5 Bush Leftovers The Obamas Should Trash
So today Barack and Michelle Obama visit the White House for the first time as the President-Elect and First-Lady-In-Waiting. And while we assume everything’s gonna be all hearty handshakes and air kisses between the Obamas and Bushes, we also know that the two couples are about as different as they come. And that Michelle will finally get a look at the drapes she’s supposedly been measuring for a couple months now.
And what a set of drapes they probably are. You see, George W. Bush has a uniquely shitty style'call it New England blueblood WASP mixed with wannabe Texas rancher redneck. So the Obamas are going to have to get rid of a lot of really crappy stuff. But if you ask us, these 5 items should be the first to go…
OFFICIAL OVAL OFFICE “TIME OUT” CHAIR
When told that there was a White House Time Out chair, Michelle initially thought, “Well, Sasha just turned seven, so she’s a little old for it, but maybe I’ll keep it around just in case.” Then she was informed it was actually built to accommodate a 76-year-old man.
DICK CHENEY’S SNUFF PORN COLLECTION
He couldn’t keep ‘em at home, so Dick got Dubya to stash his snuff porn in the Oval Office’s “Lewinsky Closet.” The ones Dick liked to watch, Michelle will simply take to the trash (she’s already got the weapons-grade rubber gloves for the job). The ones Dick starred in will get sent to the Attorney General’s office.
DUBYA’S LIBRARY OF MANUALS, HOW-TO GUIDES, ETC.
The more esoteric tomes (”Neglect of Duty for Dummies,” “Remedial Pretzel Consumption,” “New Advances in Velcro”) will probably get shipped to the Bush Presidential Library, but some of the general interest titles may get left behind.
PAPA BUSH’S PORK RIND STASH
According to legend, Bush’s pops accumulated a lifetime supply of pork rinds that even Bubba Clinton couldn’t fully deplete. The Obamas will get rid of it though. Seriously, what’s a nice Muslim couple gonna do with a bunch of pork rinds?
SUPPLY OF “PATRIOT ACT” BRAND TOILET PAPER
Of course the Obamas won’t actually trash this, just use it for its original purpose.
