How To Pick Up Female Voters On Election Day

FAR LEFT
• How to identify her: She's apologizing to everyone for her whiteness, pointing out that at least he vagina is oppressed
• What to wear: Anything covered with Obama socialist propaganda (extra points if it's militantly pro-black)
• Talking points: McCain's life expectancy; Palin's I.Q.; the importance of using hemp oil-based lubricants and recycled rubbers during random sexual encounters with strangers
• Where to take her: Your solar-powered loft, to watch TiVoed episodes of The Rachel Maddow Show (not only will she completely agree with every opinion, but it'll remind her of her week-long experiment with bi-sexuality in college).