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Stay STD Free With A Safe Sex License

Ever since Kool Moe Dee said “three days later—go see the doctor,” we’ve been leery about getting burned from an ill-advised sexual encounter. And in a time when one in four New Yorkers has herpes, the genital terror threat is at Level Orange (Discharge).

That’s why we big up Eli Dancy and his company STFree Certifications—the onetime club promoter has issued more than 15,000 “Safe Sex Licenses.” The cards might be all the proof we need to show prospective jumpoffs that we’re not pubically pestilent. Otherwise, we would be forced to assert our cleanliness in some far less efficient ways. See some other possibilities below…

Post results on our bedroom door like Mr. Boston:

Submit to background checks like Steve Gutenberg in Amazon Women on the Moon:

Listen to this insane and possibly borderline-retarded guy:

[STFree via New York Daily News]