5 Characters Who Are Holding ‘Heroes’ Back

For all the hand-wringing that’s been going on around Heroes, it’s finally clear that the show’s been in decline for longer than it’s been…well, good. And now the heads are finally starting to roll: this morning brought news that two of the show’s executive producers, Jesse Alexander and comic-book vet Jeph Loeb, have been axed like questions.

All we have to say is: it’s a start. But if it were up to us, we’d be cutting a little more dead weight from the series we used to love (but now just watch for the petite blondes). Check out the five people that need to become ex-heroes for the show to get better…


#5: MATT PARKMAN (played by Greg Grunberg)

We didn’t mind when the (literally) big homie was going through it, losing his wife and career to his abilities–but at this point he’s just a big cornball who runs around with a turtle. One bad trip in Africa and now he’s saddling up to turn a ho into a housewife? Go home, man; your fake daughter needs you.

#4: BENJAMIN “KNOX” WASHINGTON (played by Jamie Hector)

We ride for Jamie–not only is he Marlo fucking Stanfield, but he’s our people–but this dude got roped into playing a character who a) makes no sense and b) is totally unnecessary. So he can smell fear, which makes him stronger. That’s cool, we guess; if he frightens people, he can create his own power and fuck with people at the same time. He does scare people, right? He doesn’t? Ah. Hm.

#3: TRACY STRAUSS (played by Ali Larter)

Nikki Sanders is back. Except not. Look, it was bad enough when those skittish-ass writers killed off her black husband (who actually had a cool power, mind you, not just some ol’ bullshit like Involuntary Evil Twin or Contagious Climate Control) and stuck us with the Single-Mom-and-mini-Obama show, but now we’re supposed to just forget (apparently dead) Nikki and become emotionally invested in one of her two identical twins? Save it for a soap opera, people.

#2: MOHINDER SURESH (played by Sendhil Ramamurthy)

We didn’t mind him at first–except for that whole letting-Sylar-go idiocy from Season 1–and we even gave him his propers for scooping 'Plex-approved dime Dania Ramirez, but this whole Jeff Goldblum ripoff routine is tired. You ain’t Fly, so go 'head with yaself.

#1: PETER PETRELLI (played by Milo Ventimiglia)

Sure, we cosigned dude back in the day. But hammy overacting + gratuitous male-model posing + brooding angst = meh. You’ve already got your consolation prize, so make like the only other quasi-famous Milo ever.