World Series Rap Battle: Rays Vs. Phillies

F*** what happens on the diamond! The World Series will be decided by two managers and a mic!

The first pitch of the 2008 World Series will be thrown tonight, but Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe Maddon and Philadelphia Phillies manager Charlie Manuel couldn’t wait that long to hurl heaters at each other’s chin. In between setting their pitching rotations and lineups, the two got together with Complex for another exclusive rap battle. It’s baseballs to the wall! Four strikes and you’re out! See the verses below…

Round 1:

RAYS’ VERSE:
All you miserable Philly fans are on the wrong dick
Your season's gon' end worse than a Shyamalan flick
Do not get it twisted, our major league misfits
Are like hands pounding gloves and you're about to get fisted
Come find out about enhanced performances
Vats of juice produced when you sac squeeze deez oranges
Against our aces, only way you walk
Is effeminately with four balls and two cocks

PHILLIES’ VERSE
Fuck Tampa, fuck stampin’ y’all champ passports
Before you get to the Illadelph you gon’ need a crash course
Y’all some pretty boys, spoiled by those Tropicana catwalks
Already love anal so here’s some NL blastoff
Your stance is kinda suspect when it’s time for batting practice
Takin’ fungoes in your bungholes while your backs attack the mattress
We already mastered tactics, y’all too skittish for the war
The way you choke up on our bats, we might just finish this in four

Round 2

RAYS’ VERSE
The “experts” gave us odds of one in a billi
But the Rays shine's why it's always sunny in Philly
Even with SPF 1 billion you get burned this time
The Rays gon' light you up where the sun don't shine
You'll get showered with boos when we're showered with booze
Bitter taste of a rout's like sour-ass cooze
Like “How could we lose to the Rays in our house?”
Cause we slice that ass and put Philly fillets in your mouth

PHILLIES’ VERSE
Man, enough with all this hyping your team, please,
The only thing y’all getting showered with is our Philadelphia cream cheese
That’s why we’ll end this in the town of Brotherly Love
BJ Upton got his name from givin’ brothers some love
And tell Evan Longoria there’s no N in sight
He’ll take a 9 up in him like a desperate housewife
We’ll hand it to you, you’re a bunch of lovable rogues
That’s why we’ll love you Philly-style and take your wallet and clothes

Round 3

RAYS’ VERSE
Focused on Philly but causing widespread panic
Rays dropped the Devil but TB's still Satanic
Branding pentagrams in your ass with hot pitchforks
We'd emasculate you but a filly's a bitch horse
Double play your chick, slide in, have her broke up
You're swinging a toothpick, that's why you get choked up
No rings, 25 years Philly been at it
And getting reamed by a team that's greener than the Philly Phanatic

PHILLIES’ VERSE
We did Milwaukee and LA, now we’re tourin’ at Tropicana
So you Florida fruits can juice our oranges and bananas
We heat it up to pasteurize while balls are whizzin’ past your eyes
Who wants to be Mr. Cocktober with a sizzlin’ ass surprise?
Lost the Devil from your name, thought you exorcised the shame
But tell that priest to stick around so he can bury you post-game
These hometown heroes will pour it on you like Gray Goose
So leave some Fresh Prince on the Freeway and plan escape Roots

Final Round

RAYS’ VERSE
We're twisting you out from Citizen Bank to Drexel
You can use our ball sweat to salt your pretzels
Your sweet-ass cream's the shit that they use to make Oreos
Amped to come to Tampa and hang with fruits in orange groves
We feel your angst, Tom Hanks looked healthier
Than your chances of winning when he had AIDS in Philadelphia
Your fans expect to lose and this ain't PA's year
We've seen closer shaves on your bol Freeway's beard

PHILLIES’ VERSE
We’re ballin, y’all brawlin’, y’all dead like George Carlin
We’re from the land of Dice Raw, y’all better get to dice rollin’
Trying to make history, but you can’t turn the page, baby,
With a manager who looks like MC Serch at age 80
We’re comin’ in cleats up, cappin’ your knees
Remember how we did the Mets twice? Bad things happen in threes
How much plainer can we say it? Fuck you and fuck ya life
You’ll get a World Series ring when we leave one in your wife…

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