Double Play: A History Of Sloppy Seconds In Sports
Sean Avery thinks you’re disgusting for falling in love with his sloppy seconds.
When Dallas Stars center Sean Avery is done high-sticking a chick, the NHL should just slap his number on her ass and raise it to the rafters, ’cause he won’t tolerate the next man scoring on her empty net. NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman just suspended the feisty firestarter indefinitely for taking a slap shot at his former girlfriend, actress Elisha Cuthbert, and her newest puck buddy, Calgary Flames defenseman Dion Phaneuf (she has also been linked to Montreal Canadiens defenseman Mike Komisarek).
Speaking to reporters in Calgary, Avery clowned Phaneuf for falling in love with his “sloppy seconds.” Ouch. We’d send Avery to the penalty box but Phaneuf weren't already stick deep in it. This isn’t the first time athletes have doubled up on a hot chick (no DP). Read on for more sexy sloppy seconds. Bon appetit…
GISELE BUNDCHEN
• Starting Lineup: Kelly Slater, Tom Brady
• Sloppy Secondary: Slater has nine World Surfing Championships, including five consecutive titles from 1994-1998; Brady has three measly Super Bowl rings and the haunting memory of an imperfect 18-1 season. Looks like we finally found the man who can make Brady feel insecure. (Sorry, Leo.)
MADONNA
• Starting Lineup: Jose Canseco, Alex Rodriguez
• Sloppy Secondary: A-Rod not only cheated on his wife with Canseco's onetime fling but also hit on Canseco's wife, according to the poster boy for steroids. Canseco would have crushed his ballsy nemesis but his pistachio nuts weren't up to it.
ANNA KOURNIKOVA
• Starting Lineup: Pavel Bure, Sergei Fedorov
• Sloppy Secondary: Federov owns the record for most goals scored by a Russian-born NHL player but Bure holds the scoring record for crossing Kournikova's goal line first.
ALYSSA MILANO
• Starting Lineup: Carl Pavano, Barry Zito, Brad Penny, Russell Martin
• Sloppy Secondary: It makes sense that Milano would catch for pitchers but does that mean she pitched to Dodgers catcher Martin? On second thought, she probably still caught it.
TONI BRAXTON
• Starting Lineup: Jason Kidd, Jimmy Jackson
• Sloppy Secondary: The rumor goes Jackson told Braxton that his Dallas Mavericks teammate Kidd was sick and couldn't meet her for their date, then took her out himself. When Kidd, who thought he'd been stood up, found out about Jackson's betrayal, they stopped speaking to each other. All we know is, whoever hit that first was a true maverick. The other was just filling the lane.
CHRIS EVERT
• Starting Lineup: Jimmy Connors, John Lloyd, Vitas Gerulaitis, Andy Mill, Greg Norman
• Sloppy Secondary: Judging by the performance peaks her men experienced when they were with her, Evert's service is magical. It’d have to be, the way husband Norman is feasting on those filthy fifths.
