Politickin’ With John Brown: How To Be A Cool President

In his weekly column, rapper John Brown'the self-proclaimed “King Of Da Burbz”'will be offering his insight into politics and current events to the Complex readers. Check out “Politickin With John Brown” every Thursday.

This past week, Sean Combs appeared on Bill Maher, where he declared that, regardless of Obama’s race, most Americans are happy that we finally have a “cool president.” I thought Bill Clinton getting a head whop from ML was pretty cool, but that’s irrelevant. We now have a fresh slate from which to define American presidential swag and I’d like to throw in my two cents. Here’s a few ideas for the big homie on how to maximize his youthful mentality to transform this puritanical nation into paradise…

5. SMASH THE OBAMA GIRL

Is it short-sighted and shallow? Yes. But let me elaborate. The viral “I’ve Got A Crush On Obama” video garnered over 12 million views and single-handedly propelled the Obama brand into college dorms throughout the country. Perverts everywhere were enamored with passionate calls for change. The least he could do is give her a tour of the oval office, or vice versa. It’ll be easy to pull off'she’s already coming to the White House Correspondent’s dinner and should be tipsy and star-struck.
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4. INCLUDE HIP-HOP HEAVYWEIGHTS INTO GOVERNMENT POSITIONS

For the first time in history, the majority of the hip-hop community has actually identified with the United States government and felt some sort of inclusion as Americans. I’m still adjusting. But to expedite the conformity process and really co-opt our angst and aggression, I think Obama should start promoting some hip-hop icons into power positions. You can’t deny that artists helped to sway youth opinion, contributing to a record-breaking turnout among young voters. The only fair response: Jeezy as Drug Czar? Or head of USDA? Nas as Secretary of Education? I didn’t see Bill Richardson making fucking anthems for Barry and performing them around the country. Where’s the justice?
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3. LEGALIZE PROSTITUTION

I could detail my rational based on health and safety reasons, but I’ll just say this: hookers have destroyed the careers of some exceptional politicians and it’s an outright shame! This has got to stop. Not only would this alleviate additional stress and paranoia from our bureaucrats, but it will also provide millions of high-paying jobs'with benefits.
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2. CREATE A TASK-FORCE TO SOLVE UNSOLVED MURDERS OF RAPPERS

There’s something really eerie about the lack of information surrounding the murders of some of hip-hop’s greats: Pac, Biggie, Big L, Jam Master Jay, Soulja Slim, and so on. Solving these tragedies is a win-win situation for Obama. Not only will it bring closure for the families and fans, but it can also highlight how effective the CIA is at covert domestic assassinations.
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1. LEGALIZE GANJA

I’m sure you probably saw this one coming for all the obvious reasons, but think of the fiscal benefits. If there’s one thing that will kick-start this impotent economy, it’s to encourage weed sales! And it’s gonna happen. Barack “Maui Waui” Obama was a stoner and knows deep down that 75% of Americans get irie. He wants to get re-elected and we wanna re-up. Let’s turn a tax break into a smoke break!