Campaign Songs John McCain Could Actually Use

Poor John McCain. When it comes to music, dude is more dissed than William Hung. John Cougar Mellencamp, Heart, Jackson Browne, and now the Foo Fighters have all asked him to stop playing their songs at his campaign rallies. But the old dude’s got to have some tunes for his get-togethers, right?

Cue Complex. Ever the non-partisan political helpers, we’ve found five possible theme songs for McCain to use in the last weeks of the presidential campaign. Listen to the bangers we came up with for the Republican candidate below…

SONG: “WARRIOR”
ARTIST: LLOYD BANKS

LISTEN:
The hook says it all: “I never run, never snitch…don’t change ’cause he’s rich.” McCain spent five years as a POW without revealing military secrets, so he should be the “Stop Snitching” poster boy! And despite six or seven or eight or how many houses he owns, he’s still the same ornery cuss he’s always been! Although the Obama camp might play on the “head full of anger” line in the first verse.

SONG: “OLD MAN”
ARTIST: NEIL YOUNG

LISTEN:
Sure, Johnny Mac’s not really trying to draw attention to his age too much, but he is trying to connect with the youth, so the theme of shared generational struggle should work well. Plus, the pairing with Neil actually makes McCain look younger.

SONG: “TORTURE”
ARTIST: THE CURE

LISTEN:
“I’m in the room without a light/The room without a view…It tortures me to move my hands.” Damn, McCain could’ve written this song himself! And we’re sure he’ll look better with a little makeup.

SONG: “RYDE OR DIE, BITCH”
ARTIST: THE LOX

LISTEN:
Pretty self-evident, no?

SONG: “FUCK YOU NIGGA”
ARTIST: SOULJA SLIM


Kidding! Although it might charge up some of his supporters…