War Movies For Warriors To Avoid On Veterans Day
Unless somebody shoots Pauly Shore, everybody loses the war.
Soldiers get pumped for action by watching a good war flick, but a shitty one can completely take the fight out of a warrior. This Veterans Day, make sure our fighting forces stay battle-ready by showing them Glory, Platoon, Full Metal Jacket, Apocalypse Now, Saving Private Ryan, 300'anything but these five disgraceful war flicks…
G.I. Jane (1997)
Women in the armed forces totally kick ass, but if we wanted to see Demi Moore’s face all bruised up and bloody, we’d visit her in the hospital the next time she gets a facelift.
In the Army Now (1994)
Pauly “The Weeeeeeasel” Shore and Andy Dick play U.S. Army Reservists unexpectedly thrust into a conflict in Africa. When it comes to Shore/Dick, don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t watch.
Battlefield Earth (2000)
In this adaptation of the novel by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, his nutty follower John Travolta plays a brutal alien fighting human resistance after having enslaved Earthlings for 1,000 years. It’s a bleak vision of the year 3000 A.D., sure. But if this is the kind of horse shit humanity believes in today, are we really worth fighting for?
McHale’s Navy (1997)
Tom Arnold is a Navy Admiral whose inept crew has to take down a ruthless terrorist in this dud that goes down with the ship like a hooker servicing seamen on shore leave.
Major Payne (1995)
Damon Wayans plays a tough-ass Marine who’s forced out of action and…into training military prep rejects? At least when war outgrew Rambo he got to keep on killing people.
