What Happened to Coach K’s Face?
USA Olympic basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski needs to fix his face. No, this isn’t hatred because Coach K makes his millions leading the unholy Duke Blue Devils basketball team. If that were the case, we’d just make a joke about his lips looking like a puckered asshole (reality-based humor is the funniest).
Anyone who watched Team USA’s Olympic warm-up games against Turkey, Lithuania, and Russia in Macau didn’t need HD to see that Coach K’s grill was all kinds of fucked up red and puffy. With the Redeem Team kicking ass, we were free to ponder the what the hell happened to his famous face. See our best guesses below.
HE GOT HIS ASS KICKED
Coach K started a ruckus in a casino after he bet LeBron James’s Olympic commitment at a blackjack table and lost. He then had to be forcibly removed and beaten in the street by Macau police.
EXCESSIVE CELEBRATION
He figured the gold medal was a foregone conclusion and started pounding champagne in celebration, then experienced “Asian Glow.”
ATE BAD FISH
Perhaps K got some bad fish head that didn’t agree with him.
ATE BAD LADYBOY
He’s on the road, he’s lonely…you never know.
HE SOLD HIS SOUL
Long ago, Coach K descended into hell and made a deal with the Red Devil to become lord of the Blue Devils and win basketball games at a stuffy, preppy, whitebread-ass university. The Big Homie upstairs smite him with blotchy facial stains as punishment. Yes, God hates Duke too.
I'llbedat August 5, 2008 at 1:26 am
Homeboy looks like his eyes sockets are design-forward testicular cups…
Craig Hunter August 5, 2008 at 10:33 am
Could be Homeboy looks pretty good for a man over 60 years old. Could be none of us will look anywhere near as good.
Could also be that to make a deal with the Red Devil you gotta BE somebody. Making internet cracks doesn’t qualify you for much except making more of them. So good luck for something substantial and lasting to come of the jokey-wokeys and adolescent giggly-poos that do nothing except make asses of the punsters.
suckitmarshall August 5, 2008 at 12:49 pm
^^^
You and Coach K should a room, my dude.
suckitmarshall August 5, 2008 at 12:50 pm
get a room, pardon.
Roy August 5, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Krystrfgwwqzxcy is a faggot.
heelathome August 6, 2008 at 8:55 am
K would be so lucky to get with the Chinese ladies of the evening. I heard he and Boheim (sp?) were sharing a room.
Stylecoach June 30, 2009 at 4:24 am
Hehehe, what a very nice article. You make me laugh. Thank you for sharing.