HOUSTON ROCKETS
• He’s since cut the rows and we’re still seeing a lot of scalp. That’s how a hairline races back on D.

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CHRIS KAMAN, LOS ANGELES CLIPPERS
• Of all teams, he plays for the Clippers. At least the irony’s thick.

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MICHAEL REDD, MILWAUKEE BUCKS
• Unfadeable? Not so much. He’d better buy a straight razor before somebody takes it hard to that hole.

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RIP HAMILTON, DETROIT PISTONS
• You won’t get any “his teammate Charlie Villanueva has a fuller head of hair than he does” jokes from us. Dude has alopecia universalis, and that would just be wrong.

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****COACH/GM BONUS:

MIKE DUNLEAVY, LOS ANGELES CLIPPERS
• Adidas outfits the NBA. Perhaps it’s also endorsing him to comb those three strands back?

Complex Presents: The 100 Best Sports Moments of the 2000’s

jerwin — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:42:08 +0000

It’s November, and you know what that means, right? ~~Probably time to get that August rent check in the mail.~~ Only two months left in the first decade of the 21st Century! Kinda crazy, innit?!? We’ve spent the past few weeks counting down all our favorite things from the past ten years with our 200 proof Top 100 Lists: Top 100 T-Shirts | Top 100 Girls | Top 100 Albums | Top 100 Sneakers | Top 100 Movies | Top 100 Internet Videos | Top 100 Video Games. | Top 100 TV Shows. Next up? The 100 Best Sports Moments!

Now what, you ask, does Complex know about sports? Quite a bit it turns out. We know some dude named Lance won some bike races this decade; we know we’ve finally got a president that can hoop; we know some dimpled quarterback won a few Super Bowls. But those aren’t really the moments we’re interested in. Instead of the plays that make you say “Wow, that’s inspiring!” we’re more for the ones that make you say “Holy mother of man, that’s disgusting!” Hey, we’re a little off, what can we say? So if you’re at all like us, you won’t avert your eyes as we present the 100 Best Sports Moments of the 2000’s.

• CLICK HERE TO SEE THE TOP 100 SPORTS MOMENTS OF THE DECADE!

Fall Classic: Complex’s 2009 World Series Preview

intern — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 21:50:29 +0000

Sure, tonight’s got the first games of the NBA season, but for the first time in a long while we’ve actually got baseball on our minds here in late October. After ~~enduring~~ ignoring thrilling World Series matchups like Philadelphia-Tampa Bay and Houston-Chicago the last few years, it looks like baseball has a matchup for the ages on its hands with the Yankees-Phillies tilt that’s set to start tomorrow night.

Of course the sports talking heads are chattering away about this could-be classic of a Series, but we know you don’t come to Complex to talk about who hits better when they’re behind in the count. You’d rather know who’s fans fight better in the stands, and who’s pitching coach is more likely to spark a j in the dugout, right? We thought so, and made sure to include both in our Ultimate Guide to the 2009 World Series.

FANS: The Yankees and Phillies fans are both notorious for different reasons. Yankees fans have an arrogance that makes Kanye look humble, while Phillies fans hate everyone including Santa. NY may have the glitz of stars like Kate Hudson and Jay-Z at home games but Phillies fans just go harder. Pause. Advantage: Phillies

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CREAM: With a payroll over $200 million for most of this decade, the Yankees always have an endless amount of stacks on deck. The Phillies payroll totaled $111 million this year so they aren’t hurting either. But the Yankees treat all-star free agents like old men treat strippers when their social security checks come in—they can have whatever they like.Advantage: Yankees

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COACHING: The Yanks are skippered by former player Joe Girardi, who used to be loose (he got fired from his last gig for cussing out the team’s owner in public), but now he’s got so many Steinbrenners and New York media up his ass he’s got to take 15 walks to the pitcher’s mound every game just so he can shit straight. The Phills on the other hand have laid back country boy Charlie Manuel (not to mention a pitching coach named Rich Dubee). Advantage: Phillies

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ON THE FIELD: The Phillies are defending world champs who finished finished up their NLCS in 5 games. The Yankees have home field advantage and arguably the best pitcher and hitter of the post season with C.C. Sabathia and Alex Rodriguez. However the Phillies did take two out of three in their interleague series back in May. Advantage: Even

PREDICTION: This one has all the makings of a true Fall Classic. With nearly a decade’s worth of frustration to work off (not to mention a superior bullpen), we’ve got to go with the Yankees in 7.

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Blind Fury: The 5 Worst Umpire Calls In MLB Playoff History

intern — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 16:18:49 +0000

Anyone who’s been following this year’s MLB playoffs can see that the umpires are either on their Tim Donaghy steez or in serious need of a visit to an optometrist. Umpire Tim McClelland’s blown call at third (see the picture above and video at the bottom) in Game 4 of the ALCS was just the latest in a series of gaffes that have many baseball fans clamoring for instant replay (and just hope that one of those calls doesn’t go against the Yankees, else that clamoring’s gonna turn into a full bore apoplectic fit).

However, it isn’t just this year that the umps have been watching different games than everyone else. Turns out the Stevie Wonder swagger jackers have been at it for decades, as you’ll see with our list of the 5 biggest blown calls in MLB playoff history…

#5: ERIC GREGG’S ENDLESS STRIKE ZONE
• Those Involved: Livan Hernandez (Florida Marlins), umpire Eric Gregg, Fred McGriff (Atlanta Braves).
• When: 1997 NLCS Game 5
• The Call: Eric Gregg had been calling a wide strike zone all game so it really wasn’t that much of a surprise when he called Fred McGriff out on the final pitch on a ball that was at least a foot outside of the average strike zone. The Marlins went on to win the series in six. Overweight and hungry umpire + Miami’s sweltering heat = pitcher’s paradise.

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#4: ED ARMBRISTER RUNS INTO CARLTON FISK
• Those Involved: Carlton Fisk (Boston Red Sox), Ed Armbrister (Cincinnati Reds) umpire Larry Barnett.
• When: 1975 World Series Game 3
• The Call: After attempting a sacrifice bunt, Armbrister collided with Fisk at the plate, causing Fisk to make a throwing error. Umpire Barnett failed to make the interference call and the Reds went on to win the game 4-3, and the Series in 7. Barnett and Bill Buckner are the reasons why every Boston fan who died before October 2004 went to their grave without ever seeing the Sox win it all.

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#3: RON GRANT WRESTLED OFF 1ST
• Those Involved: Ron Gant (Atlanta Braves) and Kent Hrbek (Minnesota Twins) and umpire Drew Coble.
• When: 1991 World Series Game 1
• The Call: After a single, Gant rounds toward second but heads back, and that’s when Twins’ pitcher Kevin Tapani throws back to first. Twins’ first baseman Kent Hrbek then wrestled Gant off first to get the out call. In what ended up being a seven game series where five games were decided by one run, the players didn’t need a WWF SummerSlam intro.

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Jeffrey Maier saves the day

Larry | MySpace Video

#2: JEFFREY MAIER CATCH
• Those Involved: Fan Jeffrey Maier, right fielder Tony Tarasco (Baltimore Orioles) and umpire Rich Garcia
• When: 1996 ALCS, Game 1
• The Call: With the Orioles leading 4-3 in the eighth, 12-year old fan Jeffrey Maier reaches over the right field wall to turn what would be an out, into the game tying home run for some Yankee rookie named Derek Jeter. You know the rest: New York won in extra innings and went on to win the World series that year, with ~~‘Roids and an endless bank roll~~ Maeir’s catch jumpstarting the Yankees dynasty that decade. Don’t worry Oriole fans, your city can still claim The Wire and better crabs than NYC.

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#1: DON DENKINGER’S SAFE CALL
• Those Involved: Jorge Orta (Kansas City Royals) Todd Worrell (St. Louis Cardinals) and umpire Don Denkinger
• When: 1985 World Series Game 6
• The Call: With the Cardinals only three outs away from a World Series title, Don Denkinger calls Orta safe at first on a routine ground ball where he was clearly out. Royals went on to rally and score two runs and to win the game and eventually the series. Cardinals’ fans subsequently sacrificed Denkinger’s first-born as equal retribution for the blown call. Maybe not, but Denkinger did say he received death threats for years to come.

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BONUS: WHO’S ON 3RD?
• Those Involved: Jorge Posada and Robinson Cano (New York Yankees), Mike Napoli (Anaheim Angels) and umpire Tim McClelland
• When: 2009 ALCS Game 4
• The Call: Posada caught in a rundown heads back to third, Cano advances on the fielders choice and runs from second to third, only problem neither of them ever touches base and Napoli tags both out. When it comes to baserunners, McClelland obviously takes after Ray Charles. He don’t see nobody!

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The All-Limbaugh Team: Rush’s White Squad That Could’ve Been

intern — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 16:31:10 +0000

In case you haven’t heard, conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh’s bid to buy an NFL team ended Wednesday night when he was dropped from a group of investors looking to purchase the St. Louis Rams. It seems that some of the Rush-ster’s past comments (including that the media hyped Donovan McNabb because it was “desirous in a black quarterback doing well,” and describing the NFL as “a game between the Bloods and Crips without any weapons”) didn’t sit well with a few folks, namely commissioner Roger Goodell, and the NFL Player’s Union’s 70% black membership.

The sad thing about Rush’s rejection? He could’ve fielded a team of guys just like him. No, not evil drug addicts, white dudes! Sure, they might not be the best 22 guys on the field, but at least Rush wouldn’t have to worry about them getting big heads because the media was desirous that they do well. Since Rush seems to view everything through the prism of race, we’d thought we’d help him out with the Coulda Woulda ~~Shoulda~~ All-White Limbaugh Team…

Matt Hasselbeck | QB
The Seahawks’ three-time Pro Bowl QB is the brother-in-law of conservative View commentator Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who’s regularly sparred with Whoopi Goldberg and Rosie O’Donnell on her show. The only way Matt could be more appealing to Rush is if he was one of those magical jumping quarterbacks that shit oxycodone.

Brian Leonard | RB
Congrats son, you made the team! Although he’s only rushed for 11 yards this season, BL would fit perfectly on Rush’s All-White squad…because we can’t seem to find another white running back in the league.

David Diehl | T
Diehl has a Croatian coat of arms tattoed on his arm. No black folk in Croatia, far as we know.

Jake Long | T
Jake survived a fire in his dormitory during his sophomore year in college, which, in Rush’s world, could’ve been started by members of Acorn.

Chris Cooley | TE
Famously posted a picture of his dick on his blog, but Rush has been wanting to brag about the “Cooley on my team” for years, so he’s in.

Brandon Stokley | WR
Just 5′11″ and 192 lbs., Brandon is all heart…and all white.

Wes Welker | WR
Once fined 10k for making a snow angel in the ground after a touchdown, so he’s a veteran of the war against Christian-hating PC effetes.

Alan Faneca | C
Diagnosed with epilepsy, so, like Rush, he has trouble controlling his tongue.

Chris Snee | G
He knocked up his head coach’s daughter—twice. Rush has no daughters, but we’d gladly knock them up if he did.

Jim Leonhard | DB
Jim’s from Ladysmith, Wisconsin, which, much to our non-surprise, is 96% white.

Nick Sorensen | DB
A perfect fit: Nick was once accused of grabbing Pacman Jones’ junk; Rush can’t seem to ever get his hands on enough of the stuff.

Reed Doughty | DB
Being severely hearing impaired is a good thing—plausible deniability is a must when you’re on Team Rush.

Sabby Piscitelli | DB
Although he redshirted during college, Sabby assures Rush he was only “experimenting” with Communism.

Kyle Vanden Bosch | DE
From Larchwood, Iowa, which is, amazingly, even whiter than Ladysmith, Wisconsin.

Jared Allen | DE
A strong McCain supporter because he didn’t want Obama raising taxes on his bread.

Kroy Biermann | DT
Kroy strated off the 2009 season by sacking Chad Pennington twice, but Rush can forgive the white-on-white crime (provided he goes hard after that “McNabb feller”).

Kyle Williams | DT
Two years ago he was undrafted, unemployed and living with his in-laws. Sounds whitebread redneck to us!

Eric Weddle | FS
EW was a special education major in college, so he can serve as chief babysitter for Palin 2012. [ed. note: Yes, we're going to hell, but so's Rush, so whatevs.]

A.J. Hawk | LB
What do you get when you mix George W. Bush supporter Kid Rock and someone that looks like Chris Farley? A.J. Hawk!

Brian Cushing | LB
2008 college All-American. Which for Rush means he got in just before it became “Obama’s America.”

Keith Brooking | LB
This guy started a foundation to help foster children—don’t tell Rush he’s actually a good person or he’ll get cut!

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Batter Up! Complex’s 2009 League Championship Series Preview

intern — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 20:27:29 +0000

As promised last week, we’re back to bring you more Complex predictions for the 2009 MLB playoffs, just in time for the NLCS which starts at tonight with the Dodgers vs. Phillies (the Yankees and Angels start their tilt tomorrow).

Once again we’re taking the unconventional route with our predictions, basing them on the vital but often over-looked details, such as city life and intangibles like celebrity fan match-ups (Alyssa Milano vs. the Philly Fanatic). Let the statheads rattle their Sabre(metric)s about stuff like WHIP and which catcher is the best at blocking sliders in the dirt (ayo!); we went 3-4 in our first round predictions, so we’re sticking to our guns. Read on for our extensive analysis and check back in a couple weeks for our World Series preview…

MATCHUP: Yankees vs. Angels

ON THE FIELD: The Yankees-Angels series went 5-5 this season, however, the Angels remain the only American League team with a winning record over the Yankees this decade (50-41), and have made the Yankees their bitches a few times in the playoffs already (2002, 2005). Advantage: Angels

CITY LIFE: New York is known as the city that never sleeps, and although the Angels tried to gain some more recognition by adding “Los Angeles” to their team name in 2005, they still play in Anaheim. Which means all the city really has is 45 Carl’s Jr.s, three Benihana’s, and Disneyland. Advantage: Yankees

INTANGIBLES: New stadium, same mystique. The Yankees christened the old Yankee Stadium in 1923 with a championship, with the way things are going what makes you think this year will be any different? Advantage: Yankees

PREDICTION: Yanks have the better night life and same old mystique. Yeah the on the field stuff matters too, but they only lost that slightly…Yankees in 7.
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MATCHUP: Dodgers vs. Phillies

ON THE FIELD: The Dodgers have home field advantage and won the season series vs. the Phillies 4-3. However, Philadelphia had the best NL road record this season and beat the Dodgers in five while on the road in last year’s NLCS.Advantage: Even.

CITY LIFE: Los Angeles is known for three things: hot women, warm weather and ~~hot, warm trannies that look like Jay Leno but are way funnier~~ celebrities. The City of Brotherly Love on the other hand…Rocky and cheese steaks? Advantage: Dodgers

INTANGIBLES: As with any sport, fans are the always the extra man on the field, so who you gain support from matters. The Dodgers have celeb fans like Alyssa Milano, the Phillies have…the Philly Fanatic??? Advantage: Dodgers

PREDICTION: The Phillies have the slight on the field advantage but home field + seeing Alyssa Milano at each home game = Dodgers in 6.
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Commitment to Failure: The Raiders’ Most Embarrassing Moments

intern — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 21:02:24 +0000

As the NFL finishes week 5 of action, the league has had its share of embarrassing teams (word to last year’s 0-16 Lions). The Rams, Titans, Panthers, and others are all sucking out loud right now, but no team has even come close to the on-and off-field fuckery of the Oakland Raiders. Since 2002, the pitiful squad has set a record for most consecutive seasons with 11 losses or more. Not bad for a crew whose official motto is “Commitment to Excellence”—and with yesterday’s 44-7 loss to the Giants, it looks like the Raiders plan on continuing the bullshit for a while.

From owner-vs.-coach public feuds to teammate assaults and intrastaff jawbreakers (no Wonka), the team itself boasts behavior far more self-ethering than their GWAR-tribute fanbase. Which is why we’ve taken a quick break from tallying JaMarcus Russell’s wobbliest pass attempts to compile our list of the most embarrassing Raider moments of the decade. Enjoy!

THE TUCK RULE GAME
WHEN: JANUARY 19, 2002 (AFC Playoff Game)
• The Raiders fall victim to the bullshit rule that no one’s ever heard of or been able to justify. Even the refs have gotten in on the sonning!

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BILL ROMANOWSKI KNOCKS OUT TEAMMATE DURING PRACTICE
WHEN: 2003
• Marcus Williams received $340K from Romo-Cop for breaking his eye socket and ending his career. ~~Steroids~~ totally legitimate medical treatments are a hell of a drug.

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ART SHELL HIRES TOM WALSH AS OFFENSIVE COACH
WHEN: FEBRUARY 2006
• Hire a bed-and-breakfast operator as offensive coordinator? Yeah, sounds like something the Raiders would do. Walsh was demoted before the end of the season as the Raiders went 2-14. At least homie was qualified to clean up after he shit the bed.

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DRAFTING JAMARCUS RUSSELL
WHEN: 2007 NFL DRAFT
• As Russell’s QB rating starts looking more like his age, we have to wonder WTF the Raiders were thinking giving this guy $68 million, with $31 million guaranteed. Crabtree, you got PWN3D.

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AL DAVIS AIRING OUT LANE KIFFIN
WHEN: SEPTEMBER 30 2008
• In this bizarre press conference, a Cryptkeeper-lookin’-ass Al Davis flat out calls his recently fired coach a liar and lays out all the salacious details of the firing. Is this pro football or Days of our Lives?

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DAVID FAUSTINO REPS THE SILVER AND BLACK
WHEN: ONLINE DEBUT, MARCH 2009
• From the set of Married with Children straight to the hood, Grandmaster B knew that donning the Raider cap in this video (which resurfaced online this year) would gain him the street cred he longed for. Which is a touch more than Brian Austin Green, but not quite as much as Corin Nemec.

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BONUS: BROKEN JAW INCIDENT
WHEN: AUGUST 5, 2009
• According to former Raiders assistant and alleged assault victim Randy Hanson, head coach Tom Cable yelled “I’ll fucking kill you!” as he slammed Hanson into furniture, breaking his jaw. Damn, if only Cable’s players could bring that kind of intensity…on the field…and not directed at each other…there might be a dub in their future!

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Hammertime! MC Hammer’s Greatest Sports Moments

justinm — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 16:54:15 +0000

Hammer don’t hurt ‘em. He helps ‘em negotiate NFL contracts!

When it comes to smart financial management, the first person you think of is Stanley Kirk Burrell, a.k.a. MC Hammer, who blew a fortune with wild spending and a 300-person entourage. So it makes perfect sense that when San Francisco 49ers rookie wide receiver holdout Michael Crabtree and his agent Eugene Parker finally came to terms with the team four games into the NFL season, they did so with the Parker’s best pop rapper friend at their side. Can’t hammer out a contract without a Hammer, right?

As odd as it all seems, it’s not the first instance of the sports world experiencing Hammertime. Get a good stretch, throw on your genie pants and dancin’ shoes, and revisit Hammer’s most memorable sports moments…

HAMMER HOLDS THE WOOD
Year: 1980-81
Sports connection: An Oakland Athletics fan, young Hammer used to dance in the Oakland Coliseum parking lot for money in the ’70s. A’s team owner Charles O. Finley took a liking to him and made him the team’s batboy (and a clubhouse spy). Hall of Famer Reggie Jackson claims to have given him the nickname “Hammer” because he looked like Hammerin’ Hank Aaron (above right). See the resemblance? You do? What, so now all black people all look alike? Dick.

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HAMMER GOES LEGIT
Year: 1991
Sports connection: This 10-minute epic video for “Too Legit to Quit” features the Godfather of Soul James Brown sending dancing disciple Hammer out to do battle with the King of Pop Michael Jackson. It also has a plethora of athlete cameos from Jose Canseco, Isiah Thomas, Kirby Puckett, Jerry Rice, Ricky Henderson, Deion Sanders, Andre Rison, Chris Mullin, Roger Clemens, Ronnie Lott, Roger Craig, David Robinson, and even the Dallas Cowboys and Atlanta Falcons cheerleaders. We can only guess how many groupies were scored on during the filming of this classic.

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HAMMER HORSES AROUND
Year: 1991-1992
Sports connection: Like all little boys growing up in rough East Oakland, Hammer dreamed of racing Thoroughbred horses. So, when he got crazy paid, he opened the Oaktown Stable. He actually did well. Of his 19 racehorses, filly Lite Light won several Grade I stakes races, including the prestigious Kentucky Oaks, and his colt Dance Floor won the 1991 Grade II Kentucky Jockey Club Stakes, 1991 Breeders’ Futurity Stakes, and 1992 Fountain of Youth Stakes, and finished third in the 1992 Kentucky Derby. And you thought the only connection Hammer had to horses was his banana hammock in the “Pumps and a Bump” video!

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HAMMER BUILDS HIS FIELDS OF DREAMS
Year: 1992
Sports connection: Hammer, who eventually had to declare bankruptcy, spent millions of dollars to equip his $20 million mansion/compound in Fremont, California with indoor and outdoor swimming pools, tennis courts, basketball courts, a baseball diamond, and a bowling alley. Perhaps he was a little too enthusiastic about sports?

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HAMMER PLAYS WITH THE GREEN BAY PACKERS
Year: 1996
Sports connection: Hammer played Ranger in Reggie’s Prayer, a schlocky sports drama starring legendary Green Bay Packers defensive end and Christian zealot Reggie White as a retired football player who becomes a high school coach and helps a troubled youth. Check out Packers QB Brett Favre and coach Mike Holmgren making painful cameos as father-son janitors. Tool legit.

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HAMMER IS READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL
Year: 2008
Sports connection: Hammer performed his new single “I Got Gigs” in this ESPN Monday Night Football spot. Hundreds of thousands of people tuned in to watch pigskin that. Four people bought Hammer’s latest album.

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HAMMER FLUSHES HIS FORTUNE DOWN THE SUPER BOWL
Year: 2009
Sports connection: Hammer and Ed McMahon, who’d both pissed away more money than we’ll ever dream of, killed in this Cash4gold.com commercial that aired during Super Bowl XLIII. Go for the gold—and mail it away in a plastic baggie for quick cash to keep the bank agents off your ass!

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Interview: Derrick Rose Talks NBA 2K10 & Playing Kanye

intern — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 20:48:36 +0000

We have to admit, we’re slightly jealous of you. NBA 2K10 dropped yesterday (as did NBA Live 10) and while most of you broke night playing it, we’re at work. But now it’s your turn to be jealous because while you sat at home enjoying your brand new 2K10 game (and your now weed plate 2K9 case), we were kicking it with 2K rep Derrick Rose of the Chicago Bulls. Rose is not a man of many words, but who needs words when you’re Rookie of the Year? His stats do all the talking.

Since we obviously couldn’t challenge his real-life game, we had to check his gamer credibility. We chatted Derrick up about NBA 2K10, his thoughts on the unlockable player Kanye West, and his team’s plans for next season. If you haven’t already purchased NBA 2K10, peep Derrick’s trailer after the jump. Oh and make sure you’ve got 60 bucks in your wallet, because yeah, it’s that good…

Interview by Andrew Rivera

Complex: Are you a big fan of the NBA 2K series?

Derrick Rose: Yeah, I’ve always been a fan, I’ve been playing it for a long time. That’s probably the only game I really play right now.

Complex: Did you have any particular favorite growing up?

Derrick Rose: No I didn’t really have any growing up. I had a lot of adventure games growing up, but I caught myself up on 2K games.

Complex: Since you’re on the Bulls, we’d guess you probably use them more now, but did you ever have a preferred team?

Derrick Rose: I actually don’t play with the Bulls, I play with the Lakers and I guess my fans play with the Bulls.

Complex: The draft feature is a big deal. Everyone is buzzing about making their own character and in a way raise it through the summer camps and D-Leagues. How close is the game to the real-life experience?

Derrick: Oh it’s real close. Its kind of like personal on the game. You actually do stuff that you really do in the combine. Really I didn’t have to do that much because I think that the top five or six players don’t really have to do that much but on the game you play against each other in scrimmage, work on your skills, and hopefully you’ll get drafted. On the game, if your player’s that good you can transfer him over to the 2K10 game.

Complex: Other than the draft, what would you say is your favorite aspect about 2K10?

Derrick Rose: I played it a little bit and I like my jump shot on there now.

Complex: Was there a problem with it? Did they not make it up to your standards?

Derrick Rose: Nah, it wasn’t great at all last year. [Laughs.] This year it’s following my style a little more so I’m happy about it.

Complex: Does it look better or does it play better?

Derrick Rose: Everything is better. Looks better, the play style is better, and the visual on there you can tell they really put some work on there. Like they made my jumper better but they changed my crossover a little bit more. They put some crossovers there that I did in the game and I like it. I go up in the hole, you can change your lay-ups a little bit more in the game. Pull up below the shoulders, you can do all that stuff in the game.

Complex: That’s cool. You had mentioned before that you don’t play with the Bulls, so what’s it like when you have to play against yourself in the game? Is that a conflict for you?

Derrick: Yeah, it is kind of hard. You want to see yourself be good but I still want to win the game. So if like somebody dunks on with me with myself I’m kind of mad about it, I’ll probably have to stop for a little bit. [Laughs.]

Complex: You use the Lakers, so how about when it’s you playing as Kobe and you have to dunk on yourself?

Derrick Rose: Its funny only because when I’m playing the game it’s amusing. [Laughs.] But you gotta know it’s just a video game. In real life I won’t ever jump early for the block.

Complex: There are some unlockable players in the game, including The Game, Wale, and Kanye West—rappers who all claim they play a fair amount of ball. How do you think a one-on-one game with you and Kanye West would go? In real life, would you just destroy him?

Derrick Rose: Yes! [Laughs.]

Complex: But he’s Kanye. His hometown is Chicago, the same town you play for. Can’t you take it easy on him?

Derrick: [Laughs] Nah, it doesn’t matter, it’s over. That’s not his field. That’s like my going into the booth and trying to write 16 bars to go against his.

Complex: So basically it’s a stay-in-your-lane thing?

Derrick Rose: Yes. Absolutely.

Complex: You were on the cover of Kicks magazine. Do you have any favorite kicks of all time?

Derrick Rose: Of all time? Nah, I don’t have any of all time. Adidas are putting some out right now that I like. I like all shell-toes and they really have some hot ones coming out that everyone is going to really enjoy I think. But other then that I don’t really mess with sneakers.

Complex: Who is the most famous celebrity that you’ve played NBA 2K10 or the previous 2K games against?

Derrick Rose: I’m about to play Kobe later on today actually.

Complex: What are your predictions?

Derrick Rose: I think I’m going to win. You know he has too much stuff going on right now. [Laughs.] Shit, he’s gotta worry about being the best in the NBA and all this other stuff. Me, I’ve only got to worry about the games. I’m only 20—I don’t got no chicks, he’s got a wife and all that stuff. So there’s way more stuff to worry about.

Complex: So isn’t it going to be awkward when you try and play him with the Lakers?

Derrick Rose: No, I’m going to go with the Bulls on this one but if I wasn’t, it would be the Lakers of course. I will dunk on him though, as me in the game.

Complex: [Laughs.] Good to know. So what else have you been doing before the NBA season starts?

Derrick Rose: Right now my biggest thing is to improve my all-around game. Gotta get back as quickly as possible to my team so we can get can start things early so we can try to jell quick. Our biggest thing as an organization right now is winning. If you don’t win, something’s wrong. Winning takes care of everything, so our biggest thing is winning.

VIDEO: NBA 2K10 Game Trailer

Play Ball! Complex’s 2009 MLB Playoff Preview

intern — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 19:03:24 +0000

Philadelphia Phillies, 2008 World Series Champs.
After 162 games (with a plus 1 last night), the MLB playoffs are finally here. Regular season records and accolades go out the window today when the Rockies, Phillies, Twins, Yankees, Cardinals, and Dodgers begin postseason play (the Red Sox and Angels kick off their series tomorrow night).

Other sport sites are gonna base their predictions on things like “injuries” and “statistics” and other so-called meaningful metrics. To which we at Complex say (like an ump to Bobby Cox): “F*#% outta here.” Instead, we’ve worked our predictions around the important things in baseball, the essentials like players’ wifeys and ‘roid usage. Read on for our in-depth forecast of this year’s playoff action (check back in a couple weeks for our League Championship Series and World Series breakdowns)…

MATCHUP: Yankees vs. Twins
WIVES AND GIRLFRIENDS: Derek Jeter’s rumored to be engaged to Minka Kelly from “Friday Night Lights” while A-Rod and Kate Hudson have been going strong for most of the season. No, Hollywood types for the Twinkies, but closer Joe Nathan’s wife, Lisa Nathan could touch ‘em all for us. Advantage: Yankees
GOT JUICE?: A-Rod got the hook up from his cousin in the Dominican Republic back in ’03; Andy Pettitte used the juice to “heal” when training with Roger Clemens back in ’02. The Twins are reportedly clean as a whistle, with good reason—you can’t even score bootleg Oxycontin in Minneapolis. Advantage: Yankees
ON THE FIELD: The Yankees have the best record in the MLB and home field advantage throughout the playoffs; the Twins won 17 of their last 21 games to come back and take the AL Central with a win over the Detroit Tigers in a one-game playoff last night. New York took the season series over Minnesota 7-0. Advantage: Yankees
PREDICTION: Yanks have the juice, home field, and better wifey game, while the Twins are probably still hung over from last night’s victory. We’re taking the Bronx Bombers in a sweep, 3-0
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MATCHUP: Red Sox vs. Angels
WIVES AND GIRLFRIENDS: Red Sox pitcher Clay Bucholz is reportedly engaged to former “Deal or No Deal” suitcase model and host of HDnet’s “Get Out,” Lindsay Clubine. Angels 2B Howie Kedrick’s wife, Jody Kendrick. Advantage: Red Sox, slightly
GOT JUICE?: David “Big Papi” Ortiz was revealed to be one of the 103 positive tests in MLB’s initial round of steroid screenings in 2003. Boston pitcher Paul Byrd is accused of spending nearly $25k on HGH and syringes from 2002 to 2005. (He later claimed it was for a tumor in his pituitary gland. Right, and we drink to “forget.” Oh wait…) In 2007 Angels outfielder Gary Matthews Jr. was named in the Mitchell Report, garnering him the nickname Gary Matthews Juicer. Advantage: Red Sox
ON THE FIELD: The Sox rank 4th in batting average and slugging percentage but 16th in team ERA. The Angels are ranked 1st in team batting average and have the best record in the league next to the Yankees. Advantage: Angels
PREDICTION: Close but the Angels have better hitting and pitching by far. Pitching wins championships. Angels win in 5.
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MATCHUP: Dodgers vs. Cardinals
WIVES AND GIRLFRIENDS: Russell Martin dated Alyssa Milano (but who hasn’t) and French Canadian model and actress Marikym Hervieux in February of 2009. Good Midwest boys that they are, the Cardinals aren’t currently dating any celebrities (their mommas taught them not to cut for Barry Zito’s sloppy seconds. Or Brad Penny’s. Or Carl Pavano’s. Or…you get the picture). Cardinals 3B Mark DeRosa’s wife, Heidi DeRosa does make up for it though. Advantage: Cardinals
GOT JUICE?: Dodger Manny Ramirez tested positive for performance enhancing drugs in May, and L.A. pitcher Hong-Chih Kuo tested positive before joining the 2006 Asian games in Doha. A 2007 report said Cardinal Rick Ankiel received HGH in ’04. Advantage: Dodgers
ON THE FIELD: Dodgers have the best home field record in the NL and lowest ERA in the league. The Cards only player with 100 RBI and at least 25 home runs is Albert Pujols. Advantage: Dodgers
PREDICTION: Dodgers have home field, more juice, and Alyssa Milano. Dodgers in 4.
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MATCHUP: Phillies vs. Rockies
WIVES AND GIRLFRIENDS: Phillies second baseman Chase Utley’s wife, Jennifer Utley could field our slider in the dirt (so could Rockies shortstop Troy Tulowitzki’s fiancée, Danyll Gammon). But in the end, we have to hand it to Philly pitcher Cole Hamels’ new bride Heidi Hamels who stripped for peanut butter and Oreos on Survivor season 6. Advantage: Phillies
GOT JUICE?: Phillies reliever J.C. Romero was suspended 50 games for testing positive for performance enhancing drugs this past offseason. The Rockies’ Juan Rincon was suspended 10 games under the MLB drug policy in 2005, and reserve infielder Jason Giambi admitted to using several steroids in his 2003 grand jury testimony in the BALCO case. Advantage: Rockies
ON THE FIELD: The Phillies are ranked 21st in team batting average in 8th in team ERA. For the Rockies Todd Helton and Troy Tulowitzki carry the offense with HRs, RBIs and batting average, while three 15 game winners in the rotation help too. Plus, the Rox don’t have Brad Lidge a.k.a. the Human Playoff Flaming Gas Can. Advantage: Rockies
PREDICTION: ‘Roids + altitude – Lidge = the win. Rockies win in 5.

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Chad Ochocinco’s Fashion Statements: Vote For Your Favorite!

justinm — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 19:57:18 +0000

There’s a pinko in Cincinnati.

Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad OchoCinco loves breasts almost as much as he loves attention. That’s why this weekend, when the NFL allows players to wear pink cleats to promote Breast Cancer Awareness Month, the player formerly known as Chad Johnson will take things a step further and match his all-pink cleats to pink gloves, pink wrist bands, a pink mouthpiece, and a ~~pink tutu~~ pink chin strap. On his Twitter account, 85 said that if the No Fun League fines him for wearing additional pink, they can suck two tough titties and he’ll match the fine with a donation to a breast cancer charity. That’s how you show awareness, you boobs!

In honor of Ocho Cinco showing more pink than a porn set, Complex is looking back at the polarizing entertainer-athlete’s most sensational fashion statements. Check ’em out and vote on your favorite…

FASHION: Blond Mohawk
STATEMENT: “Ochocinco loves the blond strip. Just ask your wife.”

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CLICK NEXT TO SEE MORE OF CHAD’S UNIQUE FASHION STATEMENTS