A Day In the Life of Kanye West, Fashion Intern

When he first started talking about interning for Louis Vuitton or Raf Simons a couple weeks ago, we were a little skeptical of Kanye West’s dreams of being a fashion designer’s bitch. But now that 808s & Heartbreak is out, homie probably has a little more time on his hands. So what would a day in the life of Kanye the fashion intern entail? Read on for our minute-by-minute breakdown…

8:47 AM

• ‘Ye gets to work 13 minutes early'but doesn’t actually make it into the office until 9:20 after he’s informed that Intern Valet Parking doesn’t exist.

9:23 AM
• ‘Ye’s new boss asks him to go out for coffee. Surprisingly, Kanye agrees and returns 10 minutes later with the order perfectly executed, including change and receipt.

9:34 AM
• ‘Ye sends out his first company-wide, subject-only email: “HOW FUCKING HOT WAS THAT COFFEE???!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

9:40 AM

• Kanye given his first warning for surfing black on blonde porn at work.

9:45 AM
• Kanye asked to copy and collate a 5-page memo entitled “New Corporate Travel/Expense Procedures” for his boss’ assistant.

10:23 AM
• Kanye satisfactorily finishes assignment (after 15-minute break to send Don C out to pick up Louis Vuitton Band-Aids for his paper cut).

10:25 AM
• Kanye sends out second company-wide, subject-only email: “THANK YOU EVERYBODY FOR MAKING MY FIRST COPYING ASSIGNMENT NUMBER ONE IN THIS COMPANY’S HISTORY, EVER!!!! I SENT A COPY OF MY COPIES TO MY BOY FROM THE A AND HE SAYS THE STAPLES ARE PERFECT!!! THIS IS A COPYING AND STAPLING JOB NOBODY CAN FRONT ON!!! I’VE BEEN HEARING THAT STREET NIGGAS THAT HAD CONVERTED TO ELECTRONIC CORRESPONDENCE ONLY ARE GOING BACK TO PAPER ON THE STRENGTH OF MY JOB! IT REMINDS ME OF MY FIRST ASSIGNMENT WHEN EVERYBODY SAID I COULDN’T GET THE COFFEE ORDER RIGHT!!! ME AND THE CANON IMAGEPRESS C1 ARE GONE CHANGE THE DOCUMENT REPRODUCTION GAME FOREVER!!!

10:27 AM
• Kanye called into the boss’ office for “brief chat” about company email protocol.

11:01 AM
• Kanye asked to compile a dossier of “recent fashion-forward looks.”

11:02 AM
• Kanye completes assignment.

11:04 AM
• ‘Ye asked to compile a dossier of “recent fashion-forward looks, not including pictures of yourself or Pharrell.”

11:56 AM
• ‘Ye given second and final warning for surfing black on blonde porn at work.

1:13 PM
• The rest of the office returns from lunch to discover that the celebrity intern has replaced every desk chair with Rocking Green Chickens.

2:01 PM

• Kanye called into boss’ office for “brief refresher” on the company’s sexual harassment guidelines after putting a “picture of questionable appropriateness” on the desk of fellow first-day intern Olga.

2:57 PM
• While cleaning out the supply closet, ‘Ye chastised by office manager for playing his Pong watch.

3:32 PM
• Kanye asked to schedule a meeting for the next day between his boss and the company CFO.

3:39 PM
• Kanye called into boss’ office for “brief course” on proper intra-office email salutations after addressing the CFO as “BIG BROTHER” in his scheduling email. “Caps Lock” function removed from ‘Ye’s computer.

4:24 PM
• Kanye fired for watching black on blonde porn.

4:27 PM
• Kanye buys company, installing Nigo and Takashi Murakami as co-CEOs, Don C as chief of photography, Sia Furler elevator music czar and Lexington Steele head of the office of sexual harassment compliance.

4:59 PM
• Kanye releases first press release as company boss, announcing the new line will “TOTALLY HAVE STUFF IN STORES BY NOVEMBER!!”