NEWS

Live From The DNC: Day 2

[All week long, writer Brad Listi will be reporting for Complex at the Democratic National Convention in Denver. Check back each day for an update!]

The crazy factor here in Denver is pretty pronounced. I had expected this to be the case, but still I find myself continually surprised by just how many wackjobs have come crawling out of the proverbial wood work to make their case before the American people.

Case in point: This morning, as I made my way through downtown, I came upon a woman standing in the middle of the road, holding a sign that read “STOP BIRD PORN.” Beside her was a guy with a battery-powered megaphone, delivering the anti-bird-porn message to a thoroughly confused populace.

What is bird porn?

I’m not really sure. I think these people want people to stop bird-watching, because bird-watching inhibits birds from having sex, and thus prevents reproduction.

I think these people were joking.

I hope these people were joking.

(Sweet creeping Jesus, please tell me these people were joking.)

**

I also had an interesting experience with a hostile young man who is supporting John McCain this November. He was standing on the sidewalk, extending his middle finger at passersby, while his cohort held up a big McCain poster with a shit-eating grin on his face. When I tried to take hostile guy’s photo, he stepped up and slapped the camera out of my hands, threatening me with violence in a manner that a guy like Eminem would appreciate. Angry young man.

Under normal circumstances, this sort of thing might have rattled me, but this guy just struck me as completely ridiculous. For one thing, he was tiny. Probably weighs a buck-forty. I’m pretty sure I could have taken him. For another thing, he was a monumental ignoramus. His positions were so baseless, his fury so unwarranted, that it was hard to take him seriously.

Most interesting of all was the bald, muscle-bound guy in a purple t-shirt standing next to me. Moments after the angry young McCain supporter slapped the camera out of my hands, the bald guy turned to me and calmly said, “Would you like to press charges?”

I didn’t know what he meant at first.

Then the angry guy turned to the bald guy and said, “Who the fuck are you?”

And the bald guy promptly flashed a badge and said, “I’m a detective.”

This incident reminded me, starkly, that Denver is positively crawling with security personnel this week, and most of them are in plainclothes, ready to move in and quash the rebellion at a moment’s notice. One wonders how many foot soldiers are on hand from FBI, CIA, and the Secret Service. I find myself doing a double take every time I pass anyone who looks even slightly suspicious, trying to figure out who’s working undercover. Hard to tell.

At any rate, another interesting day in the Mile High City. Off to the Pepsi Center momentarily, where Hillary will be giving the marquee address before a sea of salivating pundits.

Okay then.

Caffeinated,
BL

Brad Listi is the author of the bestselling novel Attention. Deficit. Disorder. and the founder of the online publication TheNervousBreakdown.com. You can find him at BradListi.com.