Samuel L. Jackson’s Most Mailed-In Performances

If the muthafuckin’ check is in the muthafuckin’ mail, Samuel L. Jackson will show up and scream at the muthafuckin’ camera. Nobody mails in a performance better than Sammy, who can pull a one-note angry black man out of his ass on command (long pause).

His latest mail-in is Lakeview Terrace, in which he plays an enraged cop who torments and yells at his new neighbors (Kerry Washington and Patrick Wilson) because he disapproves of their interracial relationship. In honor of Sammy getting paid to display less range than dribbled ejaculate, Complex looks back at his five most mailed-in performances…

JUMPER

Angry Black Man Scale:

Watching Sammy hunt teleporters is like jumping through space and landing in a humpback whale’s diseased vagina.

S.W.A.T.

Angry Black Man Scale:

It takes a lot to get eclipsed by LL Cool J’s acting. To be eclipsed by his massive dome, not as much.

SNAKES ON A PLANE

Angry Black Man Scale:

Sammy’s performance is how you make a black snake moan. It ssssssuckssssss.

STAR WARS: Episodes I, II, and III

Angry Black Man Scale:

In Sam’s defense, these scripts helped doctors diagnose George Lucas with Down Syndrome.

CHANGING LANES

Angry Black Man Scale:

You thought an abundance of paper and pussy is what drove that lucky douche Ben Affleck to alcoholism?