BLOG

5 Potential New Careers For Kimbo Slice

Well, that was quick. Only four fights into his highly publicized mixed martial arts career and Kevin Ferguson a.k.a Kimbo Slice, the street fighter turned savior of the MMA world, was knocked the fuck out on Saturday night by some no-name dude with pink highlights. In 14 seconds.

What kind of peanut butter and jelly bullshit is that, you ask? Hell if we know. But either that was a set up for a rematch or Kimbo Slice’s MMA career may be coming to an abrupt end. Now, we’re sure the people that run EliteXC won’t let him fall from grace before milking a few more dollars out of him, but if, for some reason, Kimbo felt the need to find another line of work, we have a few suggestions…

BECOME A RAPPER

Rap is all about posturing and posing. You really don’t even need to know how to cleverly put words together. All he would need to do is get a video camera and have one his duns record him taking shots at an unassuming rapper. And with Kimbo being from Miami, all he has to do is holler at Khaled, and he’ll probably get thrown on the next We The Best Music Group anthems.

BECOME A PORN STAR

Before he started fighting professionally, Kimbo was hired muscle for the Reality Kings crew, i.e. the same dudes that bring you such memorable, wholesome entertainment as MILF Hunter. It would be nothing for Kimbo to put in some work in front of the camera. [pause]We’re sure he’d be able to give Mr. Marcus a run for the crown [/pause].

BECOME A WWE WRESTLER

If Mike Tyson and Floyd Mayweather Jr. could get a spot on WWE, Kimbo would have no trouble fitting in among Big Show, HHH and Shawn Michaels. And if he’s not quite polished enough for WWE, they can always throw him in ECW. No one knows who those dudes are anyway.

BECOME A CHILDREN’S BOOK AUTHOR

Kimbo has six kids, and—not that there’s anything wrong with being an MMA fighter—we’re pretty sure he doesn’t want his youngin’s following in his steps from street fighter to ring brawler. To help guide them and other kids that may not have such a loving Pops, he could pen children books teaching kids the dangers of illegal activities. Word to Tookie.

BECOME THE 2012 VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE

If there’s one positive thing to be learned from John McCain picking Sarah Palin to be his VP, it’s that anything is possible. Anything. Anything at all. And since things are looking pretty good for Obama right now, we think Kimbo should start getting his political career in motion so that by 2012, he can be in the running for the Republican VP pick. After seeing his arrival at the Country Music Awards, we know they’d love him in the red states. And this could be the last shot for Republicans to get black voters down with the GOP.