Vice President Rap Battle: Sarah Palin Vs. Joe Biden

Like prizefighters at a weigh-in, Vice Presidential candidates Sarah Palin and Joe Biden can’t wait until Thursday’s debate to tear each other apart. With everything on the line and so much smack to talk, they decided to take it to the streets and face off with raw battle raps (a proud tradition started by Spiro Agnew and Edmund Muskie in 1968). No teleprompters here. Just dirty politics at its dirtiest. Check our their verses below and vote to determine who goes into the debate with an edge…

SARAH PALIN’S VERSE:
Ask Todd, you gettin’ sodomized with this Idita-rod
I drop them dogs, now you lookin’ like Mike Vick’s backyard
Straight mauled by a pit bull in high heels and Revlon
Giuliani’s wet dream, I’m right-wing, you dead wrong
Made a move for the Senate, threw Delaware all on your back
But your chances be slimmer than Selma Blair when I attack
The GOP love me, they say I energize the base
But I give senators a taste of how I genocide their race
You ran in ‘88 and you went out like Nino Brown
Stole a keynote speech, that how you actin’ so flagrino now?
You the gaffe machine, I’m Governor No-Vaseline
You comin’ off the dome? You might just need an aspirine to match the queen
I’ll smash your dreams, filibuster your plans, this filly crush your demands,
You’re like a fucking hazelnut with a tan
You on some Reach-toothbrush-ad-fliptop-jaw type of horseshit,
Wooden teeth, lookin’ like a George Washington portrait
But I don’t see you on no ones, I make it rain with oil money
'Fore I see you with this gun you better keep it loyal, dunny
Your son worked for a bank that lobbied you, you ho for profits
I’m your favorite topic, but you’ll never taste this Oval Office
In a battle you’re Vanilla Ice, but I’m Wasilla Spice,
I forgot your name quicker than I forgot the Bill of Rights
Sarah Nightmare came near and you got scared and ran clear
Believe I rep for mavericks like I was Erick Dampier
As for Kidds, why you think I named ‘em Trig, Track and Bristol?
Miss Big pack the pistol, push wigs back, won’t miss you
I click-clack, no issue, blow your nose off, no tissue
If you front like J’s hood you gonna make me Jadakiss you
Get in you quick like Inuits when guttin’ tuna fish
Believe me, slick, this barracuda’s kiss is somethin ruinous
Got the religious right screamin’ “Glory Be!” and “Hallelujah!”
Want some jewels? I’m gonna go ahead and GET THOSE TO YAH!

JOE BIDEN’S VERSE:
The great debate: world leader or cheerleader?
Sharpest thing 'bout you's the razor that shaved your bare beaver
I have to drop you for the good of the kids
Smartest thing to come out your mouth shoulda been Trig
Bible-beating, hockey-cheering, rifle-toting moron
Thought you bore arms cause you got fisted to the forearm
Not all there, though you are quite a looker
Tried to walk to your neighbor's in Russia to ask for sugar
Dumb as can be and this country don't need
A backwards-ass W.T. bumpkin V.P.
Especially not one who believes the Bush Doctrine
Is get a Brazilian and put cock in
Tell me, how exactly would you fix this shit economy?
You'll solve something when Trig gets trigonometry
Your only policy's vagina or dome
I'll bury you in debate like God did dinosaur bones
You'd sully the flag if you governed on the rag
But your overactive vag never touches maxi-pads
That pussycat sees more spilled milk than saucers
Every 9 months, spawn's pawned off on your daughters
You talk conservative, clutching on your Bible
But hubby's hockey stick ain't the one flicking in your five-hole (nice goal)
Whore for Cleetus, every day you're more egregious
If you won't walk with Jesus, at least abort the fetus
Think you got chick votes, you ain't Hilary Rodham
It's not birth control, so what pills are you popping?
Come the debate, I'll have you slain in a flash
Biden riding Amtrak, running train on that ass
Only on the ticket cause you look like Tina Fey
And dudes wanna blast DNA on your TNA
Semen spray! Duck! Paramedics have you rushed off
The first politrick assassinated by bust-off!

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