5 Things That Rock Harder Than ‘The Rocker’

Ayo! Scott only knows one way to rock out: with his cock out. His exposed member (ladies, all together now: AYO!) got harder than Rick Allen’s severed arm when he saw that Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute from The Office) was playing a wild drummer from an ’80s hair band in The Rocker. Then Ayo! saw the movie and put his penis back in his pants…

In the film, Wilson plays Robert “Fish” Fishman, whose Vesuvius band mates sell him out to become millionaire rock stars. He only gets back in the game years later when recruited to play skins for his nephew’s high school garage band, A.D.D. Although the band name sounds like some really cool, fucked up kids who would snort Ritalin and gang slay the female bassist (Emma Stone), the music is actually sweet-ass emo pop. The film even clowns Wilson for living the rock dream of booze and broads when they eventually succeed (for the record, no man is ever too old to “overindulge” in both). Another thing that doesn’t rock is the strain Josh Gad puts on Jonah Hill’s bozack with his performance as Fish’s awkward, heavyset nephew.

Some would say The Rocker is in the vein of This Is Spinal Tap and School of Rock, but Ayo! says it’s in the vein of Ayo!’s hairy nuts. Skip it and check out these five things Ayo! assures you actually do rock hard…

Jim Henson’s Fraggle Rock

Crack.

Bad tit jobs.

Ayo!’s van

Your mom in Ayo!’s van