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Don Cheadle Plays Spy Games In “The Traitor”
There’s no question that Don Cheadle is one of the illest actors alive, but aside from a few exceptions, he always seems to play the quieter roles: stressed-out hoteliers, out-spoken radio DJs, stereo salesmen/porn stars. You know, the movies that require the kind of subtle, nuanced acting that ol’ Don always brings.
But after all these years, we wouldn’t mind seeing DC kick a little ass and take a few names. It looks like this summer’s The Traitor (in theatres August 29) could be his shot. The movie, which is based on an idea from Steve Martin, follows Cheadle’s Special Forces official who becomes the top suspect in what appears to be a terrorism plot. Of course, Don ain’t going out like that, so he has to untangle the international mystery and clear his name. Watch the new trailer after the jump.
Popularity: 6% [?]
Watching Untraceable Doesn’t Make You A Sick Individual
From beheadings to horses getting head, your main critic with a did-dick Ayo! Scott has seen it all online. I’m not proud of my voyeurism (especially after I wipe up my skeet with a dirty sock), but Curiosity isn’t just a limber ladyboy I found in the back pages of The Village Voice. Does the overwhelming desire to watch disturbing shit really make me a bad person?
This is the question you’ll be asking yourself while peeping the Diane Lane thriller Untraceable, which comes out on DVD today. Lane, my 43-year-old wet dream girl, plays an FBI agent on the hunt for a serial killer who broadcasts his murders live online. The catch is that he’s not technically the one killing people; torture devices are hooked up to his Killwithme.com site’s hit counter, so increased traffic accelerates a victim’s death and anyone who logs on becomes an accomplice to murder. (Thankfully nobody has set this up in real life because we already have enough Internet thugs pretending they’re killers. Come see Ayo! Scott, you cock goblins!)
A lot of serial killer flicks thrust a dull message into your gut, but Untraceable was sharp enough to get me thinking. Maybe the movie is hypocritical for depicting torture to entertain me, then suggesting I’m an asshole for digging it, but I can enjoy a torture scene without analyzing it to death. Personally, I like to just watch Lane from afar with a cold one in one hand and a hot one in the other. It does the trick for me until there’s online video of her husband, that motherfucking lucky asshole James Brolin, involved in equestrian bukkake. See the trailer for Untraceable after the break.
Popularity: 8% [?]
We Want To Believe In The New X-Files Trailer
As lame as it got near the end of its decade-long run, The X-Files was definitely one of the dopest shows of the ’90s during its first five years. As you’ve probably heard, those wacky Feds Mulder and Scully are getting back together this summer for the long-awaited big screen sequel, The X-Files: I Want To Believe, which hits theatres on July 25th. Why, you ask? Well, David Duchovy, Gillian Anderson and creator Chris Carter weren’t really doing anything else. Why not?
The plot details have been kept under wraps, and the intense trailer, which debuted today, reveals only some minor concrete details. The not-so-good news: Xzibit is still definitely in the movie. The oh-so-good news—Scully is finer than ever. Since shedding the faux-Jennifer Anniston redhead look of the ’90s, she’s grown her hair out back to its natural color and aged into a cougar worthy of our recent MILF Index. After the jump, watch the new trailer.
Popularity: 5% [?]
Gore Verbinski Helms Big Screen Bioshock Adaptation
Hollywood really loves fucking up our favorite video games by remaking them into shitty live-action movies (actually, its mostly Uwe Boll’s fault). So when we heard today’s news about a Bioshock movie going into production, we got a little scared. At least semi-competent director Gore Verbinski (The Ring, Pirates of the Carribean) is behind it. Could be worse.
If you’re not familiar, Bioshock was released last year on the Xbox and PC to rave reviews. It’s an extremely creepy first-person shooter in which you survive a fiery plane crash, only to stumble upon an underwater city that’s overrun with unpredictable mutants. Watch the game’s preview after the jump.
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The Official Complex Babysitters Review
Words: Ayo! Scott
Didn’t get lucky with the girls in high school? They probably didn’t notice you because they were too busy whoring themselves to dads so they could afford fancy purses and college tuition. Maybe not, but it’s a nice way to explain why you didn’t get dome until college. It’s also the premise of David Ross’s directorial debut, The Babysitters, which comes out today.
When a married father (John Leguizamo) makes out with and later smashes off his smitten 16-year-old sitter (Katherine Waterston), he makes the mistake of paying her extra to keep quiet. Chicks dig it when you put a price tag on their p, and before long the disillusioned girl is building a college fund by prostituting herself to other horny dads and pimping her money hungry friends out as well. Sounds like a happy ending, but of course dudes can’t ever pay for a piece in peace (we feel you, Eliot Spitzer).
Somewhere between the dark comedy of Election and the sappy tear-jerk-off of a Degrassi High episode, The Babysitters fails to reach its potentially mind-blowing climax because it never really commits to the former. Just when you’ve accepted the idea of empowered high school hookers, the film confronts you with their emotional turmoil (c’mon, everyone knows prostitutes don’t have feelings). Sadly, it’s true that high school girls, while hot and definitely worth paying to sleep with, are too mentally fragile for the sex trade. Thank goodness for baby-faced twentysomethings. Hit the ATM and watch the trailer after the jump.
Popularity: 6% [?]
The Official Complex Speed Racer Review
No other way to put this: Speed Racer is a giant turd. It’s so fucking bad that it’s almost funny. Which would be fine, if it weren’t so fucking brain-numbingly bad. There are plenty of campy movies that are pretty funny when you stumble upon them on Starz after a few bong hits. But the Wachowski brothers’ Speed Racer doesn’t even fit into the “…on weed!” category. It’s just fucking bad.
We knew shit was heading downhill when the very first race sequence couldn’t even sustain our attention. Talk about a premature bust-off: the film dribbles its load in the opening race scene—full of colorful, frenetic CGI effects that must’ve impressed somebody at some point—and then just repeats the same formula over and over again. And over and over again. One hundred and thirty five fucking minutes. That’s a long time.
Yeah, Speed Racer is PG-rated, but you can’t even use the “it’s just for kids” excuse. There were two tykes sitting next to us, and we’ve seen more excitement at a Siberian orphanage. The story is needlessly confusing, filled with laughable dialogue, more earnest than an after school special. Poor Emile Hirsch—you can’t really blame him. (Definitely blame Matthew Fox, though.) On the plus side, Susan Sarandon is…yo. Christina Ricci plays Speed’s love interest, but how’s his moms look twice as good? Susan, Susan, Susan. You are not a MILF. You are a MILKCSFAMSLT(*). In short: Speed Racer blows. But you already knew that. See the trailer and the (*) answer after the jump.
Popularity: 6% [?]
Rainn Wilson Parties Like A Rocker
With his role as Dwight Schrute, the power-hungry brown-noser on NBC’s The Office, Rainn Wilson could be the funniest man on TV. After knocking out smaller roles in solid flicks like Juno and The Last Mimzy, the Rainn man is stepping into his first leading man role with The Rocker.
The film follows Fish, a regular guy who was the original drummer for world-famous hair metal band Vesuvius before they blew up. He’s still bitter, but after his nephew asks him to fill in for a missing member in his high school band at prom, Fish gets a second chance at superstardom. Expect some funny flashback scenes of Rainn in full spandex & hairspray mode. The movie hits theatres on August 1st, so watch the first trailer after the jump.
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Watch Scenes From The Wackness
The “stoner comedy” genre gets a lot of love, but what about the “stoner drama”? Director Jonathan Levine (who made a big stir at the 2006 film festivals with his horror movie All The Boys Love Mandy Lane) has a new movie called The Wackness coming out on July 3rd that seems to be one half nuanced, character-driven coming-of-age drama and half pot-smoking hijinks.
The flick, which takes place in 1994, follows a kid who spends his last summer in NYC before college selling weed out of his Italian Ice cart. After he starts exchanging trees for sessions with his shrink (played by Ben Kingsley), he develops a bond with the old man and a crush on his step daughter. Method Man (with a bad Jamaican accent) plays his weed dealer and Mary-Kate Olsen plays some other crazy chick. The soundtrack features a who’s who of 1994 NY rap, including Nas and Biggie. After the jump, watch the official trailer and 8 newly-released scenes from the movie.
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Iron Man Meets Nick Fury In Bonus Clip
In case you high-talied it out of the theater last Friday after watching Iron Man, you missed the introduction of Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury. You couldn’t ask for a better setup. Through the course of the film, a puny government agent gave clues to his parent company, Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division which actually stands for S.H.I.E.L.D.—the counter-terrorism group which Fury heads up. Only thing is, no one really picked up on that until he decided to shorten the long-form name to S.H.I.E.L.D.
As most comic fans would know, Nick Fury was drawn as Jackson for the Ultimates series, kind of like a remix of the Avengers. Now that Iron Man hit the big-screen, the sequel is set to follow their story, featuring of course, Nick Fury. Watch the teaser clip after the jump.
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The Official Complex Iron Man Review
Words: Ayo! Scott
Like your superheroes hard-bodied? Don’t find anything super about the Man of Steel’s tights? Lucky for you, Iron Man, the latest of the Marvel superheroes to hit the big screen, is as hard as they come, and so is his debut movie. With comic adaptations, you never know if you’ll get something that’s sharp and true to the source material, like X-Men or Spider-Man, or something like Daredevil, Hulk, and both the ’89 and ’04 versions of The Punisher, that fudges things like a shit stain.
Iron Man director Jon Favreau and his design team get props for all the variations of the Iron Man suit (word to the nipples on George Clooney’s Batman) and the proper doses of sexuality and violence (Iron Man is not for the kids, unless those lil’ fuckers are already serial killing on GTA IV). Robert Downey Jr. brilliantly portrays Tony Stark, the alcoholic playboy arms manufacturer who’s taken captive by terrorists and forced to create an armored suit to escape. Really, you’d swear Downey has first-hand knowledge of what it’s like to be an addict and a prisoner. Jeff Bridges will forever be “The Dude” to us, but after seeing the depths of his villainy as Obadiah Stane/Iron Monger we wouldn’t be surprised if he secretly molests grandmothers. Our biggest complaint about Iron Man is that Terrence Howard’s high-pitched voice sounds like a woman’s. He’s playing an Air Force Colonel; can’t he at least act like his balls have dropped? Thankfully that’s a minor hiccup in what is otherwise a standard-setting superhero flick and summer blockbuster. For real, this Iron bangs. Check out the Iron Man trailer (and our 3 minute reenactment) after the jump.
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