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5 Great Moments Of Thievery At Yankee Stadium

Bases aren’t being stolen at Yankee Stadium anymore, but that doesn’t mean the thievery is over. During the 85-year-old ballpark’s final game, police arrested 18 people for trying to swipe souvenirs rather than pay some rich assholes for the right to own a Yankee urinal.

A private security team is going to protect the stadium from other would-be thieves now (like that’ll stop us). In honor of the fans’ five finger discount, after the cut Complex looks back at five great Yankee Stadium rip-offs. We’re stealin’ on ya!

DAMN YOU JETER

5. Remember that time you brought your chick to the ballpark and suddenly she became a huge Derek Jeter fan? He banged her while you were buying beers. Thought you should know.

PAVANO NEVER PAID OFF

4. Coming off an 18-8 record in 2004, free agent pitcher Carl Pavano signed with the Yanks for $39.95 million. In return he gave them stays on the disabled list with broken ribs, an elbow strain, a left hip injury and bruised buttocks (seventh inning stretch pause). For $500, he also sold them an HD TV box filled with cinder blocks.

YOUNG’N IS A BALL GRABBER

3. In the 1996 American League Championship Series against the Baltimore Orioles, with the Yanks down 4-3, 12-year-old fan Jeffrey Maier reached over the right field wall and deflected a Derek Jeter fly ball—one that Tony Tarasco might have caught—into the stands. Though it was obvious fan interference, the right field umpire ruled it a home run, tying a game the Bombers won with a home run in the 11th inning. Tough-as-nails crime fighter (and honorary Yankee fluffer) Mayor Rudy Giuliani punished the young punk for his thievery by giving him a key to the city. Lesson learned: It’s OK to steal from losers.

THERE WENT A-ROD’s PRIDE

2. In the 2004 American League Championship Series, the curse-breaking Boston Red Sox made history by taking four straight games from the Yankees to come back from an 0-3 deficit. The Sox not only stole the series, they also took A-Rod’s dignity when he tried to knock the ball out of pitcher Bronson Arroyo’s hand at first with a girlish slap. Heyyyyy!

SORRY FANS

1. For Yankee Stadium’s farewell season, the 2008 Yanks stank up the joint and eliminated themselves from playoff contention well before the end of the season, robbing fans of a meaningful pennant race or postseason play. Even Shea Stadium is getting a better sendoff with the Mets playing a critical final home stand—and that place is an absolute shithole.