Jennifer Lopez Joins The Hot Nanny Club
You can’t trust an ugly person to take care of your kids. It might traumatize them. That’s why we breathed a sigh of relief when we heard that Jennifer Lopez has been cast as the thief-turned-nanny in the upcoming movie The Governess. The film will undoubtedly be a steaming pile of romantic comedy, but it makes a perfect addition to the long tradition of the hot nanny in popular culture. After the jump, see the other child care specialists we’d like to drop the kids off on, er, with.
Rebecca De Mornay, The Hand that Rocks the Cradle
A badass psychotic nanny is just what new parents need when their lives have gone sexless and passionless. (Or, you could just pull out and make one mess to avoid another.)
Elin Nordegren, Tiger Woods' wife
The former Swedish model met Tiger Woods when she and her twin sister Josefin were au pairs for Swedish golfer Jesper Parnevik. Face down, putt up, that’s the way she likes to fuck.
Scarlett Johansson, The Nanny Diaries
Johansson is one of the most offensively bad actors working today, but she always nails the role of the girl with the tig ol’ bitties that make heads bobble. Another one to watch on mute.
Fran Dresher, The Nanny
Drescher’s voice and laugh would annoy the shit out of any man, but then again, hate is a great sexual lubricant. Plus, you can always find ways to occupy her yammering trap.
Daisy Wright, Jude Law’s former nanny
His chick Sienna Miller was too busy to bone, so Law banged the gavel with his 26-year-old nanny, who was down for whatever, whenever, wherever. Wright bragged to the tabloids about Law’s sexual prowess. Sex, good press for future lays, and child care? That’s money well spent.
BONUS NANNY: Alice, The Brady Bunch
Technically she was a “housekeeper,” but the Brady +1 spent so much time around the kids that we’re giving her honorary status. Alice Nelson was homely (freaky and eager to please) and dated a dude known as Sam the Butcher (she was a meat lover). That is a woman to play house with.
