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The Dark Knight Shines Brightly

With Batman Begins (2005), director Christopher Nolan saved the comic hero franchise from years of camp and kitsch (and George Clooney’s nipple suit). But Ayo! Scott only knows how to keep it all the way real, so let’s agree that as refreshing as Nolan’s darker take was, the movie had some shit on its shorts. For people who don’t own Batman bed sheets, the environmentalist terrorist Ra’s al Ghul was a pretty obscure and lame supervillain to kick-start the franchise with. Katie Holmes, who played opposite Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne’s childhood friend and love interest Rachel Dawes, had the same chemistry and believability with Bale that she has with her heterosextraterrestrial husband Tom Cruise…

Thankfully, the sequel reams its predecessor, and every other comic-inspired movie—UGGH! RIP! SPLAT! In this installment, anarchist criminal the Joker (played masterfully by the inimitable Heath Ledger, R.I.P.) joins forces with the mob to wrestle control of Gotham City from Batman and the new, uncomprimised District Attorney Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart). Set in a more realistic world, the film makes the idea of two men dressed up as a bat and a clown facing off in the streets even more fucked up and fascinating. The line between good and evil, sane and bat-shit crazy is wonderfully thin.

Admittedly, Ayo! and his diabetic peepers could have used more eye candy, but Maggie Gyllenhaal is infinitely better as Dawes than Holmes was. Ayo! appreciates brains, and she is oddly alluring, even if some might say that she, Selma Blair (Hellboy II: The Golden Army), and Gwyneth Paltrow (Iron Man) made this the most sexless crop of summer blockbusters ever. Ultimately, cosmetically enhanced titties are unnecessary because The Dark Knight is a knocker. Go suck on it, you boobs.