eBay’s Most Disgusting Celebrity Auctions

Think Scarlett Johansson is too classy to auction off a used tissue for charity? She snot.

Scarlett Johansson gives and gives. First The Spirit star blessed the world with huge twos and horrendous acting, and now she’s making money for the charity USA Harvest by auctioning off a snot-soaked tissue she blew her nose with on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno (bless you very much, peons).

Scar-Jo is continuing a rather disturbing trend of getting fans to pay big money to for a little celebrity DNA. If you ask us, we should be showering her with DNA. But if you think she’s cool for this, hey, blow your nose, then blow it out your ass. And while you’re at it, check out more ridiculous DNA-licious celebrity memorabilia auction items.

COREY HAIM’S TEETH AND PUBIC HAIR

• When he was a successful actor and heartthrob, all the girls wanted a piece of him. After years of drug addiction, those lucky ladies finally got their shot when he put his authentic decaying teeth and pubes up for auction on eBay so he could buy more drugs. Dreamy.

TIGER WOODS’S APPLE CORE

• At the 2008 U.S. Open, a fan snagged an apple core Tiger discarded and padded his daughter’s college fund by auctioning it off online for $36,000. We can only imagine how much peanuts dug out of his shit would fetch. That’s an asshole in one!

BRITNEY SPEARS’S GUM

• Brit likes to chew gum and douche bags like to follow her around to pick it up and auction it off to psycho fans after she’s spat it out. As far as we’re concerned, when a chick spits and we’re left examining teeth marks, nobody gets paid.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE’S FRENCH TOAST

• In 2000, a piece of French toast that Justin Timberlake took a bite out of at a New York radio station sold on eBay for $3,154. Extra syrup was not included, as buying JT’s partially-eaten breakfast is already incredibly soft and sweet.

BRYAN ADAMS’S SOCKS

• For $1,000, a female fan bought sweaty socks Canadian rocker Bryan Adams left behind in a car after a concert in Wales. She said she planned to wear them to see his concert. Hopefully she did. And got athlete’s foot. Size 13. Right up her silly bunghole.

SHIA LABEOUF’S UNDERWEAR

• These tighty whiteys Shia wore in the 2006 indie flick A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints went up for auction and included “makeup stains, dirt, etc.” In eBay parlance, “etc.” is short for LaBeefaroni skid marks.