Unpacking Ron Artest’s Baggage

In a trade with the Sacramento Kings, the Houston Rockets just acquired the NBA’s most enigmatic and misunderstood player, Ron Artest. As an athlete, he’s unquestionably a beast: Last season, the 6′7″, 248-lb. forward from Queensbridge, NY, averaged 20.5 points, 5.8 rebounds, 3.5 assists, and 2.3 steals per game for the Sacramento Kings.

Of course, the charitable rapping entrepreneur who helped spark the 2004 Indiana Pacers-Detroit Pistons brawl brings more than athleticism to his team. After the jump, Complex breaks down five things the Rockets are getting in this complex individual.

FINANCIAL SMARTS:

If you want to teach your fans fiscal responsibility during the recession, there’s nobody better to school them than Artest. In his rookie year with the Chicago Bulls'when he was making good NBA paper'he applied for a part-time job at Circuit City just so he could get an employee discount. Besides setting a good example, he may still have the hookup on a flat screen TV.

MUSICAL GENIUS:

Ron-Ron raps just like fellow QB natives Nas or Prodigy (if they’d spent all their time perfecting their basketball game'he’s no Kobe on the mic). His label, Tru Warier Records, has sold a staggering tens of copies of his mixtapes and album, My World, which means there are plenty CDs left for everybody in Houston who wants some thug music to balance a wobbly chair with.

‘HOOD PASS:

It’s very real in the Queensbridge projects where Artest grew up. If you don’t have somebody to vouch for that ass, it will be violated. With hometown hero Ron-Ron by his side, Chinese ambassador Yao Ming can finally bridge the gap between China and QB. For bonus ‘hood points, Yao should come bearing bootleg DVDs and a couple orders of wings with hot sauce (note: lil’ retarded wings are a no-no).

EXCLUSIVE KICKS:

Any NBA baller can lace up a pair of Nike, adidas, or Reebok sneakers, but how many have access to Tru Warier footwear (see the k1x “Chiefglider Ron Artest” above)? Seriously, you can’t even find these in stores! With T.W. owner Ron-Ron on the team, all the Rockets can now sport the shoe with a silhouette of Ron playing defense. Or is that him cleansing his colon?

FISTS OF FURY:

A proud man, Artest doesn’t take kindly to people disrespecting him or his teammates. As this clip of the infamous Pistons-Pacers brawl shows, fame and fortune did not make QB’s finest'or his fists'soft. Ron-Ron’s new teammates should walk with a little extra swagger knowing that he has their backs. Everyone else should just hope they never see the Rocket’s red glare.