NBA Season Preview: 16 Games To Watch
Well folks, the NBA season is finally upon us. If you haven't been paying attention to preseason basketball, now's the time to wake up (yes, you too Isaiah), since the games actually start counting tomorrow.
While other sport sites offer long-winded previews of injury reports and how deep teams are, we worked with Fiyastarter.com to conjure up predictions that you'll actually care about. Take a look into Complex's crystal ball for some on and off the court forecasts that will make this season interesting…
DATE: OCTOBER 28
Game: Cavaliers at Celtics
Prediction: On opening night, LeBron drops 35 on the noticeably self-satisfied defending champs. The Big Three giggle as they watch Doc Rivers light up a victory cigar, down 30 with two minutes to go.
DATE: NOVEMBER 3
Game: Jazz at Clippers
Prediction: Sitting courtside, emerging young actor Tristan Wilds champions the light-skin movement by cheering frantically after every Deron Williams-to-Carlos Boozer Utah bucket.
DATE: DECEMBER 2
Game: Lakers at Pacers
Prediction: Kobe Bryant continues to mend fences with teammate Andrew Bynum by reenacting scenes from the youngster's favorite movie, The Toy.
DATE: DECEMBER 6
Game: Clippers at Timberwolves
Prediction: In an effort to boost morale, Minnesota VP Kevin McHale unveils his new couture line of Timberwolves home sweater-jerseys.
DATE: JANUARY 13
Game: Bobcats at Pistons
Prediction: Rodney Stuckey goes for 31 points, 9 assists, 8 rebounds, and 3 steals. Charlotte co-owner Michael Jordan, who passed on Stuck in the '07 draft, is rumored to be retiring to pursue a career in baseball scouting.
DATE: JANUARY 26
Game: Rockets at Knicks
Prediction: After a Rockets W, Ron Artest takes goody-goody Houston teammate Shane Battier to Queensbridge. Shane makes fast friends with the Thuns and Duns by engaging them in a debate over W.E.B. Du Bois's “Talented Tenth.”
DATE: FEBRUARY 13
Game: Post-NBA Rookie Game
Prediction: After Vivica Fox takes the hint and leaves them alone at the Rookie Game afterparty, O.J. Mayo and Jerryd Bayless set the world record for most times saying, “She old as shit.”
DATE: FEBRUARY 15
Game: NBA All Star Game (Half-time Performance)
Prediction: Today we celebrate the ninth anniversary of the most inappropriate
All-Star Weekend performance ever, a.k.a. L.L. Cool J and Montell Jordan's rendition of the latter's “Get It On…Tonite” (”I pecked ya low, tongue kissed the cat, legs is upside down, twist it back. It feels so wet…”).
DATE: FEBRUARY 22
Game: Nuggets At Bucks
Prediction: Milwaukee's Joe Alexander and Andrew Bogut combine for 65 points and 31 boards, prompting comparisons to Bird and McHale by white sports columnists across the nation.
DATE: FEBRUARY 27
Game: 76ers at Knicks
Prediction: During a blowout loss at MSG, former Knick coach Isiah Thomas is spotted smiling in the tunnel as he snacks on limited-edition Mike D'Antoni Pringles Party Mix.
DATE: MARCH 4
Game: Bucks at Cavaliers
Prediction: Milwaukee's Joe Alexander and Andrew Bogut combine for 17 points and 12 boards, prompting comparisons to Blair Rasmussen and Mark Alarie by black Internet message-board posters.
DATE: APRIL 8
Game: Suns at Hornets
Prediction: After watching Chris Paul drop 30 and 15 on Steve Nash for the fourth time, Bill Walton concedes Nash holds only a “slight” lead over CP3 as league's best point guard.
DATE: APRIL 12
Game: Knicks at Heat
Prediction: Rookie of the Year lock Michael Beasley notches his 25th double-double, matching his threesome total for the season. Barkley promptly replaces Dwyane Wade with the Beas in his Fave Five.
DATE: APRIL 29
Game(s): 1st Round Playoff, Blazers at Spurs
Prediction: Blazers at Spurs After showing Shaq how his faux- hawk tastes during the regular season, Greg Oden is bested by Tim Duncan and the Spurs. Oden later drowns his sorrows in Geritol and shuffleboard.
DATE: MAY 30
Game(s): Eastern Conference Finals, Cavaliers at Pistons
Prediction: Attempting to lead the Cavs to their second Finals, league MVP King James is denied at the net by Sixth Man of the Year Stuckey. Home for the playoffs, MJ is reportedly spotted at an area minor league baseball stadium, radar gun in hand.
DATE: JUNE 17
Game(s): NBA Finals, Spurs at Pistons
Prediction: After Duncan wins his fifth title, millions of Jordan fans swarm the Internet in a preemptive strike against the TimBot's fundamental attack on the G.O.A.T.
P October 27, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Spurs/Pistons finals? They old as shit.
Corporal Punishment October 28, 2008 at 3:38 pm
True, but so was Boston.
whatwhut October 29, 2008 at 3:34 am
Lakers vs Celtics in the finals again mark my words..