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5 Reasons To Not Have Sex With Gina Gershon

Unless you’ve been living in a cave, you’ve probably heard about the recent Vanity Fair article that suggests former President Bill Clinton had an affair with actress Gina Gershon. Clinton’s camp responded with a firey memo, blasting the writer and calling the piece “journalism of personal destruction at its worst.”

Okay, let’s assume for a second that Clinton didn’t have sex with her. This begs the question: why not? During the ’90s, he was splashing off on fugly interns like Monica Lewinsky. Why wouldn’t he hit off one of the baddest actresses in Hollywood instead? For us common folk, who had to resort to watching late night reruns of Bound on Cinemax, it’s hard to understand. But after reviewing Gina’s work more thoroughly, we’ve started to wonder if maybe he was smart to keep his little Bill in his pants. After the jump, we’ve compiled 5 reasons why smashing Gina Gershon might be a bad idea.

5. She’d Probably Call You A Whore Afterwards

In her star-making role as half-naked diva Cristal Connors in the horrific 1995 movie Showgirls, Gina can’t stop playing mind-games with the impressionable Elizabeth Berkley. After breaking down the young dancer’s guard and sharing a passionate kiss, Gina famously reminds her, “See? I told you you were a whore.” Bill probably wouldn’t appreciate being called a whore—that’s already the job of the Republican party.

4. She’d Probably Refuse To Video Tape It

In her 2006 movie Delerious, director Tom DiCillo lures Gina to a hotel room under the guise of doing an interview for the movie. When she arrives, he tries to turn it into a porn shoot by bringing in a naked man and a camera. She shows her disapproval by slapping some fool and storming out of the room. Not exactly the reaction Bill would like to hear when tells her the Oval Office is bugged.

3. She Might Finish Before You Do

In her recent stint on FX’s Rescue Me, Gina plays a woman named Valerie who has insane, animalistic sex with Dennis Leary for about 30 seconds. After that, she starts to orgasm, convulsing in the corner while Leary is just getting warmed up. Damn! We would need at least 35 seconds to get ours!

2. She Might Kill You

In her obscure 2001 movie Picture Claire, Ms. Gershon seduces our favorite boxer-ternt-actor Mickey Rourke in a coffee shop. She flirts, gives a passionate kiss…and then strangles him with a piano wire. This is problematic—if Clinton were to have an affair, the Secret Service would probably have the night off.

1. She Might Turn Hillary Into A Lesbian

In her most famous movie Bound, Gina plays a construction worker who is renovating the apartment next to some mobster’s house. Is she scared of the made man? Nope. The first thing she does is seduce his wife, Jennifer Tilly. Bill better watch his back—now that Hills is out of the race, she’s gonna have a lot of free time on her hands.