The Unauthorized History Of White Boy Dreadlocks
Andy Samberg as Ras Trent, seeing the world through white I’s.
It’s nearly impossible for a white boy with dreads to have credibility ‘pon lock. No matter how many drum circles they drum in, or how many spliffs they spark to heal the nation, some smart-ass like Saturday Night Live comic Andy Samberg will laugh at them and make a hilarious skit about their misguided appropriation of Rastafarian culture.
In honor of all the white dreads who are taking abuse and putting off the eventual haircut and embrace of white privilege on Wall Street, Complex rates the realness of 11 famous dreadlocked white boys. Dread it (especially if you made the list)…
JON FAVREAU IN PCU
BUMBACLOT RATING:
Gutter is the original college campus Trustafarian. Keep chanting down Babylon, bro.
THE PREDATOR
BUMBACLOT RATING:
The alien devil white man can try to mask his true nature with dreads, but we know he’s always out for world domination.
ALBOROSIE
BUMBACLOT RATING:
It’s OK to view white people who have dreads and make reggae music with suspicion, but by the time their locks reach past their ass, they’ve officially got a yard pass. Diddly whoo-ha!
GARY OLDMAN IN TRUE ROMANCE
BUMBACLOT RATING:
The roots of this confused pimp's dreads were so tight that he forgot when White Boy Day is. (It's every day, and if you're white boy you should remember this every time you wake up.)
TARZAN
BUMBACLOT RATING:
OK, we get that a dude who lives in the jungle canopy probably wouldn’t comb his hair much, but what exactly is Disney saying by having this dread move around like a chimp? This animated jumpoff is rated R for racism.
WILLI ONE BLOOD
BUMBACLOT RATING:
His one reggae hit was featured on the soundtrack to Dumb & Dumber, but we remember him best for The Professional, in which he played a very dutty cop.
JOHNNY DEPP IN PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN
BUMBACLOT RATING:
Hey, at least when Captain Jack Sparrow went to the Caribbean he got actual dreads, not just braids with beads in them. Goddamned tourists.
KAMRON FROM 4/5 WHITE RAP GROUP YOUNG BLACK TEENAGERS
BUMBACLOT RATING:
This milky brother is best remembered for a minor role in Kid N Play's House Party 2 (way out of his range playing a white dude who thinks he's black) and making “Tap the Bottle,” a rap song about to drinking forties. He gets mad crazy props for never being lynched by black people. Or white people.
THE TWINS IN THE MATRIX RELOADED
BUMBACLOT RATING:
The Wachowski Brothers’ albino hitmen were the embodiment of a computer virus sent to kill Neo, Morpheus and Trinity. It makes perfect sense'well, except for the fact that dreads are 100 per cent absolutely and positively not for the enslavement of humanity.
ADAM DURITZ FROM COUNTING CROWS
BUMBACLOT RATING:
Can’t really hate on a dude who smashed Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox. Apparently locks really do have magical, mystical powers'even if they’re store bought.
VANILLA ICE
BUMBACLOT RATING:
Instead of trying to regain some street cred with a hockey jersey and white boy dreads for his weeded-out hardcore comeback album, Mind Blowin, the Ice-Man might have done better to just blow his shit loose.
dj ashy fingerz October 28, 2008 at 7:01 pm
LMAOOOOOO!!!! Especially when he got all quiet when he saw the rastas
slo October 29, 2008 at 3:46 am
how bout that american idol cat…lol..if anyone remembers…he butchered “I shot the sheriff”
POINT84 October 29, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Yooo…that video was the craziest
I'llbedat October 29, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Willie One Blood was the realest… AHHAHA
RotnRollHunter October 29, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Anders Fridén from In Flames and Jeff Walker from Carcass. Dreads are METAL! woo
suckitmarshall October 29, 2008 at 5:54 pm
What about Shaggy Too Dope???!!!? Hhahaha
Andanotherone October 29, 2008 at 5:56 pm
What about Jack Black in the Jennifer Love Hewitt movie?
g-dawg November 4, 2008 at 3:19 am
you guys forgot the most important whiteboy dreadlocker of all time! Zack De La Rocha of RAGE!
eric November 9, 2009 at 11:19 am
dude zachs mexican not white
one little light February 23, 2009 at 10:52 am
this web site bothers me. I am east Indian with dreadlocks. to poke fun at one race for their hair choice is rather silly. it is a natural form of hair.
Among some Sadhus and Sadhvis, Indian holy men and women, locks are sacred, considered to be a religious practice and an expression of their disregard for profane vanity, as well as a symbol of their spiritual understanding that physical appearances are unimportant. The public symbol of matted hair is re-created each time an individual goes through these unique experiences.[citation needed] In almost all myths about Shiva and his flowing locks, there is a continual interplay of extreme asceticism and virile potency, which link the elements of destruction and creation, whereas the full head of matted hair symbolizes the control of power.[citation needed]
Gangadhara Shiva captures and controls the river Ganges with his locks, whose descent from the heavens would have deluged the world. The river is released through the locks of his hair, which prevents the river from destroying earth. As the Lord of Dance, Nataraja, Shiva performs the tandava, which is the dance in which the universe is created, maintained, and resolved. Shiva’s long, matted tresses, usually piled up in a kind of pyramid, loosen during the dance and crash into the heavenly bodies, knocking them off course or destroying them utterly.
Sadhu with jata (long locks) twisted in a knot on top of the head.
Locks in India are reserved nearly exclusively for holy people. According to the ‘Hymn of the longhaired sage’ in the ancient Vedas, long jatas express a spiritual significance which implies the wearer has special relations with spirits, is an immortal traveller between two worlds and the master over fire:
music player May 4, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Dugg it. Commented. Why only 5 diggs? WTF? This is awesome.