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How To Get An NC-17 Rating

For every person who can appreciate the violent flashing of a cock and balls on the big screen, there’s somebody with a stick up their ass who twirls with rage and disgust when they see it. These douchebags often cause the MPAA to slap restrictive NC-17 ratings on perfectly good films, forcing directors to cut scenes so they can get mainstream distribution.

Fortunately, director Kevin Smith just won an appeal to have the rating of Zack & Miri Make A Porno, his sexually charged new comedy with Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks, lowered from NC-17 to R. But some of our favorite films were not so lucky. Check out seven awesome films that got fronted on by the ratings committee below.


KIDS (Rated NC-17, released unrated)
When critics saw Larry Clark’s gem about drug-abusing, sex-crazed youth in revolt, some called him a child pornographer. We call him a hero for convincing teenage Chloe Sevigny to show that the carpet matched the drapes.

THE EVIL DEAD (Rated X)
Tame by today’s standards, Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell’s horror classic got hated on for its gore and violence. There has to be a more delicate, family-friendly way to dismember a demon.

SHOWGIRLS (rated NC-17)
Paul Verhoeven, who also directed Sharon Stone’s vagina in Basic Instinct, loves to show some female frontal. Elizabeth Berkley’s fully nude gyrations were fine by us. Her acting, on the other hand, was legitimately offensive.

LAST TANGO IN PARIS (Rated X)
Some people couldn’t stomach watching Marlon Brando use a stick of butter as lubricant for some good old fashioned anal rape. We understand. Margerine, sure, but butter? How dare he?!

CRASH (Rated NC-17)
David Cronenberg got an R rating for showing gory car accidents and violence-fueled sex, but we’re pretty sure he got the NC-17 when James Spader wet his willy in a leg wound.

BAD LIEUTENANT (Rated NC-17)
A cop smoking rock and soliciting sex is cause for alarm, but after showing a nun getting raped, an NC-17 rating was probably the least of director Abel Ferrara’s everlasting soul’s concerns.

A CLOCKWORK ORANGE (Rated X)
Of course nobody wants their kids to watch Malcolm McDowell gleefully rape and maim. On the other hand, the Korova Milk Bar’s lactating mannequins would probably convince them to get their calcium.

REQUIEM FOR A DREAM (Rated NC-17, released unrated)
This graphic drug film may have deserved its harsh rating. After seeing Jennifer Connelly’s infamous ass-to-ass dildo stripper scene, what guy wouldn’t try to string his girl out on heroin?