How To Diss The National Anthem

There aren’t many sacred cows in the Complex offices, but when it comes to our country, we’re udderly serious. The good ol’ U.S. of A. has contributed many positive things to the world (genocide, Jim Crow and Ted Nugent come to mind). So you can imagine our shock and dismay when video surfaced this week of the Dallas Mavericks’ Josh Howard refusing to sing (and even cursing!) during “The Star Spangled Banner” at a charity football game. Oh, the outrage!

Aw, who the fuck are we kidding? We thought it was hilarious when the Kernersville, NC native blew off the national anthem (even funnier? The news media’s shock and dismay). Which got us to thinking: Francis Scott Key’s 1814 banger has been straight disrespected and probably will be for years to come. Check out 5 ways that country’s most sacred song has been turned into a national disaster below…

5. SING SOMETHING ELSE INSTEAD

Asked to sing “The Star Spangled Banner” before Denver’s State of the City address this past July, jazz singer Rene Marie instead belted out “Lift Ev’ry Voice and Sing,” the “black national anthem” that’s set to the tune of “Banner.” Cue predictable shock and dismay from the mayor and city council. But you gotta give props to the white dude in the gray suit in the front row who was the only one to keep his hand over his heart for the entire song.

4. GRAB YOUR CROTCH AND SING IT REALLY, REALLY BADLY

There’s a long history of bad renditions of the anthem (see Osbourne, Ozzy, and Lewis, Carl), but Roseanne Barr takes the prize for spitting and grabbing her crotch during her performance. Many, many demerits to the former Mrs. Tom Arnold, though, for making us think of her crotch.

3. DON’T STAND FOR IT

In 1996, Denver Nuggets guard Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf was suspended by the NBA for refusing to stand during the national anthem. The league lifted the suspension after one game when Abdul-Rauf agreed to stand, albeit while bowing his head in prayer. Praying during “The Star Spangled Banner?” Jaysus! Don’t that guy know this is a secular country!?

2. BOO IT IN UNISON WITH 20,000 OF YOUR FRIENDS

It’s gotten a little played out by now (happens to everything fun), but when Montreal Canadiens fans booed the anthem before a game against the New York Islanders in 2003, it seemed like a revolutionary act. And of course it set off a round of (you guessed it) shock and dismay. Maybe we should start lobbing our trash across the border after all (R.I.P. D.F.W.).

1. TELL PEOPLE TO CLAP THEIR HANDS TO IT

Somebody who apparently wasn’t aware of certain rumors charges filed against R. Kelly invited him to sing “The Star Spangled Banner” before a Bernard Hopkins-Jermain Taylor fight in 2006. The R.O.B. responded with a funked-up version complete with dancers and audience participation. Ladies and gentlemen, we the jury find the defendant guilty of being innocent of disrespecting the anthem!