Lighten Up! A History of Sammy Sosa’s Biggest Fails
Retired slugger Sammy Sosa can’t win. First, he gets shown up by Mark McGwire in the infamous home run race of 1998, and now he misses making it onto our 100 Best Sports Moments of the Decade list because he pulled off his “enlightening” Michael Jackson impersonation a few days too late.
Last week, Slammin’ Sammy showed up to an event in Las Vegas for the 2009 Latin Grammy Awards looking paler than a ghost, like he’d just seen himself in the mirror and gotten scared by how light skinned he was (real chicken-and-egg shit). While we all wondered if he was on some throwback self-hatred or maybe just a really big fan of the Twilight franchise, Sammy’s reps claimed that his new Caucasian complexion was a side effect from skin rejuvenation treatment—which is ironic, considering that it looks like the life has drained out of his face. Whatever the case is, it’s a losing look, so we decided to bring you a history of Sosa’s biggest fails…
THE SOSA JHERI CURL
DATE: June 16, 1989
SOSA FAIL: Sosa burst onto the big league scene sportin’ the oh-so-silky-smooth Jheri curl. He switched it up as his career went on, but as you can see from this photo, Sammy still loves the relaxer. If he were any more relaxed his hair would be snoring.
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2ND BEST JUICER
DATE: September 8, 1998
SOSA FAIL: In the home run record chase of 1998, Mark McGwire broke Roger Maris’ single-season home run record by hitting number 62 in a game against Sosa’s Cubs. Sammy hit his 58th of the season earlier that game and finished the year with 65 dingers to Big Mac’s 70. Obviously they were both juicing, one just did it better. Second place is the first loser, Sammy, especially when your testicles are just as shriveled.
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CORKED BAT
DATE:June 3, 2003
SOSA FAIL: In a game vs. the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, Sosa was ejected from the game in the first inning when his bat broke and umpires discovered his bat was corked. Afterward he was suspended for eight games. Guess he was afraid his steroid use would be exposed if he played small ball.
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SNEEZE SENDS SOSA TO DL
DATE: May 2004
SOSA FAIL: During pre-game interviews with reporters before playing against the San Diego Padres, Sosa sneezed so violently that he injured his back. He was later placed on the disabled list with back spasms. All we can say is, at least he didn’t pull something while trying to dome himself out. That would be a very foul ball.
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NO HABLA INGLES
DATE: March 17, 2005
SOSA FAIL: In the MLB Congressional steroid hearings, Sosa had his attorney testify on his behalf because—after 20 years of being in the States and countless interviews—he suddenly couldn’t speak English as well as the Taco Bell Dog. FOH.
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BONUS: HIGH HEAT 2001 COMMERCIAL
DATE: March 8, 2000
SOSA FAIL: In this commercial for 3DO’s PC Game High Heat Major League Baseball 2001, Sammy claims “It’s soo reeeaaall!” Too bad that shit looked like something that should have come out on Atari.
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RELATED: Complex’s Top 100 Sports Moments of the 2000s!
President 4 Life November 9, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Man, leave Sosa alone. HE saved baseball more than anybody else. Everybody was juicing back then. He was just one of the best players of that era.
NYer :[ November 10, 2009 at 8:13 pm
High Heeeeat
Carlton November 11, 2009 at 4:54 pm
that high heat commercial was hilarious!!!!
PoloFiend November 12, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Lmao! “Its sooooo reeaall!”
SW November 12, 2009 at 6:46 pm
Only time will tell if its skin rejuvenation.
Issa November 12, 2009 at 11:49 pm
The only product I can think of that could have made him that pale is fair and flawless 80xf skin whitening gel. http://www.fairandflawlessskin.com
Issa November 12, 2009 at 11:52 pm
Or maybe he used the Se`quiiso skin whitening cream sold in New york that all the black celebrities are using.
Fadi November 19, 2009 at 1:55 am
Hey Issa I know some people who use products from that company. I have heard of the Se quiiso cream as well. How do you know about this product? My friend wanted to get it from them but he was denied because it is only for “celebrities.” Where in New York can you get it?
Issa November 19, 2009 at 9:59 am
fadi i got the number the woman who sells the creams, she is a celebrity stylist who specializes in the skin. she works out of new york. her office is on 14th between 5th and 6th ave in new york city.
Fadi November 19, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Issa can you get in touch with me via email? Please email me at mikedavis6746@gmail.com. I made a temporary account so that others will not get my real email. When you email me there I will give you my real email address. thanks.
Fadi November 20, 2009 at 4:53 am
Hey Issa if you are unable to email me, if you can write the number on this blog and information as far as what the person’s name is and such I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks.
Issa November 27, 2009 at 2:17 am
the place that sells the se quiiso whitening cream is on 14th street in the meat packing district in New York city,close the the alexander mcqueen store. the cost is 600$ for 1 jar. the woman name is Suzanna she is friends with Tyra Banks. Maybe the fair and flawless company is eseller of her products.
Fadi November 23, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Hey Issa please do get in contact with me. Your help is very much needed.
Issa November 27, 2009 at 2:21 am
if you go to 14th street in the meat packing dist, once you see the alexander mcquuen store, you can’t miss the place. or maybe you should call fair and flawless and see if they will sell it you.
Fadi November 27, 2009 at 4:55 am
Hey Issa. I do not live in New York City therefore not familiar with that area. Can you please email me her number?
Fadi November 29, 2009 at 6:57 am
My email address is farabianprince@gmail.com. Please email me the contacting number there. It will assist me greatly.Fair and Flawless said they will not sell me the products.
Issa December 4, 2009 at 12:02 pm
wendy williams is also on this sequiiso cream, try and go to new york. the store is definately in the meat packing dist. 14th beween 9th and 10th street. 2nd floor. or just call fair and flawless-i know of a few people who got it from them and are loving the results. http://www.fairandflawlessskin.com
516.620.4210
Fadi December 4, 2009 at 4:45 pm
hey Issa I have the number to fair and flawless. I need the number to the store in the meat packing district? Do you have that number?
Fadi December 6, 2009 at 8:35 am
Hey Issa do you know the name of the store in the meatpacking district that sells the se quiiso cream?
Fadi December 14, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Hey Issa I visited New York and went on 14th street between 9th and 10th avenue and I never found the store…I checked every store that I possibly could and the only salon I found in that area was Ediris Salon…Please Please email me at farabianprince@gmail.com and provide me with the number and name of that store…if possible I would like to contact you via phone brother. I really need your help.
arrjae November 17, 2009 at 4:28 pm
is it just me,
in that jheri curl pic,
he ’sort-of’ looks like lebron james….
keepitreal November 22, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Nigga have you lost your damn mind.You’re one of the best baseball players in history and you”re trying to be white.Your whole life is synthetic.You should get rid of your publicist too what about the contacts.
Nadia November 29, 2009 at 11:45 am
testing.
Nadia November 29, 2009 at 11:53 am
Some people are speculating that he used Makari to lighten his skin. Makari lightens the skin but it gives you a natural looking color.
If you want a lighter, brighter complexion, or just want to even out your skin tone, give the Makari products a try. People have gotten good results from using the products. The most effective Makari skin lightening products are the Day and Night Skin Lightening Creams and the Beautifying Milk. I found a 10% discount code called (Amber411) on another board. You can use the discount on the Makari website if you want to save some money on your orders. Good luck.
ahttp://www.makari.com/All-Products.html
Nadia November 29, 2009 at 11:55 am
Some people are speculating that he used Makari to lighten his skin. Makari lightens the skin but it gives you a natural looking color.
If you want a lighter, brighter complexion, or just want to even out your skin tone, give the Makari products a try. People have gotten good results from using the products. The most effective Makari skin lightening products are the Day and Night Skin Lightening Creams and the Beautifying Milk. I found a 10% discount code called (Amber411) on another board. You can use the discount on the Makari website if you want to save some money on your orders. Good luck.
http://www.makari.com/All-Products.html
Cindy January 12, 2010 at 4:37 pm
Makari?? LOL!! That cream could not possibly give those results, not even close!! Sammy Sosa is not using Makari!! What’s their lightening ingredient? Their cream are not powerful enough.