Casting Call: 10 Baywatch Babes for the 21st Century

It’s been twenty years since Baywatch debuted and eight since the classic series ended its bouncy run, and if you’ve been fiending for vapid storylines and gloriously artificial glorious twos (and who doesn’t?!), it looks like your fix may be in. Paramount Pictures recently announced that it’s hired Jeremy Garelick (an uncredited scribe on this summer’s smash The Hangover) to write and direct a Baywatch movie with a tentative release date of 2012.

There’s no way Complex is waiting three years for the film (film!), so we’ve taken the liberty of providing a few updated casting choices, complete with references to the original actresses. So please, kick back with some SPF 40 and a Piña Colada and enjoy our picks for the Girls of the New Baywatch Movie. Just don’t bring your Vaseline to the beach, homies. You know, sand and such…

Marisa is America’s current All-American blond beach girl and Pam was America’s original All-American Canadian blond beach girl. Sounds like a (near) perfect match to us.
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Does this mean we can also go ahead and pencil Audrina in for the inevitable BASEketball remake before she fades into obscurity? If there’s a god it does!
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OK, so this isn’t such an exact match, but we had to have Jessica in the list and she can be the mature (ha!), intelligent (hee!), reasoned (please stop us) member of the crew. Minus the man’s haircut.
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Burns’ original character’s name was Jessie Owens; Rafaeli only gets the job if she does the high jump…oh who are we kidding. If she can pass our mouth to mouth exam, she’s in.
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Look, tokenism in Hollywood sucks and it isn’t anything new, and we hate to reinforce it…almost as much as we like looking at pictures of model/video chick K.D.
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Carmen’s got a mix of Irish, German, and Cherokee ancestry; Kim’s Armenian, Scotch, and Dutch. How different would the world be if Carmen had grown up when it was acceptable to have a great big beautiful ass?
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The show’s name was changed to Baywatch Hawaii when Stacy joined the cast in ‘99, a nod to her homestate. We’ll call it Baywatch Trailer Park as long as our hot Hawaiian homegirl Jarah agrees to be a part of it.
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Kelly’s character’s last name was “Giminski.” We’ll give Hayden a more eloquent surname in our version.
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Mitzi played Alex Ryker, the mother hen of the Baywatch crew. Rachel can sit on our eggs any time she wants.

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Eleniak was the original blond Baywatch Babe, before Pam Anderson joined the cast and stole the show in season three. We’re hoping that Scar-Jo’s skinny-dipping swim scene in He’s Just Not That Into You was just a warm up…not that we watched that movie.