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Complex Gift Guide 08.

Complex News

NEWS

rap sheet

Hip-Hop’s Most Pointless Products

jayzheadphones_main.jpg
Yesterday, a mysterious Motorola product called “JayZ Headphones” was approved by the FCC. Absent hyphen notwithstanding, it seems reasonable to assume that said headphones are indeed cosigned by said Jigga.

And we’re not saying that it’s a shitty business decision on par with signing Aztek to Roc La Familia, but we sincerely hope that Hov doesn’t regret this like some of these other rapper-endorsed products we’ve seen in the past…

RAP SNACKS
snacks
After a storied history of pumping out the diddyopedopest snax like Dirt McGirt Sour Cream & Onion and Murphy Lee Red Hot Riplets (what the MSG-laden fuck is a riplet?), Lil Romeo bought the line and promptly cut out every non-Romeo rapper except, for reasons we can’t understand, Yung Joc. And if you’ve never tasted a Yung Joc Honey Dew Flavored Cheese Curl…then you’re probably better off, actually.

SON DOOBIE, PORN KING
sondoobie
Before G-Unit, before Lil Jon, before Snoop and his bullshit AVN award, there was Soul Assassins all-star Son Doobie (of Funkdoobiest), merging hip-hop with porn. Of course, there was also the fact that he actually got buck naked and piped broads on film. The funk’s on you!

50 CENT: BLOOD IN THE SAND

Of all the games that didn’t need a sequel featuring a rapper buckin’ fools in the Middle East, 50 Cent Bulletproof might just be number one. Well, no one told Activision—and this November, they’re about to be NERVOOOOUSSSSS!

BIRDMAN LUGZ

Is there a sneaker out there that can outwack the Game Hurricanes? Yes, this one.

VOKAL
vokal
From the mind of Nelly—straight to the racks of TJ Maxx! Whether you’re a methadone patient on the go or just a Berlin high-school punk with bad skin, trust Vokal to clothe you in hot shit.

BONUS: ALFONSO RIBEIRO’S BREAKIN’ AND POPPIN’

Is Carlton Banks actually a rapper? Does it really fucking matter?

August 19, 2008 | Permalink
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5 Comments »

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  1. end the post right here:

    http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2004/10/04/business/04urban.cov.jpg

    Dame Dash…. LOLz

    Comment by DeShawn Stevenson — August 19, 2008 #

  2. And lets not forget the Simmons gene pool. Other than Russel and the Rev, everything that comes out of Run’s house should go back inside i.e team blackout, pastry and run athletics.

    Comment by He'sAComedian — August 19, 2008 #

  3. roc box > jay-z black phone by nokia

    Comment by pancakes — August 19, 2008 #

  4. Yo, that roc box looks like a transistor AM radio. 1010 WINS, thun! But on the strength, when has a Jigga decision ever gone gold? (c)Asher Roethlisberger

    Comment by weisberg slim — August 19, 2008 #

  5. I love Ribeiro’s ad ! It may look corny today but at the time it was cool and even today it could help kids to start some breaks .

    Comment by hugolin — August 20, 2008 #

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