Politickin’ With John Brown: 2008’s Most Corrupt Politicians

In his weekly column, rapper John Brown'the self-proclaimed “King Of Da Burbz”'will be offering his insight into politics and current events to the Complex readers. Check out “Politickin With John Brown” every Thursday.

Look, it’s only corruption if you get caught. If we threw every politician in the bing for pay-for-play tactics, we’d have no government! How is a Joe the Plumber supposed to financially compete with a Mike Bloomberg if there’s no money-for-favors options?! Sheesh. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. With that said, there’s clearly an art to avoiding the wrath of prosecution and I gotta give it up to the slime balls that stay low-pro. So lets reflect on some of the most high-profile corruption suspects of ‘08 that couldn’t stay off the paydar….

5. SENATOR NORM COLEMAN (R-MN.)

You seen homie’s dentures? You know them bitches cost more than a flight to Minneapolis. Plus he’s in a dead-heat recount with the Saturday Night Live guy. He called up some of his CEO riders and they hit him with a loan. Scared money don’t make money!

4. REPRESENTATIVE JESSE JACKSON JR. (D-ILL.)

I don’t know, I smell a setup with this one. They say he offered the Governor of Illie a-millie for the senate seat, but c’mon, you know Obama’s been gunning for the Jackson clan ever since Senior made that homo-erotic statement on FOX. They knew lil’ Jessie would fall for the bait to redeem his family name. But he’ll need one helluva Rainbow Coalition to paint this scenario in favorable light.

3. SENATOR TED STEVENS (R-AK.)

I feel like once you hit 80 you’re not entirely responsible for decision-making. Even so, I think Stevens saw how our elders have been abandoned with all the evaporating 401K saving plans. Being the shrewd capitalist that he is, Grandpa Ted took a couple donations to put money away for his grandkids so they can run for office in 20 years. Duh.

2. GOVERNOR ROD BLAGOJEVICH (D-ILL.)

This guy. Even for a jaded cynical asshole like myself, I was somewhat surprised by his sinister hustle. Pronounced Blog-oya-vich, this fund raising titan desperately wanted to be Al Capone. He tried to pull back funding for a Children’s Hospital because the CEO wouldn’t hit him with 50 stacks?! Damn, that’s gangsta!

1. VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY (R-WY.)

So let me get this right. After eight years of indiscriminate war-profiteering, the only thing that Dick gets charged with is some indirect association to an abusive private prison? He shook that indictment off like “bitch please” and went back to his kill-for-cash program. Who said crime doesn’t pay?