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5 Reasons Manny Ramirez Will Be Happier In L.A.

As you may have heard Manny Ramirez, the All-Star home run hitter and fan of the good life, was traded to the Dodgers last week, ending one of the longest, he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not relationships baseball has ever seen.

Although Boston management may have been happy to see Manny go, there’s no doubt that Sox fans are going to miss their resident quote-monster/hilarious-but-not-on-purpose power hitter. Manny’s gotta be psyched about his recent relocation, given all the fun shit he’ll have at his fingertips while playing in the City Of Angels…

1. WOMEN

Duh! To be fair though, MLB players don’t need to live in LA to sleep with Alyssa Milano. Boston has its one supermodel who comes to Boston for Patriots games and then goes home to F the QB (it’s like high school all over again). Los Angeles, on the other hand, practically invented the platinum blond/fake boob combo. Hot tub and late night pool invites in the hills are way better than any tea party during the playoffs in October.

2. WEED

On September 7th, 2002, in one of Manny’s first seasons on the Red Sox, he was asked to give a song to the audio department at Fenway that would play before he came out onto the field. Manny decided that that Styles P’s “Good Times (I Get High)” might be appropriate. You’re naive if you think Manny just “liked the beat” or some shit. Dude enjoys the greenery, and Cali’s sticky-icky (which is legally prescribed in L.A) is going to keep him high on more than just life.

3. CLIMATE

It snows in Boston. A lot. Going to a playoff game at home requires multiple layers. In Los Angeles, it is sunny. Sunny equals girls (See reason #1). That’s it. No contest.

4. GURUS

We all enjoy a little help in the spiritual/mental department, and there is no better place to find someone to follow you around and advise you on the best way to spend-your-money-while-still-being-in-touch-with-nature than Los Angeles. Manny is already a fan of The Secret, so this move into the Los Angeles scene should be seamless.

5. SOCIAL INTERACTIONS

Boston is home to Harvard professors, frat boys, and heavy drinkers who are done working on the Big Dig. Los Angeles has rappers, actors, the aforementioned chicks and gurus, and Jack Nicholson. What’s better? Hangin’ courtside at a Lakers game with the nutjob Nicholson, or with Benzino at a Celts game? Not even close.