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The Incredible Hulk Is Less Than Smashing

THE INCREDIBLE HULK SQUASH PREVIOUS ANG LEE HULK FILM TURD!!! Granted, it’s not difficult to improve upon a movie that nearly made Ayo! Scott choke to death on his own vomit (Ayo! fell asleep while watching). What is difficult is taking a one-note superhero and making audiences care about him. Seriously, Ashanti’s windpipe game displays greater range.

There is something compelling about a man living in fear of the beast that lurks within him (just look at how many hits Monstersofcock.com gets daily). The cursed Dr. Bruce Banner (Edward Norton) has to run from the military and avoid contact with loved ones for fear he might hurt them. Worst of all, he can’t smash the Brazilian model who lusts after him because his fully excited Hulk unit would explode her (Talk about not being green with penis envy!).

Unfortunately, it’s the “star of the show,” Hulk, who creates a big problem for the movie. Ayo! Scott was at Comic Con in 2007 and heard all about how exciting new technology would transfer Norton’s facial expressions to Hulk’s face, allowing him to emote like a thespian. Other than one (admittedly fresh) transformation scene, Norton is imperceptible. For much of his tour de brute force, CGI Hulk is either pissed off, really pissed off, or really fucking pissed off. On the rare occasion he’s not roaring or grunting, he inexplicably transforms into a super-sized bitch, getting sappy around Banner’s piece Betty Ross (Liv Tyler) and wincing when he bumps his head—even though he’s just shrugged off bullets like they were a mild case of jock itch. Ultimately, the new and improved Hulk didn’t make Ayo! choke on his own vomit, just cough up a little bile. See the trailer and Complex’s own 3-minute reenactment after the jump.

The Trailer:

Complex’s 3-Minute Hulk Reenactment: