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Slush Puppy

We know puppies have a tendency to be playful little troublemakers, but we never thought of them as sex offenders. Watch as this overly affectionate canine takes advantage of this passed out drunk dude and starts French licking him, giving new meaning to the idiom: man’s best friend.

Beer Diet

This young skinny blond explores the remarkable weight loss effects that can be achieved with an all beer diet. Although she warns against some of the dangerous side effects, the benefits easily outweigh the risks. We urge all women to consider this organic alternative.

Best Fake News That Could Be Real

Dov Charney, founder of sweatshop-free clothier American Apparel, is publicly known for his ultra pervy ways and that’s what makes this “news” story by The Onion detailing the ‘14 American Apparel Models Freed In Daring Midnight Raid‘ all the more relevant. You should definitely give it a read in its entirety, but here’s a choice quote to hold you over till you completely click over:

“There were girls lying everywhere—draped over furniture, sprawled spread-eagled in the corner, and huddled close like animals,” FBI Special Agent Curtis Froman, who oversaw the raid, said at a press conference. “Many of them had been given nothing more than a pair of tube socks or men’s briefs to wear.”

We know The Onion is strictly a satirical news outlet but this actually sounds more like a typical day in Dov’s office than it does a faux news story.

[Source, via]

This Kid Will Make Ya Whiff Guaranteed

This is hands down, the best whiffle ball pitcher we’ve ever seen. Watch as he throws dangerous curves, sliders, and some shockingly fast fast balls. His accuracy and ability to hit the sweet spot is a pure sandlot anomaly. Unfortunately for this kid, there’s no Cy Young Award—or any kind of props sans getting some recognition on Break.com—for heaving plastic balls around the backyard.

Support the Troops Track: “I Like a Boy”

BarelyPolitical, the satirical political website that launched with its hit “Obama Girl,” and then followed that up with “Debate ‘08: Obama Girl vs Giuliani Girl,” is at it again with a new video: “I Like A Boy.” It’s a salute to U.S. troops who are serving and features real family members who miss them. It also stars Obama Girl herself, other alumni, and a brief cameo by MIMS. While it’s not as punchy or catchy as the first two, it’s still worth a watch and a genuine tribute to the troops.

Parkour Without Obstacles

These “street acrobats” are flipping out, literally, and obviously not worried about a safety mat. If these kids would just throw in a few staircases, rooftops, and dumpsters while jumping around they would almost be doing Parkour. For now they’re gonna have to stick it out with the “street acrobats” title.

Backyard Kung Fu

Just when you thought the kids into Backyard Wrestling were theatrical, this “homemade” martial arts fight scene pops up on Break.com. We have no idea how old or genuine it is, but the description for the clip claims that two “well trained martial artists got together one weekend and made an awesome movie quality fight scene.” Indeed. And if they did in fact choreograph this whole thing themselves, they should quit their day jobs and get into the stunt business ASAP.

Chick Gasses Strangers

We don’t know how we should feel about this clip being both fascinated and horrified simultaneously. Some guys will do anything for a woman, even going so far as letting a stranger fart in their mouths. Since when did this become such a popular fetish? Words can’t even really describe this level of freakishness, so you better just press play.

No Spin Zone

If you’re gonna get in a high speed chase with cops, just make sure you take that defensive driving class and pass. This guy must have had his Skip Barber hat on cause every time the police tried to pull a spin out maneuver on him, he was able to recover and keep going. Even when they finally do spin him out, dude throws it into reverse and keeps it moving only to be spun back into a forward position. We have no idea how this all panned out, but we’re totally rooting for the perp in this clip, if not just for his driving skills alone.

Internet People

Andy Warhol always said everyone would get their “15 minutes of fame,” and never before has this been so true than with the power of the “internets.” Check out this great animation highlighting, semi-chronologically, some of the most memorable and stand out “Internet People.”